If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything.

I hate the two year old stage....I don't remember it being this damn difficult with Rylan. Mind you Rylan was a difficult child - but Pyper is beyond difficult. What to do with this CHILD. I know my mom is convinced that I 'don't have any patience's' with this child. Even the most patient person would have been pushed to their limits by now. Pyper has two to three melt downs a day...one in the morning and possibly two in the evening. ANYTHING can set her off. Something as simple as let's put your shoes on, will set her off. And the FIT can last anywhere from 15 min to 45min. 45 minutes of a screaming child. OMG. This child screams and yells to the point that snot and drool begin draining out of her mouth. Then she proceeds to get down on the floor an bang her head. I figure the head banging is a way to let me know she is frustrated. Guess what ME Too. The last few days I have placed her in her crib during her fit. This was to save her from hurting

I am at work today- briefly. My mother-in-law passed away on Sunday. This experience will haunt me for the rest of my life. There seemed to be nothing peaceful about her last moments. She was a lovely lady who did not deserve to suffer, and from an outsider looking in she appeared to suffer. Basically she dehydrated to death. The sights and sounds were awful. I so desperately wanted god to take her quickly. A co-worker asked me today ' so, do you STILL believe in god?' I gave her a sideways glance. 'of course I do, now more than ever.' Her question is still with me....I am trying to occupy my time with gathering my work and tying up loose ends, but the question is there, staring me in the face. Why? Here is why.....I still believe there is a god. Because I can hear him(god) sing to me every time my kids breathe. Prior to going to bed, I will stand over my son, tell him good night, ask god to watch over him and listen to him breathe. I go through the same rou

I am beginning to question whether or not it is good to be the boss? In many aspects it is GOOD. I am an exempt employee and I am allowed a bit more flexibility than the non-exempt employees. However, the work-load and expectations that accompany the title tend to be excessive at times. Reasons why I would prefer to be a worker bee... - work day is limited to normal working hours. - I can make fun of the 'boss' in the ivory tower at the water cooler. - most people my age are in a worker bee position. - I would be eligible for OT. - if there is a mistake, it is not ultimately 'mine'. - less responsibility - less headache - I would not have to attend night meetings Reasons why it is good to be the boss.. - more money. - I can arrive late, and not have to have a reason. - expense account. - experience, new projects - able to negotiate the terms of my employment. 'Family first'. - I can attend my kids class room parties without a lot of hassle. I have been a &#

What is it about boys and boogers?? On any given day you can catch my son with his finger in his nose. I use to think that he was scratching his scar ( he is cleft and has scars on both sides of his nose), but now I am convinced he is digging for gold. Rylan sleeps in bunk-beds, he sleeps on the top bunk. The walls are green, a soft mute green, but green none the less. However the walls located next to Rylan's bed have a nice accent of crusty boogers. *WHAT? I go down to wake him up this morning to get ready for school, I flip the light on and gently shake him. As I shake him I scann the bed / wall, I notice these yellowish specks....upon further investigation I determine they are boogers. No one or two of them, a good handful; perhaps 9 to 10. GROSS. How could I have not seen them before?? Normally, I keep the lights off and yell from the top of the stairs for Rylan to get up. Not today, I decided to try something new. See what happens when I change my schedule...I am attacked by

I am officially changing my name to Suzie-Q. Anything other than mom. Or in my household it sounds something like Moooooom or mamamama or my favorite awa awa awa . I was hoping for a better week this week between Pyper and myself. No such luck. I had to leave last night around 6:30 for a night meeting, I have two night meetings a month - part of the deal with my job. Pyper knows when I get home and don't change into my sweats that something is up. She is was in true form last night. Our first 15 minutes at home were fine, then we switched into Terror mode. Nothing I did made her happy. She would stand at the fridge door and want it open, I would open it -she would cry. OMG . I would close the door - she would cry for it to be open. Once again, I would open it and stand there with her looking at the stuff. She would point aimlessly around the fridge not knowing what she wants. *actually I think she does know, she just wants me to guess. So I start pointing things out (using

Our weekend was filled with the usual emotional over-load. But in an effort to lighten the mood we packed up our little family and went to grants farm, in the evening. My son is 6 (Rylan), and our daughter Pyper (19 mths) were a bit thrown off kilter, who leaves for Grants farm at 7:30 pm? We do. Why? Because they have it decked out for Halloween, and it will be fun. *I am demanding that it be FUN. I must admit when we got started, I began to regret even suggesting we go. On the way there the kids fell asleep - not a good sign. We arrive and wait in line. Which was a bit surprising, I thought we would be the only people there on a Friday night. Nope, other people had the same idea. I am sure it was the entertainment and free beer - that was our draw. (note - it is not free to park, but well worth it). So we arrive and my son is a bit nervous, he asked ' are we REALLY going to ride the train the dark?' Me- 'yeah, it will be fun'. He was thrilled, it was totally kid appro

Okay so Pyper has been pretty standard this week. She bangs her head on the floor every morning about something and gets angry over at least one thing each day. Standard. You can bet on it. She even has a brusie on her forehead from banging it. Last night I lay in bed with Lance giggling about our kids. Why? Because for the life of me, I just cannot believe that god felt it necessary for Lance and I to reproduce. I mean we really are 'winging it'. I find it hard to dicipline my children without laughing, I find them so interesting and entertaining; plus I often find myself wondering 'how do you know that??' They know SO much. I am sure I had nothing to do with it. So this morning Rylan is dilly-dallying along. This is typical. He is great child, but he does dilly. I tell him to get moving and he cramps down on the ground as if something hurts. I look cockeyed him and ask 'are you okay'. He looks at me with a straight face and says ' my toes hurt.' Instan

This morning warrants a post. My whole family is reeling from emotional exhaustion and constant running. We are a product of ALWAYS on the go. Even when we are home, we seem to be on the go. How. Easy. Even when I am home, I need to go a million, frillion places. Even if those places are multiple rooms within my home. The only thing my children want from me, is a moment. A moment of holding, snuggling and loving. I 'try' to accommodate both, I am afraid I fail most times. If I am sitting on the couch loving my children, then my laundry continues to lie on the bed and will not get put away. If I sit on the couch and tickle my children, then the dishes in the dishwasher will not get put away, nor will the soap-scum ring disappear from around my tub. *Aye. My daughter can sense the days when I really need to get moving. This was one of those days. I slept late, why because I am not sleeping well, and when I finally got to sleep, I had to get up. So I scoop up Pyper and head

This weekend was spent in usual fashion, we packed up and went to the country to see family. Friday night, I drop off my kids at my mom's house and decided to go dinner at a local restaurant . When we arrive, I 'think' I see my grandmother's car...so I peer thru the window, and there she sits with Charlie. We are headed to the patio, but I stop off inside to say hello. Brief hello's were exchanged, they were eating. I head out side and begin to order. Lance's brother and sister-in-law joined us. Dinner arrives, no big deal. We eat...then the conversation between lance and his brother becomes more than I can take. Every one keeps asking about all of the 'what if's ' and 'what do you think is going to happen' ....ugh. So I grab my glass of wine and go back inside to see my grandma, I figure she would be having a 'lighter' time. Immediately I am stalked by a few men in the bar. Apparently they have never seen a girl in a dress before

We continue to receive 'sad' news regarding Nancy, she is failing. It will be rather timely, I fear. So today during lunch I went to get Rylan some funeral appropriate clothes. I walked around the store, during my lunch hour, in a daze. I don't want to shop for an occasion like this. I don't want to buy dress clothes for my 6 yr old son, so he can sit in a parlor surrounded by sadness. I am afraid he will not understand. Plus, I feel G. ma Nancy would have rather enjoyed seeing Rylan all dressed up, he will be so handsome. It sure beats the last time she saw him (this past weekend), he was covered from head to two in DIRT. He spent ALL weekend playing in her front yard. He was so dirty, when you lifed his head you could see a ring a dirt on his neck, crusted between the wrinkles. Grandma Nancy, smiled when she saw the dirt. It ment he was enjoying himself at her home, and she loved that. She loved how everyone in her family would come by and stay awhile. She created an

I fear that the light at the end of the tunnel is not Nirvana - it is a Mack truck waiting to hit me. I keep hoping for peace and quite, and all I keep getting is chaos . This week we switched babysitters, this is day two. I have been waiting the extra 1/2 hour in the morning to see Rylan actually get on the bus. Then I have been leaving work 1 1/2 early to see Rylan get off the bus. I am trying to make him more comfortable with this new environment. But perhaps my efforts are actual re-enforcing that fact that he should be fearful. I am torn. I 'think' I am doing well, but perhaps I am hoovering? I have decided that tomorrow I will drop him off at normal time, and leave rather promptly . This will allow or force him to interact with the new environment. He is my 'tender' child, and he wears his emotions on his sleeve. You can very clearly see he is out of sorts. He does not deal with change well, he likes to keep things simple and predictable . Pyper on