Thursday, December 27, 2007


My life seems like one big waiting game....
I am ALWAYS waiting...
Waiting for Pyper to stop screaming.
Waiting for the person in line to order and get the hell out of my way.
Waiting for my allegery med's to kick in - they are taking too damn long.
Waiting for New Years Eve - I will be here with my sister
Waiting for Lance to pick me up for lunch because I am starving.........

Perhaps my next post will be Bitchy -
Bitchy because I can be.
Bitchy because my head hurts
Bitchy because I am at work and don't want to be.....

Or perhaps I should be less dramatic like - I am so thankful for....
on second thought no. I am sticking with waiting and bitchy today. Screw the sunshine and carebears. I will try for happy thoughts tomorrow.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

It is over...

As I peek out from the covers the morning, I mummer - 'is it over?' Then wham, my face is met by a foot covered in Pj's, it is Pyper restless in my bed.

Christmas has hit me like a ton of bricks, between the packing, driving, eating, talking, sleeping in strange beds and battling a 2 yr old, I am SPENT.

I am too tired and pissy to write about the weekend and all it entailed. I am too damn lazy to download my photo's today, so they will have to wait. Here is the jist - family, food, fun. Somewhere among it all I left my cheery self behind and picked up the bitchy attitude and allergies. My head is pounding, my nose is running and I cannot remember much about the last 4 days. I wish I could say I drank too much to remember and spent time wrapped around a toilet puking pink from all the cosmos. But that is not the story. My neck is out of whack from sleeping in a strange bed every night and from having Pyper wrapped around my head. My fingers are sore from scissors, tape and wrapping paper, my ears hurt from Pyper's screaming when she did not get her way and I gained 2 lbs. Merry F'ing Xmas.

Every ad on the Internet is 'weight loss for FY 2008' - ugh. Screw it.

*god please send me some drugs.......

A few highligths among the state of discontent:

1) Rylan loved his guitar and speed stacks.

2) Pyper loves her baby stroller and $1.00 princess shoes.

3) Lance was shocked by his dorm fridge full of beer.

4) We did not go broke - close, but not broke.

5) it is over, and I am looking forward to new years. .......

Bring on FY 2008, my list is short and simple for FY 2008
1) For Pyper to sleep all night in her own bed (not MINE).

2) To lose that last 7lbs that keep haunting me

3) One good night out with my girlfriends...................

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Letter to Santa & Hannah Montana..

Okay, so I suck. Rylan keeps his x-mas list posted on the fridge. It serves two purposes on the fridge, one it is a reminder of his x-mas wishes, two it allows him to keep updating it at a moments notice. It seems like the list gets longer after each commercial.
Last night Rylan informs me that I need to mail the list to Santa today. So here I am at work, and no list. The damn thing is still posted on the fridge. Do you think I can tell Rylan that I am going to 'fax' the list to Santa? Or perhaps I can call the list in to Santa's hotline for 'good kids'? ugh.
Also last night I am looking thru Rylan's folder from school and I find a letter to Hannah Montana. Rylan sees me pull out the letter and I begin reading it out loud, Rylan turns red and semi-embarrassed. It reads something like this - Hello, Hannah Montana. I like you, and your music. When I grow up I want to be a rock star, maybe some day we could rock-out on stage. ha!!
I look across the kitchen to Lance who is placed at the sink, we smirk at each other and continue on about our business. Who knew Hannah was so popular? I kind of did, I have 6 nieces who LOVE her, and apparently the boys kind of dig her too.
So Santa if you can hear me, Rylan has been fairly good boy this year. He has been pleasure to watch grow up. Please send me your fax number so I can get this task taken care of.

Lastly, I give up. I am done with this Christmas season.

I want drink so much that I look like this... (kidding). Hopefully it makes you smile.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Last minute CRAP...

I am told daily by our ever so smart 6 yr old how many days we have until x-mas. So this morning I was met with 'only 7 days until Santa'.

Me - 'what no good morning, how are you, how'd you sleep?'

Son ' no, just counting down until Christmas'.

Me - 'great.'

I keep hoping that it is all a bad dream, that i really have 30 days left until Christmas. I am half-ass done, as usual. I am a last minute kind of girl - I like to stress out, bit every one's head off and get things done. I get in 'go' mode and kick the project out - I am viewing Christmas as a project. And between shopping and wrapping I could die.

So I was sorting thru my list and realized I forgot to get crap for the teachers, damn, the list keeps getting longer. So hubby informs me he too has some last minute stuff to get. So I asked 'which night this week are you going to go?'

Hubby ' I don't know'

Me ' OMG. You go Wed after work and I will go Thursday'.

A COSMO sounds really good right now.

Did I mention the lady who works for me has not been in the office for one full week in the last two months. I don't want to be the 'bitchy' boss, but we are only a team of two, I need her to be here and be productive. So she showed up today, coughing and hacking. I gave her the hairy eye-ball - you know the one that says ' if you make me sick, I will KILL you'.

I need her here, but I don't need her here if she is sick. I am in a bit of a situation at the moment.

On a brighter note I have taken 1/2 a day on Friday (to wrap while everyone is at work/school), and I am getting my hair cut tomorrow. Maybe a new hair cut will make me happy.

Side-barr * we are having the biggest loser contest at work, I have been wavering about signing up. So a co-worker called me and asked me to be on their team. They started out the call with ' don't take this personal, but are you signing up?' um. Believe it or not there is something personal about that phone call. I ended up signing up. I fear I will have to forgo Starbucks, it is prob best if I avoid all people.

Monday, December 17, 2007

A Charlie Brown Christmas...

Okay so I FINALLY got my tree up and it looks like a Charlie Brown Christmas tree. But, hey it is up and it has lights on it and a few hangie things. I normally wait until the last minute, because I am bothered by the fact that I even have to put one up at all. We are not HOME, why do I need a tree? We will be in the country.

I don't need a lot of emails telling me that I need one for the KIDS. I KNOW already. So now the kids will have a complete christmas, tree and all. Pyper broke 3 ordinaments last night and two tonight. She took off 4 candy canes, therefore everything had to be moved up higher. This task of moving items higher only fuled my point of ' why bother?'.

So this weekend we are planning to leave on Sat to head to the county. Saturday we are having a family affair. YEAH. It has been a long time since I have seen my family, and this will be my WHOLE family. I could not be more excited. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, family, friends, and perhaps even strangers - who cares. We are all getting together for the sake of getting together. We will hook up a radio, cook some food, and crank out the drinks. I smile just thinking about it. Our kids will be safe and happy. Who could ask for more?

Thanks santa for granting my wish....i needed to see them all.

Did I mention that my brother was going to make it also.....whoa!! He will be in from Arkansas. I am not singing any carols but I will participate in the egg nogg.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

FHM and a 6 yr old.

Well as predicted, our ayre of confidence was diminished rather quickly. Damn, raising kids is HARD.

I had Christmas Party last night for an organization I belong to, and felt compelled to go - to network. It was a bunch of people 20+ yrs older than me, standing around telling stories about 1975 events. Clearly, I cannot contribute, I was born around then.

Needless to say, I surrounded by executives that look at me as the GenX(er) they read about in the magazines. I am sure they felt my clothes were a bit too loud and my appearance was not stifled by glasses and gray hair. A few asked me 'who's assistance are you?'

Me ' I work for XXXX and I am the Director of Finance'.

They respond with a flat 'oh....welcome.'.

I think to myself 'welcome' - duh dickhead, I have been attending these meetings for the last year and 1/2. Welcome to climbing up the invisible latter and feeling as if a gorilla is strapped to your back.

Anyway, I network some, because you NEVER know when you might need these people. I drink two glasses of wine and head home. I mean really, imagine a room full of 'typical' accountants. Two glasses of wine was not enough. Trust me.
I drive thru Clayton and thank god I don't have to drive these streets everyday. Once I am home, I get ready to settle into our routine. Bath, school work , dinner, reading, tv - bedtime. The kids have been bathed, school work has been completed - good job hubby. We have dinner, we read and Rylan wants to watch TV downstairs.

I rock the baby (she is a toddler) to sleep, and as I head down the stairs I hear Rylan shuffle around downstairs. As I approach he has that deer in the headlights look. I figure he was picking his nose or something. I place Pyper in her bed and tell Rylan to get into his bed and I will tuck him in. I bend down to pick something up, look over to my left and see two magazines under the bed. um. Rylan in the mean time has placed his head under his covers. I pull out the magazines and realize they are his fathers FHM magazines, the ones his dad keeps in his personal bathroom next to the man toilet. I curse silently under my breath.

Me ' Rylan did you put these here?'

Rylan ' No'.

Me ' If YOU LIE to me, you will be in BIG trouble'. *mind you had soap in his mouth last night.

Rylan ' Yes, I am looking at them.'

Me' What are you looking at?'

Note: One page is open

Rylan ' I am looking at the girls'.

So, one books is open and the other book has been marked a half naked girl. *UGH!!!

I tell him' you know these are adults books, for daddy only, and you have little boy books which you read.' *okay, I am grasping....welcome to winging it. I kiss him goodnight and move on.

I march up stairs, magazines in hand and drop them on Lance, who is laying on the couch. He gives me the 'what' look. I state ' YOUR son had these hid under his bed'.

Lance half smiles, almost proud. Lance 'did he say why?'

Me 'he said he was looking at the girls'.

Lance 'well, at least he was not looking at the boys.' ha. ha.

Me - 'you need to have a man to boy conversation with him. On an elementary level- nothing too detail. Plus you need to clean out your bathroom and throw these away.'

Lance crinkles his nose ' we will talk and I will clean the bathroom.' *For some reason I am not totally convinced that he will clean his bathroom. This child is 6 going on 7 - the interest in girls seems EARLY to me.

We do not watch adult TV at our house, our favorite channels are Disney, Nickelodeon and discovery. Dirty jobs, food network and dinosaurs. So is this typical or do I have a nympho on my hands? I called my mother and my sister today to inform them what happened. They seemed understanding and half giggled.

I called them because I have 6 nieces that range from 12 to 4. We see them on a regular basis (weekly) our kids bathe together, swim etc. I want them to know he is becoming 'interested', still innocent, so please don't take that away.

But he knows that boys and girls have different parts and now he wants to know more. UGH. It is not time for the sex conversation, but it is time to let the boys not necessary see the girls naked.

It was more of an awareness conversation. ugh.

So damn you FHM for stitting in our bathroom and peaking my son's interest. And damn society for shoving sex and interest down our throats.......

And damn me for being so naive that my son still had a few years. And damn my hubby for being proud that my son is not showing gay tendencies.

*Not that we thought he would, but it seems to have been my husbands worst fear, now he can rest easy.

Did I mention everyone in my home was up from 3:30 to 4:30 last night.

Will we ever get to sleep all night? Anyone wanna trade spots?

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Barr of Soap..

Last night I get home a tad bit late, I am staying later than usual in an effort to get out my 2008 budget document. I get home, drag my butt thru the garage, into the kitchen. I am met by Pyper who is squealing with joy, because she is happy to see me. Lance is tooling around the kitchen, looking busy. I make my way into the living room, Pyper in tow and find Rylan on the couch. He is whimpering and appears to be eating a twinkie. I round the corner back into the kitchen and ask Lance 'what is wrong'?

Lance - 'Ask Rylan'. I back track into the living room and by now Rylan is crying and mumbling ' it burns, it burns.' I am alarmed. I look closer and realize that the yellow twinkie in his mouth, is not a twinkie at all it a bar of yellow-dial soap. Now the situation has peeked my interest. Clearly Rylan cannot answer any of my questions, because he is foaming at the mouth, and on the verge of hysterics. I look at Lance once again to inquire - what happened. He responds ' Ask Rylan'. In the back round Rylan is crying, 'DAD can I take it out!'.

Lance 'No, you still have a few more minutes. Your 15 minutes are not up.'

Me '15 minutes, you cannot make him keep it in there for 15 minutes, he really is starting to get it up his nose. '

Lance shrugs his shoulders in a whatever motion. I make my way back to the living room with instructions for Rylan ' get in the bathroom rinse your mouth out and jump in the shower. While you are in the shower, make sure the water goes in your mouth and swish it around.' As I am speaking, he is continuing on with 'it burns, it taste gross, get it out'.

I motion for him to hand me the bar, which by now is foamy, slimy and has teeth marks in it. I giggle to myself. Nice! *Kudos to Lance for finding a constructive way to discipline this child without beating his butt. Rylan will remember this for a long time.

Then it dawns on me, I still don't know what prompted this discipline. I go the shower to ask Rylan, but he is distraught (still). So, I leave him to whimper in the shower. Back in the kitchen, I corner Lance. Lance states ' He told me I was a pile of crap. ' I laugh out loud. Lance looks stern, not funny.
*For the life of me, I just knew this child said a four letter word. Well, technically he did, but crap is not as bad as the words running thru my head.

Lance explains that they were in the grocery store, Rylan was not listening as usual, and Lance instructed him to stop and Rylan responded with a smart ass comment similar to 'No, you pile-of-crap'. 'Oh', is all I can muster at this point.

I am surprised Lance did not pick Rylan up right then and there and light him on fire. Instead Lance had enough gumption to wait and put a barr of soap in his mouth. Genius.
We have been struggling with how to curb Rylan's 6 year old attitude. I prefer not to spank him, the barr of soap is a simple and harmless answer.

Rylan was suspended from playing video games and watching football on top of the barr of soap. Tough night for the little guy. Tough, but too the point. Excellent!

See, we really are getting this parenting thing down pat. ;) There is a ayre of confidence running thru the DePew houshold today, I am sure we will be blindsided by something else this evening.
We maybe breeding delinquents, but they will be delinquents with manners, that mind their parents and respect adults.
*Now if we could only get Pyper out of our bed. One obstacle at a time, I guess.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Winter -

Winter is here and I am miserable. I HATE winter. I hate snow, ice, cold, wind, boots, coats, sweaters, gloves etc. So what the hell am I doing in STL Mo - freezing my *arse off?

Every year I beg my husband to move us some place warm, breezy with a cabana boy and a drink with an umbrella. I would (in theory), get a tan, stay tone and enjoy going outside.

Instead he settles for me being pasty white, flabby (after two kids), and stirr-crazy between the walls of my work / home.

Normally I range between bitch and bitchier - I have layers :).

But in Winter, I am Miserable, so you can guess where that places everyone else.

I have thought about tanning during these bleak months, where the official color is gray. But given my Irish blood, tanning beds are my enemy..... I walk out with a red splotchy face, and burnt all over. I look like a walking candy cane, becuase you can see the lines from the tanning beds burnt into my skin. Not pretty.
Not much of a reprieve. So damn you winter for casting your gray clouds and sprinkling our roads and trees with ice. No fluffy snow here, just slick ice.

Did I mention that 99% of STL cannot drive in the ice/snow.

Someone save my frustrated soul.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Santa is sneaking up...

Christmas is just around the corner and I can barely breath. Spending money makes me hold my breath. Whether or not it is a little money or ALOT, I get stressed. I worried when we upgraded our car, in order to fit our whole family. I worried when we bought our house. I have a love/ hate relationship with money.

I hate to cut things close, even though we live pay-check to paycheck. So you can imagine how emotional I get when unforeseen events happen - Lance's truck needing fixed, my dryer going out, and Christmas.

I KNOW Christmas is not unforeseen - it happens every year, and every year I stress over trying to get it all done. Trying to get gifts and not go broke. Christmas seems to cost more each year, therefore I consider it unforeseen. The list of people gets longer, once again unforeseen.

*Does it really cost more, or am I just trying to 'please' everyone. Perhaps a bit of both. The older my children get the more expensive gifts they want. In addition, my husband is 30 something stuck in a 12 yr olds mind-set. He wants a Wii or Playstation 3, plus games, a dorm fridge for beer, and a shop vac. Aside from the shop vac, the other gifts are off the table. I fear he many never grow up.

Lance likes to spend money on Christmas, he likes to spend ALOT of money on Christmas. He feels like the more money you spend the happier the people will be with what you bought them. That is a result of his childhood, hence, my love/hate relationship with money is a result of my childhood.

My parents fought over money, they had BIG fights over spending money, lying about money, how it should be spent, when it should be spent etc. Money was the core of their disputes 95% of the time. That could be why I hold my breath every time I spend it. Lance and i are very open about what we spend and where - no lying, no hiding and always communicating.

So yesterday I got paid, paid our bills and then did a little more Christmas shopping. When my kids were down stairs I lead Lance to the car to show him the additional items I had picked up. I was really excited to show him some of the things I had gotten. He looked at all of the item and then said, ' you are cheap-skate'.

I was livid. Are you kidding me..' these are good gifts'.

He said ' you could have spent more than $8.00 on a gift'.

Me ' why? The gift is a great gift and at a great price'.

So as Santa sneaks up on me, I continue to hold my breath. I am trying to please everyone on a budget. I am of the opinion that if you really gauge your present based on the cost, rather than the intent than you have lost the spirit of Christmas.

I intent to buy gifts that I think you will enjoy, and if I can find them at Dollar General score for me!

My son is going to love his 8.00 remote control car, and my daughter will love her 1.00 princess shoes ; regardless of the price. They will notice that the car is black with really big tires and the princess shoes are pink and shiny. They will not notice that the gifts are missing the brand name sticker, which would cost me an additional arm and leg.

Ba-humbug. Santa I could use another month.....anyway we can work that out?

Thursday, December 6, 2007

um? Things you 'might' not know

Random thoughts and facts:

Fact - I hear that the fastest way to get drunk is by funneling the stuff thru your butt.

You might want to stop there, today's post does not get much better.

Fact - As a child in grade school I could write with both hands, hence using both sides of my brain. I choose to be left handed (which might explain ALot about me).

Fact - I can touch my tounge to the bottom of my chin, but not the tip of my nose. um.

Fact - I can put my whole fist in my mouth (boredom can make you act like an idiot). The trick is getting it out.

Fact - I have one tatoo (big toe) and 6 piercings. 5 in my ears and one in my stomach.

Fact - last night Rylan asked if he could get his ears pierced. We acted as if we did not hear him.

Fact - I can hit a baseball with my left or right side (switch batter), but I cannot use right handed scissors.

Fact - my toe next to my big toe is my longest toe.

Thought - I think my son will be smarter than me by the time he is in the third grade.

Fact - I went to college to get a degree in dance and graduated with an Accounting degree. I could not leap with my left leg.

Fact - I have an Accounting degree and struggle to figure out a tip. My husband is scared!!

Fact - Starbucks is addicative and expensive.

Fact - I can pickup almost anything up with my toes. I 'think' if I had to I could eat with my toes. Chop Stix might pose a problem. Soup could be messy.

Fact - I am afraid of heights. I can barely drive over a bridge without freaking out.

Fact - I am stalling so I don't have to finish my work. ;)

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

A day in Nov....with Friends.

Back in November one of my friends had a wedding reception and it was the first time in YEARS that all of my college roommates had gotten together.

In college I lived in a house with 4 other girls, we were a collection mismatched personalities that on an off day seemed to work well.

In the house we had Laurie the tall blond from West Co, Phoong the Asian from GA, Tina the Mexican from TX, Me the farm girl from MO, and Trisha the flat lander from IL. These girls are so much more than being blond, Asian and Mexican, but if you saw us walking down the street or shopping in the grocery store together you saw a melting pot of personalities.

The college we went to did not have frats , so the house was the closest experience we had to being in a soirety. We had to petition for our house, and we named it the 'community service house' * I know how gay. Our house was surrounded by the jocks, the art house, and the dance house. We attended a liberal arts school, so dance and drama were part of the package. In our petition we stated we would do several community service oriented task through out the year, and for the life of me I cannot remember performing one such task. My mind is filled with parties, sleeping in, couch jumping and Jerry Springer.

To live in a house on campus was something to experience. We all lived together for one year......that house holds so many wonderful memories for me. We had our fights and internal squabbles, how could we not....we had boyfriends, siblings, friends and family funnel in and out on a regular basis. Our house was dirty, our bathroom was disgusting, our fridge was normally bare, our clothes normally in a pile on the floor, and our books remained on the table until we HAD to open them. We would all bond over chicken soup (prepared by Phoong), drinks (box o'wine), and sad days influenced mostly by boyfriends.

Phoong was the most driven she slept with CNN blasting in the back round. Trisha the quirky one, we would bond over Prince and Jessies girl. Laurie the most neurotic and always fashionable (I am jealous). Tina the shopaholic (pack rat) and love blind. Me the flighty one, I tried to be driven, but would ditch a class to hang out with anyone interesting.

The experiences we had in that year have bonded us for life. Back in the house, one evening while drinking wine, a wager was made about who would get married first and last. Phoong and Tina fought over who would be last. At 18 or 19 I don't believe I really cared. But they held on to that notion 10 years later.

Tina got married this past May and Phoong got hitched this past Oct. And at sometime during each event one of them brought up that conversation. Phoong would state, 'I knew, I would be last'.

*Whatever, none of us knew. Who knew that we would all find love, have kids and actually be happy? Who knew that Laurie would have twins and stay home, Trisha would actually marry Thomas, I would marry Lance and it would be okay, Tina would let go, be strong, move away and find love in a person not named Mike and Phoong would find love with a guy with a personality? God has been good to us through out the years.

It is hard to imagine that we all contribute to society these days, we are wife's, parents and professionals. Aside from that we are still friends. Not best friends, but friends, and friends we can still count on should something arise. We don't see each other as often as we should, nor do we call. But in the nature of true friendship, we don't have too. Once we all get together we pick up right where we left off. We embrace each others shortcomings and support each others decisions, even if they aren't something we agree with.

I really enjoyed seeing everyone again, and thank god that he placed each of you in my life. Now we continue to add to our little circle, our husbands and kids help mold the people we are today. As life continues to hand us joy and disappointment, we will remain steadfast and friends.

Pyper expresses it best how I feel. I can be myself around you guys, and that makes me Happy.
Thank you!

Monday, December 3, 2007

Saturday - shop with a cop..

So this weekend was pretty much how I expected.

On Saturday I went to work to help support the local shop with a cop program. I work for a city and decided to contribute money and time to a local family. I brought Pyper along for the adventure, while hubby and bubby stayed at home. We were given one child to help shop for Christmas at the local Walmart. Our child was 6 yr old girl, she was a delight.

It was a bit difficult to shop and not let Pyper get any thing, but she did well. Our child's name was Lydia, she was one of four siblings and she spent her money on everyone but herself. I spent approx 4 hours with Lydia and enjoyed every moment of it.

As a rule of thumb I don't shop Wal-Mart. My husband is union and VERY anti-walmart. I KNOW Walmart would save me money, and i have tried until I was blue in the face to get my husband to come over to the otherside, but he refuses. Now, I do make my own money, but out of respect for what he is trying to stand up for I do not shop walmart (much to my disappointment). So as a non-walmart shopper I was impressed by their toy section and their prices. Lance tells me 'we don't shop walmart because they do not treat their people well, and they are supporting the Chinese. '

I responded ' do you even know one personthat works at wal-mart? because I don't'.

Lance ' no.'

Me ' than how can you stand on the idea that they treat their employees bad? I think that is a cop out.'
Anyway, moving on. I took Lydia to Walmart along with 32 other deserving children and several other volunteers. It was a great cause and melted my heart. I am truly grateful for my family, our jobs and our ability to make ends meet. I hope you do something special with your time and money this season.


Nieces & Nephews and Kids...