Any other words to wise? I welcome your advice.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
First off, Pyper is now sick. The child is home today with her father, so I made it to work. Only, after I paid in boogers and blood to get out of my house. The child was up at 4am, with a fever. I tried to give her the necessary medicine to cure the fever and go back to bed - the child spit it out. My head was about to spinn off. Then said child dumped her cup all over the couch. Angry does not begin to describe my mood. On the second attempt of getting the medicine down the childs throat, i shot it in there, and held her lips shut. Blew air in her eyes until she swallowed. It sounds worse then it was, REALLy. Once her lips could open she was screaming at the top of her lungs. I scooped her up, and brought her down stairs and placed her in the middle of my bed. *the bed where hubby was snoring the night away without a care in the world, while I am dealing with the devil child.
Pyper was back asleep in 10 minutes.
6:00 am, came really early this morning. Pyper whimpered from the moment she got up, nothing pleased her, nothing made her happy. Once she realized that I was leaving and she was not, she was hysterical. I mean HYSTERICAL. For the love of god, give me a drink and some drugs.
You would think this would be the worst of my day, um, well, not so much.
Because most people suck!
My boss sucks, I dealt with him on my way into work.
Then I get to work to find out that a 'family' member has been bad mouthing me and dear ol' hubby.
Can we say final straw???
I personally tried to call 'said' family member, and luckily he was not home to answer his phone, because I had a ear full for him. Then, after some further thought, I called my hubby and told him to handle it. It is with his side of the family anyway *which sucks.
I have been more than tolerant with this particular relative, I have bite my tongue on more than one occasion, but no more. I.Am. DONE.
So this particular family member has major control issues, major drinking issues, and frankly just sucks. He is not happy unless he makes everyone around him miserable. I refuse to get sucked up into his warped world. Apparently his 18 yr old daughter has gotten her self into a bit of trouble, while away at college. His daughter is my niece, whom I stay in contact with. He has taken it upon himself to tell his father, sisters and the whole town that the reason his daughter is in trouble is because of the manner in which Lance and I have influenced her.
*see eyes roll in back of head, and middle finger flipping up.
My words to him: *Hey dumbarse - you are the parent, she is kids. She will make dumb decisions, she will drink & drive, she will go to the bar, she will have boyfriends, and she will not obey your every wish.
If you choose to blame anyone perhaps you should look in your own household. You know the one that you created with fear, beatings, cruel words and control. Your being a control freak, and a piss poor dad is the reason she is acting out, the reason she is not talking to you. When you say things like 'your hips are getting big, it must be from spreading your legs.' You can imagine what that does for your childs self esteem. Not that you ever cared, you preferred that she never had a sense of self or worth. You want to blame me. FINE. I can take it, but be big enough to pick up the phone and tell me about it. Ohh, that is right. You are not that big. You are only a big talker, who persuades with anger, punishment and fear. Those tactics don't work on me, you know better than to call me, because I would tell you to kiss my a*ss.
I feel no love loss between us. I am sorry that my husband is subject to you as his brother. This is not the way brothers and sisters act. You are a poor example for a parent, friend, husband and brother. Shame on you.
I am not always right, not always sane, not always on target. But i have tried and am done with you. You are toxic in my world. You spineless fool. There is no love loss between us, as your world falls apart I pity you. May your 'god' save your soul, as you continue to live your lie and spin your web of lies, it will catch up with you. As you continue to be jealous of other people, their possessions and their loving relationships - it will catch up with you.
I sleep well at night, loving my husband and my family. I have enough love for yours as well. Your daughter needs someone to lift her up, and embrace her - the good, the bad, the ugly and the mistakes.
*thanks for letting me rant, I feel better!!
I am really tired of the toxic people in my life. I cannot get away from this man, but I refuse to be a part of his control game. Lance did call his brother today, and his brother did tell him that he was saying all of those things about us. Lance just said ' if that is how he feels Michelle then there is nothing we can do about it.'
Why are men so damn dumb? Well, at least his brother knows we know.......let the games begin.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Somewhere among the frantic weekend and the sudden sickness, I got lost in time.
I just made it thru today, and I have idea what the hell I did all day. I know i did alot, my desk looks like a wreck, and my calender was packed full. But damn, if I can remember what I did two minutes ago.
I was home yesterday caring for a sick 7yr old boy. He woke up a 1am on Sunday morning, letting me know that he needed to puke. So, once I wrapped my head around the notion that someone was actually talking to me at 1am, my eyes flashed open, my feet hit the floor and we found the local toilet. We spent the next 7 hours making frequent trips to the porcelain god or sturdy trash can. He was a sad soul all of yesterday, with his never ending fever and puking. I spent the day changing sheets, pillow cases, wiping down door knobs, and attempting to kill the germ before it takes over my household.
I sent Pyper to the sitters, she was feeling fine. I figured a day away would be good for her, and hopefully keep her far enough away to not get sick. Well, so much for my effort- it was futile. Pyper woke up last night with a fever. DAMN,DAMN, DAMN.
So today, Lance is off work (they are slow) and he has both kids. Praying that tomorrow everyone can get back to their normally scheduled program. Highlight of the sickness, we won't make practice tonight.
As a side note and to highlight the normal everyday stuff, today is my 8 year anniv. And the reality is that I forgot - which in turn means that Lance prob forgot as well. I am just to damn tired to even care, besides it is a Tuesday - who celebrates on a Tuesday?
I put reminders on my calender today to remind me to go out and get a card & 'something' - but i just kept pressing 'snooze' and alis it is 4:18 and I have not gone anywhere.
If I thought my stunning personality and rockn' bod would cut it I would not be so freaked out. *But since I am crabby, tired, and middle age - I prob should stop by and pick up a cake and beer.
Then I can call it a day.
8 years ago he would have settled for sex and drinking ;
today we find cake and beer - because sex is out of the question.
I am TIRED and I have a headache.
Look me up in another 8 years when the kids are gone, we can have make-up anniv sex. *pencil me in.
Happy Anniv from our reality to yours......
*thank you to a. di for the text reminder as well.
Friday, September 19, 2008
This is what she was talking about!!
Note: Sorry, to all the guys, gals that are working the InterPlay this weekend. I cannot make it or volunteer. Just too much going on. Plus we are headed to the country tomorrow, and Lance has streep tonight. Best of luck!!! Anyone interested in attending check out the link!!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
I don't think I am cut out for politics, I don't think I can in 'good faith' stand the behind the scenes with the nonsense that goes on. There are bad deals begin made, there are indications of scheming going on, and am having a hard time getting thru it all. I am having a hard time keeping my mouth shut. *big surprise. I am to the point where I want to shout it all from the roof tops, call a spade a spade and pick up and go. Just go, go on with my life with my head held high and my pride in tact.
But what if I am wrong. Although, every part of my intuition tells me that I am right. The stuff going on around here 'smells foul', it has a continuation of bad deals swirling all around it. And with each passing meeting, and each statement being made, the players become more and more clear.
A statement keeps ringing in my head 'sometimes the right thing to do, is the hardest.'
So, do you keep your job for the sake of a pay check (a roof over your kids heads, food on the table). Or do you walk that fine line of potentially getting fired in an economy that sucks. Do you have the faith to believe that it will all work out? That god will keep you from falling. *That the the idea that the 'good guy' always wins will REALLY play out??? Seems like a big risk to take when I have so much to lose. Or maybe it is gods plan that I do fall. Fall down, scrape my knee for the sake of getting back up again.
Can I really live with myself, if I don't speak my mind? Can I shut off the babble in my head that keeps me up at night? Can I get rid of the edge in my voice and frustration that mounds daily?
I am finding it hard to even look at people in the same light. I refuse not to look them straight in the face, but then wonder how they can possibly live with themselves. I look in their eyes for some sense of self, some indication of what I 'think' bad-people should look like. Well, apparently they look just like you and I. They sit up there on their moral horse, spouting right from wrong, good verses evil and pride. They hold their head high, walk with a stride that commands attention, all the while they are backing the bad guy, taking away people's right to make good, informed decisions, and perhaps lining their own pockets. They have mucked up the core basis of the conversation with colors of gray.
Is it enough to just tell some people? Or is it better to tell someone who will actually make a difference? *babble,babble..........this is only small level politics, I can only imagine what goes on in the state and federal level.
I am shaken to the core by a series of events. I am angry beyond words, and disappointed in people that I have no real attachment to.
At the same time, I have children to raise, children who will lead by my example not always by my words.
example: Like telling my children 'don't lie'. And I go shopping and don't tell Lance. My son hears the words, but he see's me lying to Lance. *Not a big lie, not one that would really cause any major issues. But the actions are not the words set forth. The action is what is most important, therefore the words are meaningless. So when I tell them to do the 'right thing, stand up for their principles' - am I willing to do the same?
Welcome to the test........
Perhaps they can all just kiss my a*ss. Pucker up butter-cup.
Thank you to everyone who sent warm thoughts and wishes. I did not do anything rash, but still got my point across. Welcome to wading thru the sh*t. Thank you, thank you.
Monday, September 15, 2008
I am crunched for time. I have a ton of photo's to share, and a few stories, grips, etc.
All in due time, dear audience......I am swamped, cranky, pms'ing and I have a meeting tonight to prepare for - which is going to suck the life out of me.
1) Here Pyper on the potty. note: if you must poop- then be pretty while getting it done. Black pumps are so in this season. If she is anything, she is stylish.
Praying for this day to be done!!!!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Our schedule is panning out a bit. Practice has been cut down to two days a week rather than three - thank god! A schedule has been posted and our game on Saturday is at 10:30. YEAH! 10:30 I might actually get to sleep in past 6:30 am. However the game is in Hillsboro - do they not have games in STL?
Everyone was glad I made it home Wed afternoon. And after an hour of being around, they were ready for me to go away. AWAY. Apparently, I am stressed out, PMS'ing, and being a BIZ-Nitch. I thought things were normal. ha!!
The conference went well, and I thought I used my time wisely - networking.
I met a few people - such as the Mayor / City Admin from Desloge, Mayor of Pilot Knob and exchanged cards with a few Mayor's from around the City.
I attended the conference with several staff members and aldermen from the city I work for. They are not much fun, actually they are NO fun (and that is putting it lightly!). For the most part they are either fake, obnixous, old (act old), don't drink, don't smoke (what do ya' do? - ha!!).
I tried my best to make it a worth while trip. This weekend is filled with football, rain and a wedding. As normal we will drive to the country and back, which thanks to Ivan will cost an arm and a leg. Keeping my fingers crossed that a new job drops in my lap.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
I get to go home tomorrow and it cannot come fast enough at this point. I was sitting in a class yesterday with another younger guy, whom I know well, and he leaned over and stated 'so, how does it feel to be the youngest person around?'
I just smiled slightly, it 'has its pros and cons.' In the same class our speakers name was Mrs. Buschyheadd (SWEAR!!). She was speaking about checking references, doing backround checks att. She stated that in this day and age you can even search google to see what is out there about some one. I laughed out loud. Here is the image in my mind...................
You get a resume from one Mrs. Buschyheadd, you attempt to google one Mrs. Buschyheadd - dear god, you would be fired immed from all of the triple xxx pop-ups. I shared my 'funny' thoughts with my friend sitting next to me, he choked on his soda.
Then I leaned over and told him, as an after thought, I think I would have just kept my maiden name being Mrs. Bushyheadd has to suck, and NO way would I subject my kids to that.
Clearly, I attempt to insert humor whenever I can. Which can be hard to do with alot of these tight-shirts.
So, on to my real reason for this post. The Mayor, yeap the same one that has been subject to my husband and his never ending nonsense. Well, last night we go to dinner with about 7 other people. I ride with the Mayor and 4 other people, in the Mayor's car. One the way to dinner he alternator goes out. Yeap, while driving. First his battery light goes on, then his dash goes dead, then his transmission won't shift, breaks start to shut down, and the power steering goes out. Good times. ugh.
Well, we eat, we make it back to the hotel by shuttling in shifts. We drop off the broken car at the local gas station and call triple AAA. We make our way back to the bar in the hotel. Don't judge, you would need a drink too - seriously, these people tend to SuCK.
While having drinks with a few colleges, Mayor included. The waitress comes to close out the bill, and tells us that she cannot put the tip on the card, she already closed out. Everyone looks appaled. I dig in my purse and give her a tip. Well, everyone around considered it a BIG tip. It was not a big tip, it was a tip over $1.00, but nothing too big. All eyes are on me, and i explain that I was a waitress thru college, and I understand how much these people depend on tips. Plus, if you tip them well, they will remember you and give you the necessary attention. duh.
The Mayor chimes in, 'were you a waitress at Hooters?'
I give him a sideways glance in disgust ' um, no....not so much.'
Mayor ' if not you should have been, you look like a hooters girl.'
I twist my face, reminding myself to KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT. I smile politely, secretly cursing him. What exactly does one who work at Hooters look like?
Don't get me wrong, if you work at Hooters or have worked at Hooters - good for you. They make great money. I just never wanted to wear the waitress out fit, I am not above working there, there are just so many other places to choose from. And I choose to work somewhere else.
Anyhoo............his comment really got under my skin. Am I perceived as a washed out Hooters girl? Mind you last night I wore, jeans, tan boots, a sweater (not to tight) a blazer and my pearls. I was appropriate. Not hooters appropriate. I cannot help feeling as if I took 10 steps back. I am not just pretty girl attempting to work in Finance, and that is just exactly what I felt like last night. I had so many things I wanted to say, but kept my mouth shut. It was not the time, nor the place. But the conversation was very revealing, and I am not sure I like what I see. However, I fear I may never be able to get away from it.....so how does one deal?
Last night, I crossed my legs, smiled back at the Mayor and changed the conversation.
In my mind, I pushed my boobs up to my chinn, lathered my lips up with lipstick, told him to bit me and then flicked my hair in his face. Today, I am going out to find the local hooters and pick up a shirt. I plan to wear it to dinner. Grrrrr......
Friday, September 5, 2008
Yesterday I get a call from Lance and here is how it goes:
Lance - 'Hey, can we loan Marty $500.00?'
Me - 'For what?'
*mind you Marty is a good friend, married with one baby and one on the way.
Lance - 'He wants to buy a mud-truck and is $500.00 short. He told me I could be half owner, too.' I can hear the glee in his voice.
Me - my tone is ice cold, because apparently hell has frozen over. ' um. how exactly does one share a truck? Who pays for the parts when it breaks? Who claims it on their personal property tax? Who gets to keep it at their house?'
Lance - 'I don't know. Michelle, you are making it more complicated. I mean really, how cool would it be to have a mudd- truck?'
Me - 'Where do you think we are going to get the $500.00? And why would he ask us? Why not ask his own family? Lance this is not really a necessity in his life either, it is not as if you are asking me to help him buy a car to get back and forth to work.'
Lance - 'Well, he said we really were his last resort, he hated to put us in that position. But if he doesn't get the truck today it will be gone. Once he sells his white truck he will pay us back.'
Me - 'yeah, because big white trucks are the going rage these days with the the gas prices. By the way we only have $50.00 in our savings up here. We are already struggling to make ends meet, since have only been working 15 hour weeks for the last 3 months. The only way you could get the cash is to take it out of the kids college fund.'
Lance 'Let me ask Rylan tonight about it, then.'
Me - Anger in my voice- 'are you kidding. You are not going to ASK Rylan. We are the decision makers,not him. Are you really going to take from your kids college fund so a friend can get a truck that he does not need?' ...ugh.
Lance ' He will pay us back. He said so.'
Me ' Oh, that makes it all better.'
Lance ' I will just tell him YOU said no.'
Me 'Grow some balls. If you want to tell him I said no, then fine. But you really should be able to make a better decision. Would you like me to go out back and shake our money tree, pick up the hundreds that fall off and give it away to Marty. I am sure we will earn some major friendship points.'
Lance ' Never mind. By the way, please don't curse or use that tone, I am in an office building working today, and we are on the nextel two-way.'
Me 'Isn't that an 'effing shame.'
I sit at my desk, appalled that I even had to have the conversation. Share a TRUCK. I assume he smoked his crack pipe this morning. *not really he does not smoke crack, but at times I wonder.
An update from football hell, because I know you all cannot wait to hear what happens next!
Well, we have our first game this Saturday, that is the good news. The BAD news it is at 8am in the morning. I know you are on the edge of your seat, it gets better!! The game is in DeSoto (1/2 hour away, if we drive like crazy heads), and we have to be there an hour EARLY. Do you know what that means? That means we have to drag our arses out of bed around 5:30 in the morning to get to damn football on the day I SHOULD be sleeping in. I really hope god is paying attention, because I deserve some major brownie points for this one.
Home make over addition is in our little city this week, here is the write up in the post.
I personally know Sam, and they could not have choosen a more deserving man. BTW, Ty is really HOT. I know you wanted to ask!
That is all for now. I must go shake our money tree so we can pay the babysitter and fuel up for our trip to Desoto. *insert sarcasm.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Over the weekend I asked my 18 yr old niece if she had something I could read. I have finished all of my books and thought she might have something interesting. Her eyes got wide, a smile grew across her normally angst face and an 'ohh, yeah' slipped out of her mouth. Within 15 minutes she in front of me with 4 HUGE books and said the theme is 'vampires'.
I cringed. I am not a sci-fi kind of girl, I am not a gory kind of girl. I am looking for mindless, aimless sexapades, flings and love that ends in the rain with a ring. She provided a side barr of 'it is a love story'. I threw her the 'yeah, sure' glance. She insisted I give them a try and let her know what I thought. Plus she states 'the movie is coming out soon!!' I felt myself puke a little in my mouth - no, not one of those books too. The movie is NEVER as good as the books and normally the books are overrated.
Okay, so I am wrong! I must be a vampire kind of girl. I must be a vampire, love story kind of girl. Did i mention there is not any sex (thus far), who knew they had good books with out sex? Is the writing brilliant, - no. Is the story great - no. Then why am I so enthralled? I honestly have no idea. I cannot put the damn book down, I even dreamt about it all last night.
What in the hell is wrong with me????
I get the story line. And as with most stories I can insert a bit of my life into it all. *Good girl meets bad boy -good girl knows better, but cannot help self. Good girl wins over bad boy on some strange connection level that only they understand. Boy wants to stay away from girl, but cannot. Girl is willing to do just about anything to keep seeing the boy even thought he secretly wants to kill her. yeap, that about sums up my life...in some small book nutshell. *only somewhere along the way, we do insert the sex part...
To make it even more embarrassing, I found out my 13 year old niece is also reading the same damn series. I saw her on Sunday with her nose in a book. I was taken a back to see her curled up with the second book of the series. She commented on how the second book was sad. I told her to shut her pie hole, don't tell me anything. Don't ruin it for me. She smirked, swung her blond/black hair back over her left eye and put her nose back in the book. She spent the entire afternoon reading. I was secretly jealous.....I left my book at another location and could not catch up. I secretly hoped her book would ignite in flames so I could laugh at her, and she could not continue to read about twisted vampires in front of me.
So, either I am too old to be reading this nonsense or they are too young. How could I possibly be flipped out over a book that is making its way into several girl generations of my family. I mean from the over 50 year old mommy type the to the I am angry, black, IPOD generation. They are all reading it or have read it. My 18 year old niece refuses to finish the 4th book, because she does not want it all to end. Her mother will finish the book before she does, and spent a lunch hour providing theories on how it may end.
Last night around midnight Lance wakes himself up. He is snoring in his recliner as usual. I left him there so I would have some company in the living room while i read about vampire love. Once his monster snor shook his head off, he opened his eyes and caught me peering over the top of the book. He shook his head in the 'I cannot believe you are still reading' manner and made his way to bed. As he kissed me good night he said ' good night my little bookworm.' I am stuck in bookworm hell!!! Anyone else here.......anyone else get it?