If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything.

There are no longer kids in my house, it is now full of teenagers! I am mixed about all of it. We are no longer working through easy home work and hurt feelings that can be fixed with a lolly pop or a band aid. We are having discussions about boys, mean girls, homework, pressures of society, and periods. We have dealt with bullying and come out on the other side of it. Even recognizing that in that process she at times was the mean girl. None of it has been easy, nor have I felt prepared to deal with any of it. But somehow between my prayers and the village of people in our world we keep making our way through this crazy life. Before you were born, your brother drew this picture of you in my belly. Yes i keep it, yes I keep it framed. It continues to speak to how loved you were before you even graced us with your presence. Your brother in all his little soul at 5 years old was excited to think that he could be your person and at 5 this was how he expressed it. it continues...

As I get a call at 7:30 am on Saturday, I roll over look at the phone and half want to cuss my mom, wondering why is she calling me on a Saturday at the crack of down. I answer im half annoyed, and thinking she has some crazy request and has yet to realize that I have 14" of snow around my me and my house. Not for a moment did I think that she was calling to because her world had just fallen apart. So in true form, I answered the phone tired and annoyed. My mothers voice sounds weak and frail. For those of you that know my mother, that is NOT her. I am immediately concerned. Very plainly and flatly she informs me that her mother passed away that morning and she wanted me to know. After her first sentence, all said with such strength, she began to fall apart. As the words "I'm sorry" roll out of my mouth, I know this is not enough. I call my brother to inform him, as I know my mother only has so much left in her. I call my sister, because I know, my mother i...

So today was my mother’s birthday and it’s interesting to me that over time the one and only thing we want for OUR day is time alone. Time in our own skin and our own space. Time to be with our prayers, our tears and our laughter and our words. Growing up my mother could be seen reading her bible daily. To this day I have visions of her reading her tattered bible daily. We had quite the religious upbringing - my mother was raised Catholic, my father Baptist - to some degree. We were the holiday Catholics. We attended every major mass; however my mother saw and stayed in touch with the father by the duck pond on a regular basis. However as kids we went to the Pentecostal church, the Jehovah witnesses would sit at our table and study and our prayers remained steadfast every night. It was the same prayers every night and it continues to be the same prayers I say with my kids to this day..... My mother has a way with words and people. People LUV her. She connects with everyone,...

Note to myself 16 years ago, you were dumb for being so scared! You wasted so much time an energy being frightened and fearful of the unknown! If you could have seen the future you would know that this child ROCKS!! You would have even seen his clefting as a blessing. Dumb, dumb girl. Ohh the lessons this tall one was going to teach you. Then god gave you a second child and a girl, just to make sure he covered all of the necessary hardships of raising kids. Then he sprinkled a little bit of your stubbornness, sense of adventure, and their fathers fearlessness. Yeah, you are WELCOME world. YEP, here you go dumb girl - wing this one!! I sit back and I feel like this time has FLOWN by!!! I know people say it all the time, blah, blah. There are days where I have cursed, driving to work, turning around to drop lunch money, only to leave by 3:30 to make a practice or a game. Or getting up at 3 am because they are sick, getting to bed at 5 (maybe) to be up by 6 for a full da...

This one right here was born today around 11 am in the afternoon. Right from the start she came out hair crazy, eyes wide to the world and smiling. Not much has changed in her little 11 years. Her hair is always crazy - she has so darn much of it. Her eyes are wide to the world and she takes it all in with such joy and passion. And her smile, well that will light up a room filled with darkness. Just the other night she asked me at dinner 'Mom, are you glad you had kids?' Perhaps is was one of those 'stressed' nights where I was acting like nut job and not taking the time to remind my kids that I love them and needed the world to slow down a bit. I stopped mid sentence, looked across the table and smiled at her - took the time to look her in the eyes and said "having kids is the best thing me and your father could have ever done. You and your brother are the best parts of us. God took the good the parts of us, put them in you and then you just made them ...

Well so it begins, DRIVING!! Can you freakn' believe it!! Yeah, yeah and more yeah! I am so excited for this darn kid to drive, i cannot stand myself. I have been letting him drive now for years. Don't get all twisty, not on highways or anything major. But we do country driving. He has been driving and riding 4 wheelers since he was 4. I think being comfortable before letting him hit the road is necessary, and well sort of my job. Well probably "our" job and out of the either Lance and or I - I am the better driver, so I get to teach. haha! Don't get me wrong, I prefer to go fast, speed limits are just a recommendation - unless you are passing through Burns Mill, then just mind the damn limit, bc they sux! I've never gotten pulled over there, but they have someone everyday, and their territory is not no bigger than my back yard! I have been asking Rylan for weeks now to just drive random places. He has always told me no! I always respond ...

Double digits baby! What comes with double digits, boys, shaving, phones, body shaming, sass, stinky feet to name a few. However there is also a smile that will light up a room, a laugh that touches your soul, eyes that shine, a love for the people in her life that seeps from her pours. Being a mom is the biggest test I will ever attempt and fail at many, many times. I cannot believe when god was handing out kids like they were candy, that he looked at me and thought 'hey you, there! the one who thinks she has it all figured out, well here you go! Curve ball!" I am blessed beyond words to have her and ry in my world. They are the best parts of Lance and I, and when I see them and watch them grow..... I see hope, love and inspiration. Despite Lance and not being together, I can honestly say we co-parent really well and are children are a fine example of that. She may not remember the days of living together as a family, or the holidays spent together, or nights ...