Monday, March 30, 2009

Another year....under his belt.

I remember having him, in my drugged out haze and arms that did not work - I could hear him screaming across the delivery room. The scream was delayed, he was born blue, born failure to thrive - on top of being cleft.
The chips were stacked against him, and I sure did not help.

I was hopped up on so much morphine I thought my toes were glowing, and could not feel my legs. His birth was not picture perfect, his entry into the world was tough.

The instant I hear him cry, I lost a part of myself. I was losing my ability to be so darn selfish...this screaming kid needed me. His cry touched my heart to the core. I needed to hold him, to touch him, and I needed to cry. He was here and I was terrified, and ecstatic all at the same time. Me, a mommy. Him, a son - a child of god, and now my child.

Made me question if god really knew what he was doing?
For real, he must be handing out kids like candy - Lance & I were no way parent material; or so I thought.

I remember leaving the hospital with an empty car seat and crying all the way home. Mommies are not suppose to leave the hospital without their babies and now I know why. Even thought I could not change a diaper, I knew I needed him close. I know I had SO much to learn - and yes, he was my learning curve. I may have gotten an E for Effort and an L for love - I luved him so much I could burst. And as my learning curve, I clipped your nails too close, didn't know how to clean your pee-pee (it freak'd me out!), and hit your head on a wall or two. Sorry, does not seem like enough - I am just glad you survived having me as you mommy.

As a baby I could never picture him growing up.
Is that weird?
I mean seriously, I never pictured him beyond the baby stage. Perhaps because his baby stage was filled with so many unknowns for me that I could not see beyond the next hurdle. Too bad, I am sure I missed some really good moments, begin wrapped up in my anxiety driven world.

Eight years has come REALLY FAST. I could never see beyond the sleepless nights, the crying, the feedings; shame on me. Although all of it seemed worth it, when you smiled at me. Your little broken smile could brighten up the darkest room.

In your eight years of life, you have taught me so much.
You have taught me that special needs is just a label.
You by the way, are not - special needs. You are not failure to thrive, and as you eat me out of house and home - I figure it is punishment for believing such nonsense. *For real, you eat TWO subway sandwiches this past weekend in one sitting (gross).

They said you may never excel in school - well once again color me WRONG.
You made all A's (again) this past report card. This makes me wonder whose child you really are - clearly these are not your dad's genes at work.
At this rate you will be smarter than me, oh by, tomorrow. ha!

You have a stubborn streak that is starting to make me crazy, but is tempered by the way you luv all things good and bad. Such as your sister - even in all her badness; you luv her. For instance when she was poking you in the head w/ the DS pencil - you still hugged her. A level of compassion I will never understand, but find amazing. I would have slapped my brother silly.

You make me want to be a better person and for that I thank you.

Your sister makes me want to drink, and I appreciate you being on the opposite side of the scope - it helps. When I yell at you, you are instantly sad - a reminder to me; that I don't need to take out my frustrations on you.
Some say our eyes are the window to our soul - I would say that applies to you. Your green eyes are so telling of your mood, disposition and happiness. As we enter the world of DS games, Moster Trucks, 4-wheelers, Metallica, friends, 2nd grade and Pokemon. I pray that you continue to make me your best friend, continue to think you father is the coolest person you know. We are so lucky to have you, and hope you have the best birthday ever!

Happy 8th Birthday my fry guy- I luv you!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Appliance Hell part duex...or DUH

So the drama continues.....
Where was I when I last left off- well, we established that Lance has the mentality of Patrick the starfish from Spongebob and today he continued to confirm that.

Before I get ahead of myself..let's talk about yesterday.
I call him around 10am - he is working nights, so he was home.
Me' hey what are you doing?'
Him 'getting ready to pick up the fridge?'
Me 'good.'
I call back 2 hours later......tick-toc, tick-toc.
Me 'hey, what is up?'
Lance ' well, I just had to cut the counter top to get the fridge to fit.'
Me slamming down the phone. *dear god.
Lance 'I measured it wrong - I measured it from the top and the counter is down below and it sticks out further than I thought. So, I had to cut it.'
Me ' what? Why did you not just return the fridge?'
Lance 'why, I have it at home.'
I hang up.
I get home that night, he is gone and the old fridge is in the garage and the new one it hooked up and working in my kitchen. Counter is cut and a bit jagged.
I go outside and begin cleaning the fridge outside - it is empty; but needs a good wiping. I take out the shelves & drawers. I take them around the house to hose them off - when I head back to the garage to put them back in, I drop one of the shelves and it SHATTERS. I am PISSED...this is the angst of my existence. I sweep it up and leave the damn fridge alone. I officially hate it - new and old. All this time the electric stove sits nicely un-used in my garage. While the old broken gas stove stays in my kitchen - taken apart and unable to be used.
So for dinner I use my dialing finger and get take-out.
I call Lance again...around 11am. Thinking that the drama is over. I mean for real, what more can happen - the fridge affair is over.
Me 'hey, what is up?'
Lance 'just cleaning out the garage and making the fridge fit.'
Me 'how are you doing that?'
Lance 'Oh, just moving things around. Plus, I put the electric stove out on the corner with a FREE sign.'
Me 'What the hell? The stove that works? Get your a*ss back out there and bring it inside. Why don't you put the broken stove on the curb with a FREE sign?'
Lance 'Who would pick up a broken stove?'
Lance' fine, I will go get it. but damn Michelle - what do you want me to do with it?'
I am thinking to myself - let me draw you a picture. I want you to take out the broken stove, place it on the curb and put the stove that works back in our kitchen. DUH.
I hold my breath, count to 10 - then just hang up. I don't have the energy to talk to him......
So tonight I will once again be in a kitchen with a new fridge and a broken stove.
I have dared some people at work to call my house and say that they were coming over with a truck because they saw the free stove.
Then I told the lady in my office, next week I suspect that Lance will just open my front door and put an 'open house' sign in my front lawn.
Perhaps, Patrick from spongebob is smarter than my husband - who is not smarter than a fifth grader.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Appliance HELL

Tell me, have you been enjoying the weather - if not, then you are living under a ROCK.
Don't go out today (tuesday), it is suppose to suck; but prior to today it was beautiful.
A short run down on our events, which in return lead me straight to appliance hell - with Lance smack dab in the middle of the mess. *I know big SUPRIZ.*

I took Thurs & Friday off work to spend time with the kids while Rylan was on an 11 day spring break. We didn't really have the money to do anything big - so we had a 'stay-cation!'
I took the kids to the zoo on Thursday - we had a blast.
Friday, we took the kids to Purina farms then headed down to Washington MO. Lance went to work that day, when we had decided that he would not - so he didn't get home until 1pm; so half of our day was shot. If you 'think' you notice a bit of tone - then you would be perceptive.
We were suppose to go downtown - that is a far cry from 109 and Washington MO. grrr.

Thursday night I go to preheat the oven, and it does not work. um.
So, I try again. Thinking that I am appliance challenged, so it could just be me.
Turn the knob to 350, turn the other knob to bake - um, nothing again. the oven is NOT getting hot; but the stove top is working. *that is weird to me*
I inform lance that HIS stove is broken. It is his, he does all the cooking - he seems miffed that the oven is broken; thinking that I just don't know how to work it he goes over to turn the knobs.
I stand idly by, eyeballing him as if to say 'told you so!'
He states ' they oven is not working.'
Ahh, well now that we are communicating clearly lets move on.
He 'thinks' it is the thermal cuppol (sp?) - I have no idea, but it sound good.
So he decides that he will take the oven apart to get the part out, then go to Sears and get a replacement part.
The back of the oven is taken off, all of the wires and knobs are placed on top of the counter and he pulls out this long wire longer than my arm with a circle at the top of it. This is code for holly hell, I am sure he has screwed this one up.

So on Sunday with the part in hand and the make / model of the stove he headed off to Sears.
So tell me, how did he end up at Sears on Sunday for 3 hours.
The kids and I made it to church and back before he ever made it home.
He comes strolling in around ohhh - 1(ish); with no replacement part. Sears does not have it. Still he has a receipt - a sales receipt.
Why you may ask - well, he bought a refrigerator while he was at Sears.
Of course, because that is what we needed....a stainless steel fridge to go into our white kitchen. Why did I not see this coming? So he purchases a fridge and leaves it at Sears - because he cannot get it home.
So now I have an oven that does not work and a fridge that I don't need.....(an cannot get home)
Oh, hang on kids, it gets better.
So today, he goes on a wild goose chase looking for the oven part. He makes his way downtown and calls me the part store. this is our conversation:
Lance 'hey michelle.'
Me 'yeah, what.'
Lance ' I am at the part store and the thermal cuppal is $289.00.'
Me banging the phone on my desk asking him ' do we have a BAD connection, I thought you just said over 200.
Lance 'yeah.'
Me 'turn around and get the hell out of there. The damn stove is not even worth that much.'
So now I am the proud owner of a fridge I don't need and an oven that I need to replace.
Now if you remember a few months back we had a stove episode when he switched our stove from electric to gas. You remember, when I thought he was going to blow us all up.
We still have our electric stove in our garage - for safe keeping. Perhaps god knew I would need it, or perhaps Lance is a pack-rat and it is out there with the console tv we have never used. Soon they will all have the nice company of a white fridge - because it too is being replaced; but still works well.

BTW we have until Thursday to get the new, shiny fridge from Sears....Lance is working nights and I am working days. This should be interesting!
Always good times at the DePew household......always.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Whew, it is over..

Well sort of..

And if anyone is downtown, and sees half my a*s could you please pick it up and bring it back to me. To say that the meeting was brutal would be an understatement. We were downtown from 9am to 4:30 ; no lunch, min breaks, and NO damn WATER.

Why would a federal building not have a water fountain or a water container? Perhaps by design, because they don't want anyone to stay.

My mother showed up at my house, around 8am (right on time), in her attorney attire. Ha! That makes me laugh, she was dressed nicely, and my niece apparently told her she looked very attorney(ish). Lance took the day off work to go with me as well, luckily he did not dress in his daily overalls - he put on his date clothes in stead. ha! He asked if he should wear his suite, and I responded ' your funeral suite?' he said 'Yes, the only suite I own.'
I quickly replied - 'no, that is bad luck.'
Off we went. Me with my husband and mother in tow. We were on time, which is so NOT like us, we were nervous and semi-ready. The other party would not let me have anyone else in the room while the discussion took place, so my mother and Lance were placed in a separate room off to the side. I was left alone in a law library while the other party was escorted back.....I stood up the whole time. In my mind I didn't want to be sitting down upon their arrival.
Perhaps too much TV or too many books, for some reason I had convinced myself that IF I was sitting down upon their arrival I was suddenly at a disadvantage. Who knows? Either way, I stood - looking out the window, saying a few small prayers. I had on my pant suit, and my hands in my pockets - just waiting.
The other party walks in and HUGS me, I mean for real people, they both hugged me. Then asked me if I was okay. um...can we say awkward. But whatever!.
8 hour later and several situations where I removed myself from the room and confided in my mother and Lance. You know I am scrapping the bottom of the barrel when I am relaying on Lance as the voice of reason. Well, that day, I was.....and as much as it pains me to say so - I am SO GLAD they were both there.
I did settle, I had too.
My case was not as open and shut as I would have hoped. Plus, apparently it is SUPER hard to prove discrimination. Then a twist came and I had to prove two levels of discrimination - because I report to a board as well.
*see me being totally deflated. I cannot prove discrimination across the board.
Damn man. So, I walked out and had to re-group.
I had every reason to be leery. I cried all the way home. I was emotionally exhausted, felt let down, and I went there with a very clear goal, and I left there with a whole new goal. All very eye opening, and exhausting.
I am not above learning a lesson or two - but that day was brutal.
At the same time, it was great. I know, I must be bi-polar - how can it be both?
Well, because within 24 hours, I had a whole new approach. I needed that lesson, as painful as it was. But today I am smarter, and know what to look for.
As I settled, I eluded to the fact that my boss WILL act out again - it is just part of his cycle. And next time, I will be more informed - and I won't make the mistakes I made this time.
Mark my word, there will be a next time - and I will WIN.
My mother tried to console me with the whole 'you may have lost the battle, but can still win the war' line of crap. I get her drift, but I so wanted to get them - perhaps I was too blinded by my own goal to see where i had failed.
We still left that law library in tact - I still have my job; which I am still doing well.
I still have to work with all parties involved. Work we will, and we will do so - a little smarter.
Because, now they know that I am not one to back down. I am not one that will give up, nor am I one that will be subject to their old ways. I will call them on it each and every time.
The future should be interesting.
I am glad it is over - I lost 4 lbs just that day, and thought I was going to gnaw Lance's arm off.
You wanna hear the topping of the day.
All parties meet in a common area to shake-hands at 4:30; this is when my mother in her attorney attire gets to meet everyone. She has a hurt thumb. Hurt to the point that you would think you were sticking a million needles in her eyeballs whenever anyone touches it.
So she goes to shake hands with a guy from the other side. She holds out her hand and screeches like a banshee. His eyes get big, he thinks he has hurt her.
I shoot her a look like WHAT THE HELL. She does not miss a beat, she ignores my glares from across the room. She states, 'oh my thumb is out of joint. You did not hurt it. I let the cow suck it out of joint.'
Yes, read again ' she said I LET THE COW SUCK IT OUT OF JOINT.
His eyes get real big, like the crack head standing in front of him really said something about a cow - maybe? She continues ' I had a baby calf that we hand feed, and I would let him suck my thumb.'
By now I am trying to shut her down. FOR REAL. 8 hours of work down the drain within 5 minutes of meeting my mother. The guy departs, just shaking his head - clearly thinking Michelle never stood a chance. Lance calls the Mayor a cocksucker, and her mother lets the cow suck her thumb. ha! ha!
So you tell me - how did it go?
Be honest!

Once home, I was still crying and Pyper brought me an entire toilet paper roll and she wiped my eyes. God luv her. So I could not be more grateful for my family and how they rallied around me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
To be continued - for that I am sure.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Distraction at its best.....

So tomorrow is my EEOC meeting.

I am trying to stay distracted today - which is not too hard to do, I am swamped at work. However the anxiety and stress of tomorrow looms around me like a lingering fart that just won't go away. The whole thing STINKS.

Tonight I need to go to the hill, in order to support a friend of mine whose uncle died; he was 84 yrs old. This friend of mine is in her 50's and re-arranged her life to take care of her align parents about 5 yrs ago. Her father died not long after she moved in with them, now she cares for her mother and her two uncles who live next door. She works full time as well.
So on an occasion or two I have met her for lunch and she would have he elderly team in tow. This little Italian family, so small in stature, but so big in family value and tradition.
To say that I know this man who passed away would be a stretch, I had lunch with him twice. But when my friend called me yesterday in tears, her voice breaking as she told me her uncle died and arrangements were being made. I let her know I would see her at the viewing tonight, to pay my respects. Respect to her, her mother, and her surviving uncle. I am hoping we can both slip away to a small spot on the hill and just talk. Talk alot about nothing, because I am sure that she too will need a distraction.

I know I needed a distraction, but I am not sure that it needed to be the funeral home. Alias, I will just have to tough it out, and perhaps the tears I cry tonight in her presence will be a release of the stress and fear I have over my meeting tomorrow; and they may comfort my friend as she sheds a few tears for the family member she lost.

I have taken the entire day off work tomorrow. My meeting is EARLY in the morning. I do not expect it to last all day, but I know enough about myself to know that work is not the place I need to be afterwards. I will need to drink and cry - in no particular order. Perhaps I will cry in my drink; because we all know how pleasant that is! My mother and Lance are going with me.....for support. And we all know they will be up for a drink or 4, regardless the time of day. Deep down, I am really glad they are going, but I won't tell Lance that, because we are STILL fighting. *aka - jerk!*

How I wish it was going to be someone else in that room.

Tonight I will pray for strenght and wisdom. I will have to keep reminding myself how blessed I am, and remember why I am doing this - because for real, it would have been easier to just walk away. It would have been easier to just let them get away with the nonsense and stand on the sidelines. It would have been easier, but not me... I clearly prefer the road less traveled.

God Speed. *any good mo-joo you could send my way would be greatly appreciated. I could use all the help I can get!

Did I mention I had dark chocolate espresso beans for lunch - zip, zing, zoweeee. My left eye is twitching and my foot is shaking. Prob not such a good idea, but damn they were good. So excuse me while I go run around the block, like 500 times.

Monday, March 9, 2009


Well, today she turns 3 and the other drama queen turns 50.
I should have known that Pyper would share a birthday with the only other girl that could steal her thunder - BARBIE.

Today our little drama queen turns 3, and she is so full of life these days. She wears her emotions on her sleeve, you can tell if she is happy, sad, mad or just needing attention. She is an attention grabber, without even trying. So, imagine what happens when she really 'turns it on.'
Her smile will brighten any one's day, there are times it stops strangers in their tracks. At the same time, her anger and sadness will produce the most blood curling scream, your ears will want to bleed. Quite is not in her vocabulary, neither is dull.

I have determined that she is nocturnal, she does not require a lot of sleep, for fear that she may miss something. Because god forbid she not be the center of attention, even in her sleep.

Last night around midnight I hear 'sshhh, sshhh. SHUT-UP.' Yes, the child was sleeping and sassing someone in her dreams. I sat up and laughed out loud. I walk over to her bed, crawl next to her, smooth her hair and speak softly 'Pyper it will be okay.... ps - we don't say shut-up.'

She is the most comfortable around people that luv her unconditionally, and in her comfort zone she will entertain you to the fullest. She will sing along to the radio, even if she does know the words - she will just make them up, she has no shame. She will dance with all of the other kids to all kinds of music. Her father and brother have her head-banging in the back seat, while I have her getting a fair dose of pasty cline, elvis, foo-fighters, and Mr. Melloncamp. She luv's it all. She is a princess in the making, she luv's shoes, shinny things and make-up.

When asked what kind of a party does she want, she responds 'a present party.' ha! Of course.....

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Ms. Pyper, and barbie. Barbie will have to take a backseat in our house today. Altought everytime she comes on TV, Pyper breaks out in a scream, as her feet run to the TV and smack dab in front of it she stands shouting 'I want THAT, I WANT THAT.'

The other night she asked her father for a barbie cooter, her father turned red and had to leave the room. She follows behind him whining I want a pink barbie cooter, daddy. Let me translate - I want a pink barbie scooter.
And so it is done - a barbie and scooter for your birthday. We luv you, just the way you are.
Her favorite book as of today: Dr.Suess 'Oh the places you will go.' We look forward to watching you grow, and cannot wait to see the places you will go. God bless.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Shop talk....

I have been gone for a while now - just doing some fly by posting here and there; just to let everyone know that I am still alive.
Alive - if that is what you want to call it.

I am so pissed off at Lance I cannot stand it. I mean the sound of his breath irks the hell out of me these days. And that story is for another day - it is too long to get into today. And as much as I know this man, he never ceases to make me CRAZY and cranky.

Over the weekend we drove to the country to see Grandpa, and spend the weekend with him. Making a few dinners, checking his medication and just spending some time. Well low and behold grandpa had plans. whoa. So we showed up and he was gone, to a bday party which would take most of the day. The boys rode the 4-wheeler while Pyper and I made the 'rounds. We stopped by my mothers tax office to say hi, then moved on to my fathers auto body shop.

This is one of the places that my father is in true form. So there we were in this buchiet building (slightly bitter cold), surrounded by motorcycle parts, paint and 4 metal walls. He works, while I talk. He glances up at a me a few times, as if to remind me that I am rambling or repeating myself. *a habit I cannot help when I am struggling with a situation.

Him and I are discussing my upcoming EEOC meeting. My father is dedicated to helping me out, he is reaching into that network of his and consulting with his version of a 'hot shot' attorney. Now any other time I would be hesitant. Most people my father hangs out are not suitable to date my dog, let alone represent me in a court of law. But if my father does anything right, he protects the women in his life. Money does not run'th over in our lives, nor does it in his, but he would trade a paint job for this mans service - for me, for my protection. *see me glowing with pride.

His work is sought after in the cycle circles that he runs in, and he knows it. He could do this for me and help protect me - or he could do and make some money. Most incidents he would take the money and run as fast as his feet could carry him. But today he was willing to work hard, put his work on display for this so called 'hot shot' attorney in an effort to move this situation forward and it not stall.

Little did he know he would have to endure 2 hours of me taking about the entire situation. Two days later, and looking back, I am sure he was done listening to me after the first 10 minutes - but he entertained me none the less. I talked and pace so much I put Pyper to sleep. All the while he worked on the painted parts in his shop.

The number of incidents and details haunt me to this day, I tried to go over each and everyone of them with him. Why...because I need him to be sure that he believes I am doing the right thing. Because I don't want him to waste his time trying to sell his soul / work to the hot shot attorney without cause. Because I needed him to know - I whole heartily believe in this case; but I am afraid. And if he believes that this attorney will give me good direction, then I have to also believe.

My father is not a pest, is not one who makes phone calls - but he did for me; he called his friend who had direct contact to this attorney guy and pushed the urgent button. very unlike my father. My father pulled the 'friend card' and the basic you own me one card and was able to get some results.

In less than 24 hours I received another level of comfort regarding my EEOC case, from the attorney who is out of town or always unavailable. I was on one phone, and my father was on the other when the call came thru mid Sunday afternoon.

Just Saturday we were having shop talk - me pouring out my heart, concerns and questions. By Sunday 'we' were feeling whole again, and ready to go. Thank you does not seem like enough.

I know he sat thru me talking my head off for close to 2 hours. But just like home, his shop is very comforting to me. It puts me close to him. All we were missing was bob seger playing in the back round, beer and warm weather.

I have watched him from the back round jump through hoops for my brother, sister, niece, aunt and mother. I have said it before, you must pay really close attention to the small things my father does in order to recognize the impact that it will have in your life. He is not out to set you world on fire with big words, long conversation or exaggerated actions - he leaves that to my mother. None the less, he gets things done, always in his own time and his own way. Which is sometimes the best.


Nieces & Nephews and Kids...