If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything.

I'd like you to meet Rylan Alexander DePew, born March 30, 2001 way too early in the morning. He was born bi-lateral cleft lip and palate with the possibility of other symptoms and syndromes. At our 6mth ultrasound they asked us if we would like to abort, I lay there in horror that they could even speak such words, as I see him sucking his thumb on the monitor and his heart beating. The nurse lets me know that 60% of people that find out they are not having the perfect baby abort. I begin to cry. Listen I am already a freakn' basket case, afraid and terrified of being a new mom without the idea of having a cleft child looming over my head. I was not the poster child of health and healthy living, but then again I was not Courtney Luv either. I have never done drugs and lead a pretty active life style - working out, traveling ect. I did not date alot, nor have I had alot of boyfriends actually less than you can count on one hand. So, I was baffled as to why we were having a child...

Well this weekend has come and went just like the wind that blows strong today. And here in STL winter has taken a strong hold today..... Friday night I went out with some friends from college. We met down town had dinner and then moved on to Shiver. One of the guys bought dinner, on his corporate card, we all paid for own drinks. Here is the kicker, I was surrounded by mostly Russians and I found myself attempting to enjoy a glass of red wine with dinner only to have them order rounds of vodka shots. I'm not a shot girl. Let alone before my dinner even arrives. Apparently they do vodka shots with everything and anywhere. Then the follow it up with a pickle. I know - a PICKLE. We went to shiver - a dance club with a room made out of ICE. Very trendy. And the first round of drinks - you guessed it shots of vodka. OMG . Give me some water already. I've decided that I cannot hang with the Russians . Saturday the family went to make ginger bread houses at a friends house...

I got nothing really. A head full of nonsense, and random thoughts that keep me up at night. Thanksgiving was a bit of blurr. I did not get to see my sister or brother that day, but in a gift from god, got to see both of them the day before. It was a totally shitty day, rain, cold and flat out gross. I was running late, because I had to run the kids to BFE and I was not at my desk for more than 15 minutes when I get a call from my sister. And much like late night calls that put you on high alert an early morning call from any family member other than my mother can only be bad news. Well, low and behold - not bad news. She was on her way to the airport and wanted to know if I wanted to tag along. She got a call that my brother was flying in and he needed someone to pick him up. Things are a bit tense for all of us right now - not worth throwing out there all the gory details, because within in time it will all blow over. But tense none the less and I can assure that with my brother...