Wednesday, March 30, 2016

15 and then some....

Well so it begins, DRIVING!! Can you freakn' believe it!! Yeah, yeah and more yeah! I am so excited for this darn kid to drive, i cannot stand myself. I have been letting him drive now for years. Don't get all twisty, not on highways or anything major. But we do country driving. He has been driving and riding 4 wheelers since he was 4. I think being comfortable before letting him hit the road is necessary, and well sort of my job. Well probably "our" job and out of the either Lance and or I - I am the better driver, so I get to teach. haha!
Don't get me wrong, I prefer to go fast, speed limits are just a recommendation - unless you are passing through Burns Mill, then just mind the damn limit, bc they sux!
I've never gotten pulled over there, but they have someone everyday, and their territory is not no bigger than my back yard!

I have been asking Rylan for weeks now to just drive random places.
He has always told me no!
I always respond "Why not!" In my best whiny voice.
Him "Because it is illegal!!" In his best grown up voice
Me "Its only illegal IF you get caught!!!"
Him "That is SOOO NOT true!"
He always seems to be so grown up!! Not really sure whose kid he is..
Well grown up, until that one time.



Well,now that conversation can take a new turn and he can no longer tell me NO!
Yeah ME!

I can honestly say that, dear gawd most of the time, I have no damn idea what I am doing as a parent and I am honestly winging it 99% of the time, the other 1% I am either drunk or asleep!
Being his parent is easy, he is kind of kid everyone should get once in a life time.
He is funny, smart (when he wants to be) a smart ass (most of the time now), and continues to teach me grace everyday.

He is making his way through his freshman year like a champ!
There are days when he is a complete, chimp, don't get me wrong. He has, at times, been lazy on his school work and plays way too much xbox.
But for the most part he stays in his lane, keeps his nose clean and I am grateful to say still says prayers everynight and tells me he loves me everyday.
He is growing out of his quirky, lanky self and into a grown ass kid/man. Which is weird! Weird I tell you.
We buy razors, we buy deodorant, we actually fix our hair (sometimes), we put on socks that match and put our zit cream on everynight.
All very grown up things to do everyday. He still has trouble putting his own damn dishes in the dishwasher, but ill take the baby steps.



I look at him and I see the silly smiling 5 year old that loved to watch Shrek and could barely wipe his butt.
And now he towers over my household, lifts weights, plays sports, has friends and even lets his sister tag along.
There is still joy in his eyes, his laughter still comes from his soul and he still has the ability to touch the heart of anyone in his space.
He is full of sass, at times attempting to push his limits, but in the end always respects that I am his mom.

We have discussions about kids, sex, drugs, drinking and just about everything that scares the crap out of me these days.
We have these discussions with ease and honesty. Which I greatly appreciate. In his mind I am sure it is more like me talking and him sitting in the passenger seat cringing waiting for song to come on that will distract me.
As we talk about drugs I let him know that I will chain him to a cellar in the country, after I beat him, and sober his ass up.
Why to the country I ask him>??? He always smiles, because he knows, that is our safe zone, thats where we go when we need to decompress, be a bit crazy or in this case just a good
ol' straighten your ass out stint.

So on this this day my kiddo, I hope you know that you make me crazy, I mean DAMN crazy!
You make me smile more than you make me cry, you make me proud more than you will ever disappoint me and I am glad everyday that you choose me to be your mom!
So as we begin to attack 15, driving, volleyball, soon to be football and god forbid girls, just know that i am here.
Bring on 15, bring on the driving and curve balls it has for us, we may not be prepared, but we will do it together.
Love you more than words, have a great birthday! Love you always, mom.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

The midget is 10!!!


Double digits baby! What comes with double digits, boys, shaving, phones, body shaming, sass, stinky feet to name a few.
However there is also a smile that will light up a room, a laugh that touches your soul, eyes that shine, a love for the people in her life that seeps from her pours.
Being a mom is the biggest test I will ever attempt and fail at many, many times. I cannot believe when god was handing out kids like they were candy, that he looked at me
and thought 'hey you, there! the one who thinks she has it all figured out, well here you go! Curve ball!" I am blessed beyond words to have her and ry in my world.
They are the best parts of Lance and I, and when I see them and watch them grow..... I see hope, love and inspiration.
Despite Lance and not being together, I can honestly say we co-parent really well and are children are a fine example of that.

She may not remember the days of living together as a family, or the holidays spent together, or nights rocking her and loving her till you thought your heart would burst.
Lance is and has always been a great dad, and when the midget walks or sashes into a room you can see his face light up.
They were made for each other and she needs him to help to even me out when I can be a bit too hard, because she is a girl and girls can do anything.

As Lance and I had our trials it was clear to both of us that our kids should suffer as little as possible and that neither one of us would be absent.
Therefore we have a system that allows each of us to see them everyday. If i have struggles with sass or any other issue, we are addressing it as a team.
Lance and I are friends, we are parents...... look at that I make us sound so grown up!
We still do birthday dinners and holidays together. Even when we fail, we are trying....and these two kids are going to remain the best parts of us.
They will not get lost in the mix of our emotions or trials.

So as we celebrate the midget turning 10, we both agreed, where did the time go!
As we text yesterday, I had a moment of sadness, it really is all happening so fast.
There are days and moments when this parent thing seems to drag on like snail crossing road and all that is left behind is the slimy shit storm you wish you could wipe up and then there are days when you wanna just bottle it up like a jack in the box so you can turn the crank and have it pop up again and again and again.

We are moving on from recess and playing tag, to Instagram, girlfriends and dear gawd BOYS.
For Christmas this child asked to meet Flo Rida, everyday you can hear the wobble play at least once in our house.
She got a phone for her birthday, which makes me wanna puke in my mouth...but welcome to being uncomfortable and working through it all.
I also bought her Shawn Mendes tickets in order to take her to first concert. Yes, the gods must be CRAZY!

She had picture day yesterday and I curled her hair and she wore a leather jacket!
What in the hell....what happened to shirts with hello kitty and horses and stupid shit like that??
Nooo, we have moved on to combat boots (black of course), sneaking make up to school, leather jackets and requesting VS Pink items for her birthday.
Hey, little one, you are only 10!!!
She loves, loves, loves to sing! She sings in the car, in shower, in her room....and it is the best!!
For me it is like a 1000 angles touching my soul letting me know that despite our trials this child still has joy and passion.
To others it may sound like a dead cat, no wait thats me, trying to keep up with her.

This summer we are looking for volleyball and cheerleading camps.
Whatever happened to just camp, you know where we drop you off and swim for 5 hours and come home sunburnt and wanna die?

She has started to go to the skating rink! Dear gawd my anxiety..she even had to ask me when i went to drop her off "you are not coming in? Are you?"
Me - "Yep!"
Her "Are you gonna SKATE too?"
Me -"Well, heck, I guess not....but I can skate really well, just ask Rachel"
Her - eye roll...."You are going to come in see that everything is okay, and leave?"
Me - "ugh!!"
fine! Actually, I am going to sit in the parking lot for two hours, watch the damn door for stalkers, weirdo's and boys and make sure you are not allowed to leave.
I am also going to make you leave 15 minutes early because honestly 2 hours is too long for the first damn time for me to drop you off on a Friday night.
I am further going to speak to owner, take your blood, a sample of hair and your finger prints...just so I have everything updated.
Then I am going to call your dad, and ask what in hell are we doing - YOU ARE ONLY 10!!
He is going to laugh at me, tell me im crazy and that I must leave the parking lot....gggrrr!!

All the while she is just skating around, around in the neon lights, doing the limbo, eating pizza, pickles and loving every minute of it.

In closing, dear midget with love..thank you for touching my heart and soul daily.
Thank you for the laughter and even at times the tears...bring on 10, and everything it has to offer!


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