If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything.

I'd like you to meet Rylan Alexander DePew, born March 30, 2001 way too early in the morning. He was born bi-lateral cleft lip and palate with the possibility of other symptoms and syndromes. At our 6mth ultrasound they asked us if we would like to abort, I lay there in horror that they could even speak such words, as I see him sucking his thumb on the monitor and his heart beating. The nurse lets me know that 60% of people that find out they are not having the perfect baby abort. I begin to cry. Listen I am already a freakn' basket case, afraid and terrified of being a new mom without the idea of having a cleft child looming over my head. I was not the poster child of health and healthy living, but then again I was not Courtney Luv either. I have never done drugs and lead a pretty active life style - working out, traveling ect. I did not date alot, nor have I had alot of boyfriends actually less than you can count on one hand. So, I was baffled as to why we were having a child

Well this weekend has come and went just like the wind that blows strong today. And here in STL winter has taken a strong hold today..... Friday night I went out with some friends from college. We met down town had dinner and then moved on to Shiver. One of the guys bought dinner, on his corporate card, we all paid for own drinks. Here is the kicker, I was surrounded by mostly Russians and I found myself attempting to enjoy a glass of red wine with dinner only to have them order rounds of vodka shots. I'm not a shot girl. Let alone before my dinner even arrives. Apparently they do vodka shots with everything and anywhere. Then the follow it up with a pickle. I know - a PICKLE. We went to shiver - a dance club with a room made out of ICE. Very trendy. And the first round of drinks - you guessed it shots of vodka. OMG . Give me some water already. I've decided that I cannot hang with the Russians . Saturday the family went to make ginger bread houses at a friends house

I got nothing really. A head full of nonsense, and random thoughts that keep me up at night. Thanksgiving was a bit of blurr. I did not get to see my sister or brother that day, but in a gift from god, got to see both of them the day before. It was a totally shitty day, rain, cold and flat out gross. I was running late, because I had to run the kids to BFE and I was not at my desk for more than 15 minutes when I get a call from my sister. And much like late night calls that put you on high alert an early morning call from any family member other than my mother can only be bad news. Well, low and behold - not bad news. She was on her way to the airport and wanted to know if I wanted to tag along. She got a call that my brother was flying in and he needed someone to pick him up. Things are a bit tense for all of us right now - not worth throwing out there all the gory details, because within in time it will all blow over. But tense none the less and I can assure that with my brother

Has anyone else noticed that 2010 has been a bit of cluster, I mean a total cluster. The economy has fallen to hell, every person I know seems to have lost their ever lovn'g mind and it just seems like things are off kilter. I mean like the moon, stars and oceans are totally off. Every week something comes up that makes me question what is really going on....is there some crazy kool-aid out there that everyone is drinking and keeping from me? And it seems in true form for 2010 the holidays will be no different. As usual, I am NOT looking forward to the holidays. I have a hard enough time keeping up with my daily and weekly stuff without throwing a bunch of hallmark crap in the middle of it. I don't cook so Thanksgiving does not tickle my fancy. The only highlight is getting to see my family and this year, that dream is fading fast. Plus we have to scramble around like idiots for FOOTBALL. I am still in football hell and Lance decided we needed to play on another team whic

Well look at me, two post in one month - I am feeling like a rockstarr! (well not so much). I use to post 3 to 4 times a month - or even more. I have had alot of things on my mind, and have found that history shows that perhaps there are times when I should just not put it all out here. Even IF i really want too. So color me all grown up - or just taking my first class in maturity. In the mean time, we are STILL playing football which most of my family LUVS and I continue to curse. Ohhh curse you football - every freakn' Tuesday / Thursday night for two hours and then every darn Sunday for at least two hours. But god luv you my son, my son the athlete. Seriously, that damn kid has some skill, well as much as a 9yr old can have. There other moms will go' hey Michelle - THAT WAS YOUR KID' I find myself tearing up with joy. Then cursing the kid that tackles him. It is a group affair at football, because to be honest when they are all out there it is hard to tell them apart.

I cannot believe that we are in OCTOBER really folks where has the year gone? I missed blogging about my son's first day of school, Pypers first day at her new baby sitter, my work, my family etc. I feel like I have neglected you...and perhaps I have. There just don't seem to be enough hours in the day; and frankly when I get some down time this seems like the last place I want to spend my time. But then again I find myself wishing I would have written a few things here n' there. So here I am the second week of October, semi touching base :) I have photos galore at home, which I need to get on this site. Everyone is doing well, gearing up for fall and Halloween. We luv Halloween at my house. Pyper wakes up everyday asking why we have not had the party. For real girlfriend, it is not time. It seems like creativity is lacking in the depew household for Halloween - Rylan once again wants to be a football player and Pyper wants to wear the dress she wore last year. So ta

Hello peeps, It is has as usual , been a while. I am not sure what has gotten into me and why I don't just take the time to put a few things out here. It looks like last time I wrote Lance was still out of town. Well since it has been almost a month since my last post, he has made it back safe n' sound. And n' true relationship form, we were fighting with in 24 hrs of his return. -Since his return we have been to the ER twice with my son. Who was as it turns out constipated. Which left me with a big WTF ? How can a 9 yr old be constipated? Well, apparently my 9 yr old was and it required two visits to ER to get some relief. - Next we decided over Labor Day to take a trip to Branson with the kids. We were totally winging this trip, so we left Saturday with no agenda and no idea what to do or how to do it. But we got there and we made the best of it. We went to Dixie Stampede and Silver Dollar City. So our Branson trip was like a mini-vacation. Which we all needed

Well, Lance has been gone for for approx. 4 plus weeks. The first two weeks I was luving the single parent gig, well definitely enjoying my time alone in the house without the stress. Then reality kicked in and the taxi service, the maid, mom mode, working mode and everything in between. To say that I am worn out would be an understatement. We have football every Tues/Wed/ Thurs from 6-8pm, which requires that I leave work at 4 to get my kids from my sisters, go home let the dog out, get the gear, grab the cooler, grab some snacks, change my clothes and GO. Mind you just because it is over at 8pm does not mean that we get home anywhere close to 8. It is normally closer to 9pm. At which time both kids must take a shower and after the shower they want to eat. So I am making anything from ham n' eggs to tacos at 9ish at night. Then comes the bedtime adventure with Pyper. I am still working on putting her in her own big girl room. Making her go to sleep on her own. This my f

Whirl-wind... Here i am just about two weeks into this single parent gig and well, not so bad. Each Sunday the kids n' I figure out what we want to eat for the week and we make it all up on Sunday. This past Sunday we made the following: taco meat sloppy joe grilled chicken ham for sandwiches Friday we are going order out!! So as we get in the groove of things, we seem to be finding our stride. Feed the dog and fish morning n' night. Take the dog for a walk everyday but Tues / Thursday - these are football days. Laundry IF i feel like it :) And travel on the weekends to the country. Now this one has me a little discombobulated. Last weekend we had to go to the country because Lance's dad turned 81 on Saturday. So in true, best DIL fashion I packed up the kids and we headed down to the country. We stopped by Dairy Queen to get a cake for grandpa. So two kids, a dog, luggage and now a cake. We get to Dairy Queen and of course my queen bee - Pyper has to pee. So I ta

Somewhere between today and last week i found a few things: my smile, my laughter, my spirit. All wrapped up in one happy bundle stashed in a dark corner in the basement of my house. Okay, maybe not that dramatic..... Last week Lance got a call for work out of town, and I swear that he tried everything possible not to go; which really struck a cord with me. I was ready to give him a flying elbow. For real. Listen folks, it was work, it was out of town - which is not ideal; but is better then the current alternative. And he had said he was not going to take the job and quote 'because of football and practice.' I almost feel over. It is pee-wee football folks, hell I wouldn't care if it was college or the NFL - it is not paying the bills or making ends meet. But he was dead serious; and i was too. Get your butt on the road and get to work. Go get your man card back and turn in your Martha Stewart status. Oh yeah and the job was helping to build a Wal -mart, which tot

Ever tried to walk thru life gracefully? With your head held high and just putting one foot in front of the other - without your feet turned outward like a penguin? Well, for the most part I do, shoulders square, head high and heel-toe, heel-toe. I have started reading an biography on Robin Givens, which is strange i never really gave her any though and well the book was free. Which as usual seems to be some of the best kept secrets. The book talks alot about things I will never understand, being black, father issues, and abuse. However there are a few things that seem to translate - her strong family ties, her belief in god and finding grace. And just because she believed in god does not equate to her feeling like god really believed in her or loved her unconditionally. As things came at me from all sides and I feel like I am swimming in turmoil and transition I am looking for my grace. Trying to maintain it through the laughter and tears. At this point I am so angry with Lance, it is

I have been absent lately. I have been out of sorts, stressed and in a freaky funk. As I begin to write this I am not sure what to share and what to keep wrapped up in the funk. A few highlights since we last got together......oh my, we got together in May, last. Sorry. In the mean time I turned 35 in June; which was for the most part pretty uneventful. I am not totally rocked by my 30's; just yet. I seem pretty comfortable in my own skin and don't mind the character builders that seem to be showing up daily. Actually I am pretty okay with it all. And now that I think about it, at this stage in my life, there really isn't anything that I 'wish' I would have done by now. I have all in all pretty much accomplished most of my goals, which means that in the near future i need to set new ones. Having a goal or two seems to keep me in gear and part on track. Without them I find myself a bit Topsy-turfy. um.what else has happened that maybe funny or interesting?? u

Well this past weekend my father had the bright idea to throw my mother a surprise birthday party. 1) rule number one, my mother does not like anything she cannot control I repeat! My mother does not like anything she cannot CONTROL. This rule is nothing new, and should never be broken. She has a tendency to be emotional, crazy and bewildered at times. This time was no different. And by the way no one is saved from the wrath, just an fyi. All last week a flock of women in my mothers life spent the better part of the week wondering who was on first? Who organized this shin-dig? Who was going to make sure it all came together? Because honestly, my mother does all of that - duh. And with each phone call, we put a few bits n' pieces together but in our heads we were collectively thinking 'holy hell this is gonna suck big eggs.' My fathers instructions were brief and in his mind clear. However in the mind of a women - no enough detail. Actually now that i think of it,

I have been absent lately, and several reasons have contributed to it...one just too much muck in my head. Second, still swamped at work, which has me totally run down, which ultimately got me SICK. Last week i was dragging ass, a total walking zombie. It took all I had to get up everyday and dragg my butt to work. I felt like crap and looked like crap. I thought I was treating an over the counter cold, well the cold turned into an infection which suddenly began to whip my ass. By Friday I drug my butt into the local doc-n-the-box only to find out that I had an ear infection, sore throat and sinus infection - no wonder I felt like HELL. They gave me some souped up antibiotics and sent me on my way. Well aside from some darn good medicine I need some really good rest. I need to sleep and sleep some more. I had to work again Sat morning, so not rest that morning. After the meeting Saturday I drove to the country to see my mother and my kids - which came down to the country on Frid

I feel like I keep sticking my head in a big bucket of water bobbing for apples. Why because I luv feeling as if I am underwater trying to reach the impossible apple in my mouth. You know the deal, you get close to one and then it bobs around in the water and moves at just the right moment and well you missed it. Or perhaps you got just a small chunk - you know the chunk that makes you feel like 'maybe' just maybe you are really gonna get one. Work is good and bad. Since the lady has left there has been a total atmosphere change, like a toxic has left the building, but the WORK, omg the WORK. It seems to never stop. So I did my first payroll and out of 145 checks I had 1 mistake. Hello, please let me take a moment to pat myself on the back. Job well done. Well that moment was short lived. Because just as soon as that happy horse shit is done, I am back at only this time to enter payroll hell for the next cycle. These folks here get all sorts of crazy crackhead crap on

Work has been stressful lately - I have been putting in 12 and 14 hour days. My husband and children feel abandoned and I feel quite frankly run down. Last week I had my 2009 audit, a team of 4 was on site for 5 days. OMG It is hard to prepare audit work papers for a year I did not work through. I did not officially start until July. Luckily the auditors were patient with me, and have been here 2 years prior, so they had some direction. It was hard for me professionally to not have the answers, not be totally prepared - I just don't function that way. We will have some follow-up questions and documents, but the week of hell has come and gone. At least that is what I had thought until 2:30 on Friday, when my payroll person decided she has had enough and next Friday is her last week. This news has left me breathless and barely able to breath -um, say WHAT. SAY WTF? This person is due to retire on May 6, so once my audit was over i was going to spend the next 30 days up her crawl

Where to start.....right now I am sitting at my grandmothers lap top, in her office surrounding by her stuff and photos of family thanking god I am here. Two days ago, me n' my sister loaded up the car and left St. Louis around 6pm and began our 14 hr trip to Tampa FL to see my grandparents. This is the weekend for 'us' to celebrate our grandparents. (us - a combined unit of cousins; 6 of us are here and several others could not make it). My grandfather is in the local VA hospital refusing to eat. We knew we must come and celebrate his life while we can, plus we needed to see my grandmother. Me n' my sister loaded up and took off only to realize a few things. 1) we had no idea where we were going. um, minor detail. We got the address via a text from my aunt and attempted to type it into our nifty GPS system. We hit the highway and still did not have an offical route to follow, because I typed the wrong state in the GPS. Well not technically the wrong state, I just

Holly hell batman, I think we have been drinking the 'crazy kool -aid'. Over the weekend we bought an 11 wk old puppy - bulldog puppy. We were not and STILL are not prepared.....what the hell is wrong with us?? March is here and I am gearing up for an audit, extra work since I've been assigned to two add'l committees, both my kids have birthdays this month, and well what the hell a new dog. Oh, yeah almost forgot, one of the ladies in my office has decided to retiree......my light at the end of the audit tunnel has now turned into HELL. The reality of my payroll lady leaving has me a bit panicky. Oh yeah, and we bought a dog. Tank, the bull dog. Tank, who sounds like ' tink ' when Pyper tries to say it. This morning had me swirling and whirling from trying to figure out how to fit this new puppy into my morning routine. Needless to say it did not go well. We bought the dog a kennel, which still at this moment sits in my garage in the box it came in. It woul

Okay so this morning, I forgot it was picture day for Rylan . I knew it about two days ago, when it read the little yellow slipp in his back-pack. And well, I have slept since then and got sidetracked and by today I flat out forgot. That was until I got to the babysitters and one of the kids so politely remind me. I looked at Rylan and cringed, I was not going to let him get his picture taken today lookn ' like that. I packed him up and made him go home in change, which as usual came with its own emotions from my little almost 9 yr old. Needless to say he was pissed off. flat out, down right mad at me. I decided to eat it, well for about 5 minutes. Then I got mad back at him and started to pull out the 'if you don't get over it, I will take this away or that away.' I know classy parenting. I got my parenting skills off the back of a freakn ' milk carton, what do you expect. But for real, I just needed him to change his darn shirt and put a some gunk in his ha

These days I feel like everyone I know has lost their smile. Myself included. I know I struggle thru the winter, I always have..and this winter seems even more intense than others. New job, new struggles new crap - once you boil it all down. The difference this year is that Lance too seems to be in a 'funk'. Normally we are not both in a funk together, which is good because it makes it easier to get out of IF there is someone there to help. Lance and I have been struggling to reach a common ground for awhile now. We have never been really great communicators, so when that minimal communication breaks down everything else seems to get lost in translation. Which leads us to where we are today. Which frankly, I am not sure where that is; perhaps a hazy line between just going thru the motions and finding solutions. Several factors, I feel are contributing to our distance, and inability to communicate or communicate clearly. One - my sister has decided that she wants to be se

In my own mind my family is its own version of 'rockstarrs'. We are dysfunction, but not disconnected. We are fierce in loving each other and in protecting our own. And lets face it, we do have good genes - our gene pool leaves us with some charactistricts that we all wear with pride. You don't have to know us to know that we are related, just look at us......any number of us, and it is immediately clear. Its in the eyes. I am speaking of my mothers side of the family, the Guertin side. I, like my siblings and cousins have been giving alot of thought and energy in trying to figure out how to celebrate our grandfather Jack. Perhaps, I should back up. I have been lucky enough to know all of my grandparents, and even my great-grandparents. Secondly, I have been lucky enough that my mother/father made it priority for us as children to spend time with them. I was in my teens when my great-grandmother died, and in my late teens or early 20's when my great-grandfather

Well, things have been tough, tense and well just down right out of sorts. Not sure where to start and frankly have gotten to the point where I just don't care.....frankly I don't mind being in this state of mind, which prob says something all in its self. Anyhooo! Lance and I got in a HUGE fight over my son requesting an earring for his 9th birthday. I mean HUGE, to the point of hanging up on each other and being um, not so nice. He says, no and I say it is prob okay. Not only does he say no, he says I am an irresponsible parent for even thinking that it is okay at the age of 9. See me fly off the handle. Sure I am a lot of things and perhaps irresponsible a time or two, but over this issue - for real? Lets be frank folks, I have let my son wear a mo-hawk since he was 5, per his fathers encouragement and support. So the fact that I semi- support an earring does not seem off base to me. Mind you I did not encourage the latest request, but I don't see any huge harm in

So working for a fire district has been interesting 'if' nothing else. As I get to know the guys and they become more and more comfortable with me, this one thing imparticular stands out. They as a whole don't want to be seen as heros. This struck me as funny. Little kids look up to fire fighters, men and women are grateful to them for saving their luv'd ones and their homes (if possible). And yet they don't want to be placed in the hero box. My response to one of them was just this 'don't be a dream killer. suck it up and move on.' As we continued our talk, it became evident that some where along the lines of being a fire fighter they feel that they are placed on a pedestal that does not allow them to be human or make human mistakes. Yesterday two of our paramedics lost a guy. You could see it written all over their face, the grief; but at the same time this is their job and they must move on. In speaking with one of the guys he stated, 'you kn

When I went to Europe and live in a flat with 12 other students I met a girl from Tulsa OK. Both being home grown and corn feed we migrated towards each other. I found her to be striking, she had bright blue eyes, naturally curly hair and cheeks that were naturally blushed. I luv'd that...on top of that she was easy to talk too, we had a lot in common, including our new found European adventure. During our stint in Europe we would take classes Mon-Wed and Wed afternoon hop on the train with our Euro-rail pass in hand and ride. Sometimes we would have destination in mind, other times not so much. The Euro-rail was like a ticket to travel heaven. So Wed - Sat or Sunday we would travel from country to country. Not knowing the language, not knowing how to read most of the signs and not knowing how to order off a menu - we were for all intensive purposes 'winging it.' We found ourselves in a hairy situation or two - and how we managed to survive and walk away with a good st

OKay so I am firm believer in Karma.... I totally believe that what goes around comes around - maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow and definitely not as quickly as I would like at times. Being mindful of ones thoughts and actions is tough at times. Sometimes against all efforts and against all reasoning things happen. One day we wake up and things have changed. CHANGED. I used to be terrified of change, terrified of alot of things. Not so much anymore. I dont ' have all the answers, I ask alot of questions and still find myself swimming in a pool of self inflicted nonsense. Happens. So as I enter 2010 here are some things that I do know. It is okay fail, as long as u learn something I should have been 'nicer' to myself 10 yrs ago I don't have to have all the answers, but I am working on it - ha!! For every tear you shed you find a reason to smile In lou ' of all of the nonsense I have been truly blessed I am so glad to have siblings and a best friend fro