Thursday, December 27, 2007
I am ALWAYS waiting...
Waiting for Pyper to stop screaming.
Waiting for the person in line to order and get the hell out of my way.
Waiting for my allegery med's to kick in - they are taking too damn long.
Waiting for New Years Eve - I will be here with my sister http://www.joedirt.net/tourdates.html
Waiting for Lance to pick me up for lunch because I am starving.........
Perhaps my next post will be Bitchy -
Bitchy because I can be.
Bitchy because my head hurts
Bitchy because I am at work and don't want to be.....
Or perhaps I should be less dramatic like - I am so thankful for....
on second thought no. I am sticking with waiting and bitchy today. Screw the sunshine and carebears. I will try for happy thoughts tomorrow.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Last night Rylan informs me that I need to mail the list to Santa today. So here I am at work, and no list. The damn thing is still posted on the fridge. Do you think I can tell Rylan that I am going to 'fax' the list to Santa? Or perhaps I can call the list in to Santa's hotline for 'good kids'? ugh.
Also last night I am looking thru Rylan's folder from school and I find a letter to Hannah Montana. Rylan sees me pull out the letter and I begin reading it out loud, Rylan turns red and semi-embarrassed. It reads something like this - Hello, Hannah Montana. I like you, and your music. When I grow up I want to be a rock star, maybe some day we could rock-out on stage. ha!!
I look across the kitchen to Lance who is placed at the sink, we smirk at each other and continue on about our business. Who knew Hannah was so popular? I kind of did, I have 6 nieces who LOVE her, and apparently the boys kind of dig her too.
So Santa if you can hear me, Rylan has been fairly good boy this year. He has been pleasure to watch grow up. Please send me your fax number so I can get this task taken care of.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Me - 'what no good morning, how are you, how'd you sleep?'
Son ' no, just counting down until Christmas'.
Me - 'great.'
I keep hoping that it is all a bad dream, that i really have 30 days left until Christmas. I am half-ass done, as usual. I am a last minute kind of girl - I like to stress out, bit every one's head off and get things done. I get in 'go' mode and kick the project out - I am viewing Christmas as a project. And between shopping and wrapping I could die.
So I was sorting thru my list and realized I forgot to get crap for the teachers, damn, the list keeps getting longer. So hubby informs me he too has some last minute stuff to get. So I asked 'which night this week are you going to go?'
Hubby ' I don't know'
Me ' OMG. You go Wed after work and I will go Thursday'.
A COSMO sounds really good right now.
Did I mention the lady who works for me has not been in the office for one full week in the last two months. I don't want to be the 'bitchy' boss, but we are only a team of two, I need her to be here and be productive. So she showed up today, coughing and hacking. I gave her the hairy eye-ball - you know the one that says ' if you make me sick, I will KILL you'.
I need her here, but I don't need her here if she is sick. I am in a bit of a situation at the moment.
On a brighter note I have taken 1/2 a day on Friday (to wrap while everyone is at work/school), and I am getting my hair cut tomorrow. Maybe a new hair cut will make me happy.
Side-barr * we are having the biggest loser contest at work, I have been wavering about signing up. So a co-worker called me and asked me to be on their team. They started out the call with ' don't take this personal, but are you signing up?' um. Believe it or not there is something personal about that phone call. I ended up signing up. I fear I will have to forgo Starbucks, it is prob best if I avoid all people.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Okay so I FINALLY got my tree up and it looks like a Charlie Brown Christmas tree. But, hey it is up and it has lights on it and a few hangie things. I normally wait until the last minute, because I am bothered by the fact that I even have to put one up at all. We are not HOME, why do I need a tree? We will be in the country.
I don't need a lot of emails telling me that I need one for the KIDS. I KNOW already. So now the kids will have a complete christmas, tree and all. Pyper broke 3 ordinaments last night and two tonight. She took off 4 candy canes, therefore everything had to be moved up higher. This task of moving items higher only fuled my point of ' why bother?'.
So this weekend we are planning to leave on Sat to head to the county. Saturday we are having a family affair. YEAH. It has been a long time since I have seen my family, and this will be my WHOLE family. I could not be more excited. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, family, friends, and perhaps even strangers - who cares. We are all getting together for the sake of getting together. We will hook up a radio, cook some food, and crank out the drinks. I smile just thinking about it. Our kids will be safe and happy. Who could ask for more?
Thanks santa for granting my wish....i needed to see them all.
Did I mention that my brother was going to make it also.....whoa!! He will be in from Arkansas. I am not singing any carols but I will participate in the egg nogg.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Rylan ' I am looking at the girls'.
So, one books is open and the other book has been marked a half naked girl. *UGH!!!
I tell him' you know these are adults books, for daddy only, and you have little boy books which you read.' *okay, I am grasping....welcome to winging it. I kiss him goodnight and move on.
I march up stairs, magazines in hand and drop them on Lance, who is laying on the couch. He gives me the 'what' look. I state ' YOUR son had these hid under his bed'.
Lance half smiles, almost proud. Lance 'did he say why?'
Me 'he said he was looking at the girls'.
Lance 'well, at least he was not looking at the boys.' ha. ha.
Me - 'you need to have a man to boy conversation with him. On an elementary level- nothing too detail. Plus you need to clean out your bathroom and throw these away.'
Lance crinkles his nose ' we will talk and I will clean the bathroom.' *For some reason I am not totally convinced that he will clean his bathroom. This child is 6 going on 7 - the interest in girls seems EARLY to me.
We do not watch adult TV at our house, our favorite channels are Disney, Nickelodeon and discovery. Dirty jobs, food network and dinosaurs. So is this typical or do I have a nympho on my hands? I called my mother and my sister today to inform them what happened. They seemed understanding and half giggled.
I called them because I have 6 nieces that range from 12 to 4. We see them on a regular basis (weekly) our kids bathe together, swim etc. I want them to know he is becoming 'interested', still innocent, so please don't take that away.
But he knows that boys and girls have different parts and now he wants to know more. UGH. It is not time for the sex conversation, but it is time to let the boys not necessary see the girls naked.
It was more of an awareness conversation. ugh.
So damn you FHM for stitting in our bathroom and peaking my son's interest. And damn society for shoving sex and interest down our throats.......
And damn me for being so naive that my son still had a few years. And damn my hubby for being proud that my son is not showing gay tendencies.
*Not that we thought he would, but it seems to have been my husbands worst fear, now he can rest easy.
Did I mention everyone in my home was up from 3:30 to 4:30 last night.
Will we ever get to sleep all night? Anyone wanna trade spots?
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
Every year I beg my husband to move us some place warm, breezy with a cabana boy and a drink with an umbrella. I would (in theory), get a tan, stay tone and enjoy going outside.
Instead he settles for me being pasty white, flabby (after two kids), and stirr-crazy between the walls of my work / home.
Normally I range between bitch and bitchier - I have layers :).
But in Winter, I am Miserable, so you can guess where that places everyone else.
I have thought about tanning during these bleak months, where the official color is gray. But given my Irish blood, tanning beds are my enemy..... I walk out with a red splotchy face, and burnt all over. I look like a walking candy cane, becuase you can see the lines from the tanning beds burnt into my skin. Not pretty.
Not much of a reprieve. So damn you winter for casting your gray clouds and sprinkling our roads and trees with ice. No fluffy snow here, just slick ice.
Did I mention that 99% of STL cannot drive in the ice/snow.
Someone save my frustrated soul.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Fact - I hear that the fastest way to get drunk is by funneling the stuff thru your butt.
You might want to stop there, today's post does not get much better.
Fact - As a child in grade school I could write with both hands, hence using both sides of my brain. I choose to be left handed (which might explain ALot about me).
Fact - I can touch my tounge to the bottom of my chin, but not the tip of my nose. um.
Fact - I can put my whole fist in my mouth (boredom can make you act like an idiot). The trick is getting it out.
Fact - I have one tatoo (big toe) and 6 piercings. 5 in my ears and one in my stomach.
Fact - last night Rylan asked if he could get his ears pierced. We acted as if we did not hear him.
Fact - I can hit a baseball with my left or right side (switch batter), but I cannot use right handed scissors.
Fact - my toe next to my big toe is my longest toe.
Thought - I think my son will be smarter than me by the time he is in the third grade.
Fact - I went to college to get a degree in dance and graduated with an Accounting degree. I could not leap with my left leg.
Fact - I have an Accounting degree and struggle to figure out a tip. My husband is scared!!
Fact - Starbucks is addicative and expensive.
Fact - I can pickup almost anything up with my toes. I 'think' if I had to I could eat with my toes. Chop Stix might pose a problem. Soup could be messy.
Fact - I am afraid of heights. I can barely drive over a bridge without freaking out.
Fact - I am stalling so I don't have to finish my work. ;)
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Back in November one of my friends had a wedding reception and it was the first time in YEARS that all of my college roommates had gotten together.
In college I lived in a house with 4 other girls, we were a collection mismatched personalities that on an off day seemed to work well.
In the house we had Laurie the tall blond from West Co, Phoong the Asian from GA, Tina the Mexican from TX, Me the farm girl from MO, and Trisha the flat lander from IL. These girls are so much more than being blond, Asian and Mexican, but if you saw us walking down the street or shopping in the grocery store together you saw a melting pot of personalities.
The college we went to did not have frats , so the house was the closest experience we had to being in a soirety. We had to petition for our house, and we named it the 'community service house' * I know how gay. Our house was surrounded by the jocks, the art house, and the dance house. We attended a liberal arts school, so dance and drama were part of the package. In our petition we stated we would do several community service oriented task through out the year, and for the life of me I cannot remember performing one such task. My mind is filled with parties, sleeping in, couch jumping and Jerry Springer.
To live in a house on campus was something to experience. We all lived together for one year......that house holds so many wonderful memories for me. We had our fights and internal squabbles, how could we not....we had boyfriends, siblings, friends and family funnel in and out on a regular basis. Our house was dirty, our bathroom was disgusting, our fridge was normally bare, our clothes normally in a pile on the floor, and our books remained on the table until we HAD to open them. We would all bond over chicken soup (prepared by Phoong), drinks (box o'wine), and sad days influenced mostly by boyfriends.
Phoong was the most driven she slept with CNN blasting in the back round. Trisha the quirky one, we would bond over Prince and Jessies girl. Laurie the most neurotic and always fashionable (I am jealous). Tina the shopaholic (pack rat) and love blind. Me the flighty one, I tried to be driven, but would ditch a class to hang out with anyone interesting.
The experiences we had in that year have bonded us for life. Back in the house, one evening while drinking wine, a wager was made about who would get married first and last. Phoong and Tina fought over who would be last. At 18 or 19 I don't believe I really cared. But they held on to that notion 10 years later.
Tina got married this past May and Phoong got hitched this past Oct. And at sometime during each event one of them brought up that conversation. Phoong would state, 'I knew, I would be last'.
*Whatever, none of us knew. Who knew that we would all find love, have kids and actually be happy? Who knew that Laurie would have twins and stay home, Trisha would actually marry Thomas, I would marry Lance and it would be okay, Tina would let go, be strong, move away and find love in a person not named Mike and Phoong would find love with a guy with a personality? God has been good to us through out the years.
It is hard to imagine that we all contribute to society these days, we are wife's, parents and professionals. Aside from that we are still friends. Not best friends, but friends, and friends we can still count on should something arise. We don't see each other as often as we should, nor do we call. But in the nature of true friendship, we don't have too. Once we all get together we pick up right where we left off. We embrace each others shortcomings and support each others decisions, even if they aren't something we agree with.
I really enjoyed seeing everyone again, and thank god that he placed each of you in my life. Now we continue to add to our little circle, our husbands and kids help mold the people we are today. As life continues to hand us joy and disappointment, we will remain steadfast and friends.
Pyper expresses it best how I feel. I can be myself around you guys, and that makes me Happy.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Friday, November 30, 2007
I am not a football fan, never have been. The main reason is - I don't know all the rules and it drives me nuts. They spend more time throwing flags and calling 'calls' that make no sense too me. This is the same reason I protest soccer. In college I dated a soccer player and attended all of the games, froze my *arse off and never understood a damn thing (other than a goal). My son spent two years playing youth soccer, it was a blast to watch - but once again I did not understand all of the rules.
Now my son has taken a MAJOR interest in football (my husband is STOKED). We have purchaed the NFL package from our direct tv so they can bond over football. That is how Lance sold me on purchasing the package - it would be a good bonding experience. That would be true if Lance wasn't talking like a trucker at the TV. Plus my daughter has gotten caught up in the ordeal, she stands in front of the TV yelling as the ball flies in the air, she looks around the room looking for her dad and brothers approval. Everyone is bonding over football, but me. If you are our neightbor I am sure you can hear ' GO, GO!! Aw INTERCEPTED' at any given moment.
So in the spirit of family I have decided to 'attempt' to be come more interested. Therefore, in the spirit of competition (or just because I am a pain in the *arse), I have decided to root for the other team. It sooths my competative streak, and makes for a delightful evening in the DePew househould. Who knew that the angst of my existance would be the one event we would bond over - ode to football.
So last night Rylan's school sent home a note letting parents know that today would be black/gold day in honor of Mizzou. I make it home later than usual and Rylan cannot wait to show me what he is going to wear, his dads Mizzou jersey. I begin to protest - it swallows him. His face falls and Lance manages to throw me 'come on look'. I begin searching Rylan's closet for something else - I find a couple of other items, each idea is met with a immeidate 'no!'.
So this morning, my son went to school in an XL mens jersey for the sake of football. He looked silly,but did not care. I tried one last time, 'are you sure you don't want to wear this.'
he response, 'no, mom this is SWEET'.
*OMG. Fine, I think to myself.
I have not had enough coffee to fight this fight. Our saturday night will be filled with popcorn, football and family. I am thrilled. I can place my PMS butt on the couch, eat, drink and be surrounded by the people I love the most. God must be smiling.
As for tonight, I think I am going to go out with my sister. Whom I miss dearly. I went to see her on Wed, for her birthday, and to my surprise she was blonde. Or some werid version of blonde, it is a bit bright with a tone of orange. A clear reason why 'we' should not bleach our hair at home or out of complete boredom. I cannot wait to see what it looks like under the black bar lights - that should be fun at her expense.
Food, fun, family and football. A day in the life of the DePew's.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
I got side-tracked. Last night Lance was REALLY serious, and talking. Both aspects are not like him. He does not get serious about much of anything nor does he talk without being prompted. He was serious about work, more particularly his new job. Apparently with this new job is going come new responsibilities -duh!
He commented ' I just want to work Michelle, not do the paperwork too'.
My response ' too damn bad, welcome to growing up'.
Lance he looks at me his face all crooked - 'I don't mind being grown-up, but I don't want to responsibility'.
Me - ' then slack off. Do sloppy work and don't be reliable. If you don't want more work then stop working so hard.'
Lance - ' you know I cannot do that'.
Me -'Yeah, I know. So you are stuck. Suck it up and move on. Besides even if you had someone else do the paperwork you would review it. So why not just do it and not waste your time.'
Lance - 'yeah, I know.' End of our serious conversation.
We moved on to dinner, all of us are sitting around the table, and Pyper is actually sitting in her seat and eating her plate. Why is this unusual? Because, she sits next to me and normally ends up in my lap eating off her and my plate. Two days ago I refused to let her sit with me. I kept telling her ' Pyper has her own seat with her own plate.' Then I would pat the chair and motion her to sit down. She walked around the table asking everyone to pick her up. We all refused. By day two, we had a successful dinner. So I look across the table at Lance and prompt him to look at her, I have a smirk that says' LOOK'. Lance responds with ' I want another child'.
I choke on my food. Before I can cough out 'WHAT?' I can tell by the look on his face he is NOT kidding. I look at him, look around our table and say ' don't you think the gang is all here?'
He says 'no'. My mind is racing - OMG, No, this is not happening. Me ' Lance, we are almost in a position to have some resemblance of a life back, Pyper is almost 2 and Rylan is almost 7, do you REALLY want another baby?' I see him having an internal struggle - he is trying to figure out how to convince me this is a good thing. Then I continue ' we would have three kids in care, plus where would we put another kid, all of the rooms are taken.' Lance - 'you would have work harder, and we would have to move'. I 'think' he misses having a baby in the house. Not me. He loves pregnant women (esp me). I HATE to be preg. The thought of me walking (waddling) around with a child makes his eyes shine. It makes me want to gauge my eye-balls out. I tell him to think on it, and we can talk more later.
So whatever aliens have taken over my husbands brain, if you could send back my REAL husband, I would appreciate it. I prefer the quite non-talking one, becuase lately when he talks, he actually making sense and trying to be reasonable. *Note to the mothership - take my mother instead, send her back normal. ha!!! I could not resist that one. Peace out.
PS - Happy offical Bday to my sister. She kissed her 20's goodbye and is now offically 30!! I love you.
Monday, November 26, 2007
So this one will be a long on, due to the 4 days that I need to catch up on.
Wed I leave work early and go to get my eyebrows waxed and go shopping. I walk out of the salon with little to no eyebrows, WTF? Mind you I had eyebrows when I arrived and now I look like those old ladies that must pencil them in. OMG. Thanks lady. Shopping was not successful, it was rather boring and I prob should have just stayed at work and not burned the hour of vacation time.
I get home and we decide we are not going to the country until Thur morning, then an hour later we decide to actually pack up and head down to the country. You would think we were bi-polar, who's leading who? So we pack up coolers with food, suitcases, coats, gloves, etc. We packed up 1/2 the house. The plan was to stay with his father for Wed night only, and then spend the rest of the weekend at my mothers house. We never left his fathers house. The gist, I never saw my family. *uck. (rhymes with Duck).
So Wed night I we get in around 7:30 and discover we HAVE to go to the grocery store, because we forgot stuff and grandpa did not have any milk or staples for us. Prior to leaving I started my cranberry sauce and upon starting it I realized I needed OJ. So I stopped and left the 1/2 prepared dish on the stove. During my absence Lance decided to take it upon himself to 'help' me by prepping the sauce. I arrived with OJ and started to complete my dish only to discover he had basically completed it for me. He made the comment you need oranges not OJ - I spat 'the directions clearly state 1/4 cup of OJ'. He raised his voice back 'they mean fresh squeezed OJ'. I twirl around ' If they wanted fresh OJ they would have said so'. He continued ' just like you to take short cuts'. This sent me into a rage. I called him a food Nazi (which he is), he accused me of not caring (which is true), end result - I took the whole pan of prepped sauce and threw it away. Cursing at him the whole time. Grandpa just sat at the table in the middle of us, half enjoying himself. I should have known then I it was going to be a LONG weekend. (*uck rhymes with duck).
Wed night more people end up showing up to stay the night at grandpas - a family of 5, actually. This means cramped bed space and tired kids. Pyper slept in the double bed with Lance and I, she dug her feet in to him while she tied knots in my hair. Damn kid, go to sleep. If Lance was not cursing her, I was. Then in true form she was up at 5am - OMG. And thus, thanksgiving began. There is not enough alochol in the world to cure this day.... Lance got up and began prepping his 20lb turkey and two ducks. He massages them with butter and herbs, in a manner that would make my grandmother squirm. Eww, i thought to myself. My thoughts were short lived as Pyper began squalling about something. I made cheesey green beans, and called it a morning. By 2pm, I had recruited my two nieces into helping me make an apple pie. The only I had to do was show up and read the directions - not bad! Lance had the turkey in one of grandpa's ovens and then tracked up to his brothers to put in the two ducks. Nothing like cooking in two places to make a man crazy. He left clear instructions on how often to check the turkey and what to do. He knew better than to tell me anything so he entrusted his step-brother. *wise move. Prior to his departure, I informed him ' you owe me an apology from you last night' . He smirked and closed the door. *uck (rhymes with duck).
We by 4:30 everyone had arrived and we all ate and attempted to be merry. The bottle of pre-mixed white Russian was my friend. Dunke.
Friday arrived bright and early as usual - Pyper was up and screaming for all to hear. What to do with this child of almost two. Lance and I had decided we would leave tomorrow and go home around 2pm - in enough time for him to get home for the Mizzou football game. Whatever, I decided I would go out with my sister and finally get to see some of MY family. Friday around 11pm I get dressed, grab my 18 yr old niece, my 2 yr old daughter and head out shopping. Why, because I was stirr crazy. We found a few good deals and made it home by 3pm. Callie decided she would keep our kids Fri night so Lance and i could go out. Around 4:30 I get out of the shower to find Rylan asleep on the couch - dead asleep. Pyper pooped out around 5pm. Lance called from his brothers and I told him to ask Callie to come down to keep the kids rather than me taking them up there - because they were alseep. She refused. Therefore I spent my Friday night watching SciFi with Grandpa and listening to Lance snore. Score for me - *uck ( Rhymes with Duck). I REALLY wanted to go out. As a side note Scifi is creepy.
Saturday - Ahh, this is the day I am 'suppose' to be leaving. I get up and transform into Cinderella. I cleaned Grandpa's house top to bottom - 2 full bathrooms, three bedrooms, a office, kitchen, living room etc. This includes changing bedsheets, pillow cases, cleaning the fridge etc. Clearly things 'men' do not think to do. Around noon I look at Lance and inquire as to when we might be leaving. He shifts his body weight from side to side - I really would like not to have to watch the game alone. This is code for can we stay ANOTHER night? His brother was within earshot and piped in 'Yeah, why don't you stay we an BBQ, drink and hang out'. The hopes of seeing my sister vanish as quickly as they arrived. *uck (rhymes with Duck) 'Fine', I spat 'but I am going out tonight, so the kids can watch the game with you'. I make a few calls and decided to meet up with my sister-in-law around 7:30 pm . (my brother did not make it in town he was in AK working). I begin getting ready around 6:30 and Lance starts in ' Aren't you going to put Pyper to sleep before you go?'
Lance 'Oh, what am I suppose to do?'
Me ' you are suppose to do the same damn thing I would do, when she is tired put her to bed.'
Lance 'Why are you leaving so early'?
Me 'because I need to get away'.
Lance ' Yeah, the house is a bit more calm when you are gone'.
Me ' Do ya think!. I have PMS, have dedicated my entire weekend to your family and a trying 2 yr old, and you have been a prick. Thanks for noticing.'
And by 7:20 I was out the door. Ready to be away. I stayed out until 1pm had a fairly good time, ran into people I had not seen in years and met people who knew me, but I did not know them. Apparently my dad, the school teacher keeps his class apprised of his kids and their shenanigans. Plus my mom does 'everyone's taxes, so I was either Mr. Bates daughter or the Tax lady's daughter. Not to mention that I drank Grey Goose and cranberry juice for the rate of a rail drink, apparently the bartender did not know that Grey Goose is a premium liquor. Ahh. I get back to my father-in-laws around 1am only to find a counter full of food and crap. These lazy men did not bother to pick up their mess. So, I wrap up the chicken, shells in cheese, chips, dip, beer etc and clean the counter. SLOBS. Then I grab a quick shower - I stink like smoke, and by 1:3o am I crawl into bed. Pyper stirrs as I slide her over.
I am glad thanksgiving is over. I have alot to be thankful for, I just wish I could remember what it was.
Bummer - I went to workout today and I gained 4lbs *uck!!!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
We will be spending the holiday with Lance's family - his dad and extended family, because Nancy just passed and his dad really needs the support. Normally we travel to Lance's house and then end up at my mothers house - a two family holiday, just the way I like it. On a normal thanksgiving my mother dressed up in some 'period' dress and begins preparing the feast. Her house is frantic and hectic trying to prepare the turkey, ham, side dishes etc for her family of 30 to 40 to arrive in spurts. My sister arrives with her kids in tow, my cousins arrive with their kids, my aunts, grandparents etc. One big dysfunctional family under one roof - it is calming to my soul. Not this year. My sister is staying home hosting her 'own' Thanksgiving, my mother was going out of town and my brother is too far away to make the trip. Our tradition is falling apart, and I am surprised at how it is effecting me. I love lance's family, but really wanted to see my own. these last few months have been really hard on my family and me - watching Nancy pass.
So the thought occurred to me - how do I deal with this...shopping, perhaps? Not Christmas shopping, retail therapy, for me. Perhaps a pair of shoes or a new shirt will make me feel better - guilty pleasure. Every other day I get starbucks - and at times that is the highlight of my day. I pack my lunch so i can spend $4.00 on coffee - a coffee I will drink ALL day long. I savor the over-priced coffee, I drink it piping hot and cold. I attend my meeting at noon with my coffee cup in tow. I don't feel I am coffee snob per say, but I have fallen for 'good' coffee. Coffee, wine and chocolate - sooth my soul. Shopping at times makes my head spin, and perhaps I will be disappointed with my goal to shop today, or I may wonder around, glad to be a stranger in the crowd.
I don't want to think about the madness or the work on my desk...I don't want to be a mom, a boss, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a aunt, cousin etc, a stranger in the crowd for an hour or two would be good for my soul. Perhaps I will sit on a bench and people watch, and count my many blessings. Perhaps I will take time to thank god and attempt to feed my soul.
I miss my family and i want some resemblance of it all back - aunts, uncles, mom, dad, sister, brothers, babies, grandparents all gathered around the table glad to see each other once again. A house where good conversation flows, kids play, music in the background, women in the kitchen drinks in hand, men out side around the fire (drinks in hand), and you can feel the warmth and love the moment you walk in the door. I need the warmth and love to surround me....
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
When we get home tomorrow night we will being our ritual of packing - this ritual causes my head to spin and angry words to shoot out of my mouth at any given moment. This ritual causes me to HATE everyone and everything. So perhaps I will try to get a bit of packing done tonight in an effort to ward off 'angry' mom syndrome. Lance in typical Lance fashion has offered to cook/prepare the Turkey. We picked up a 20lb turkey and scanned (our) his cook books for the 'right' ingredients. He decided to brine the turkey (what ever that means). I would have settled for dialing Dierburgs and just picking one up to feed 23 people. He will hear nothing of it. While shopping for the turkey he decided he wanted to try his hand at cooking ducks. I shot him the 'what' look. YUCk. I give him the *I don't like that face. He continues to ignore me, and picks up 2 frozen ducks. quack!
So last night I have a meeting (6:30pm until 11pm) - and on the way to work lance calls me and tells me to scann the food network for a few ways to cook up duck. Once again I let him know I am not happy with the whole duck adventure. He does not care - get on line and bring some options home. So here is our list of items to bring for dinner.... 20lb turkey, 2 ducks, 1 apple pie (which I am making), greenbeans ( I am also making), cranberry sauce ( I am also making). So my car will be packed with two kids, luggage, and food. OMG. Then we will need to arrive in enough time to prepare and cook the food. I see disaster written all over this one.
If you see us on the news it maybe something similar to ' Husband stuffs wife's head in turkey cavity (butt) in order to SHUT her up and regain control of the kitchen'.
Have you ever seen Gordon Ramsey - the cook (Hells Kitchen, the F factor etc). Lance runs his kitchen much like that...I am a tad bit stubborn (*just a tad), I fear conflict. And why on gods green earth am I too prepare anything? Punishment? I have never cooked a pie - not a real pie. Frozen yes, but not from scratch. The only thing I do from scratch is scratch my butt - ha!!
Plus the cranberry sauce will be from scratch - OMG. My head is already spinning from the idea of too many pans on the stove and no idea what to do.
Lance is ready for the holiday and really looking forward to it, it is all right up his alley.
*A trip down memory lane. Several years ago -prekids, Lance and tried our hand at cooking a thanksgiving dinner. It was just the two of us and we were still in dating mode. You know when we still REALLY like each other. We had recipes for everything. Sage turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy from scratch, wine and beer. Needless to say the whole ordeal took at least 4 hour to prepare. Prepping the turkey, pealing potatoes, etc. During the 4 hours we spent our time drinking and preparing, by the time we were done with dinner we were too smashed to even enjoy it. We laughed so hard at ourselves and the feast we had prepared and not even enjoyed. We knocked on a few doors and shared it with our neighbors - who thought we were crazy and or drunk. I will forever cherish that thanksgiving. Praying for good times, good converstaion and safe travels.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Friday night Lance and I went out with his boss and his wife. *the wife also baby sits my kids. This was our first time hanging out. It turned out to be fine. Lance had too much to drink and felt like CRAP on Saturday.
Saturday we all slept in and lounged around in our PJ's until we had to get out of them. I left dirty dishes in my sink and did no do one load of laundry - it really was a wasted day, but a good day. At 1:30, lance and rylan went to get hair cuts - we had a 3:30 family photo and Christmas cards. We have not had a family photo since Rylan was 6mths old - we really needed one. While they are gone, I shower and put Pyper in the tub. It will take me at least 2 hrs to get all of us ready. Rylan returns and he has cut off his mo-hawk, he is MAD. 'Now I look like everyone else' he spat at me. I am so proud of him for getting it cut off for our photo. But then part of me is sad, I am saddened to think how I made him conform. I begin to feel guilty for not letting him be an individual with individual fashion and taste. I promise him that if he does not like his new hair he can grow his mo-hawk back. As a side note, I secretly miss it. His photo's turned out WONDERFUL, he looks so big and so grown up. Where did my son go? I am losing a small piece of him everyday. He wore a tie and dress pants, who knew he could clean up so well.
The photo session was over-booked, t'is the season. We waited 40 minutes past our scheduled time. Not good when you are dealing with a smoker (Lance) and a 2 yr old. I am not sure who drove me more NUTS. Once it was finally our turn, the lady took crappy photo's. She didn't work with us and I was utterly disappointed. The goal was very clear - one family photo, and a Christmas card of the kids. The lady (19 or so), had us sitting on the floor for our family photo. ugh. She maybe took 6 shots and only showed us 2 of them - where did the other ones go? She told me they deleted them prior to showing them to us. UGH. Once we were rushed thru our session we had to wait another 20 minutes in order to view them and place our order. kill me now. I send Lance to the car with the kids - he smokes and the kids pop in a DVD. Everyone is happy, I think. I place my order and cringe at the fact that I forked over money for crappy photo's. But then again, I may never get my family dressed up and together again in the near future. We leave the studio and head to pick up Lance's truck - it needed some unexpected repairs. The repair was to the tune of $1,200, I about died.. Right before Christmas and personal property tax time. OMG. Anyway, it is now close to 5:30pm. We pull up to the repair shop, they closed at 5pm. Lance is ANGRY. Not at anyone particular, just angry. He leaves for work at the *arse crack of down (5am) and now what is he going to to do? I try to talk it over with him, it is like speaking to a wall. We then drive the kids to my sisters (my mother is there), the kids will go visit their cousins for a few hours. Lance and I decide to take in a movie. Lance is hung over and now cranky over his truck. I fear we should have just stayed home. But then again, the last movie I saw at the theatre was Nemo, I really want to go without kids. So we go, and decided on a movie I have never heard of. We get tickets and walk over to TGIF and try to kill an hour. We order and Lance orders tea, I glance over at him ' still not feeling well?'. He snarls 'No.'. I could have stayed home and been comfy, and not put myself thru this.
We see the movie and go get our kids - everyone home, safe and sound by 11:30. Only to discover Pyper has a terrible diaper rash - teeth perhaps? Poor kid.
We have a typical Sunday - I pack up the kids head to church (where I have not been since Aug), lance stays home to tend to his yard. It was nice to be back at church, I have missed it. Rylan enjoyed the kids part and Pyper even did good. God must be smiling :).
A weekend that was a normal and uneventful as we had hoped for. We so miss those weekends. Thanksgiving will be CRAZY...hopefully we can come back Sat night and have Sunday at home. Have safe travels and a good thanksgiving.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
1) How was your day. 2) What was for lunch. 3) Who did you play with? 4) Did you get to go outside. I ask these questions, because it helps me feel intact with my sassy 6 yr old. His answers are pretty standard: answer to question 1) fine 2) I forgot 3) Morgan, Ben, big Taylor and little Taylor 4) yes.
Well, last night was a bit different. His day was - Great! (um). * he uses one word answers like his dad. He had a burrito for lunch, and suggested we try them for dinner sometime. He played with Morgan, Ben, big Taylor, little Taylor and Timmy- and Timmy is weird (see face squinting and eyes rolling). No, they did not go outside, but he did play in the gym, it was free time.
Me - Timmy is weird (notice the hair on my back standing up, I HATE mean kids). What makes him weird?
Rylan - Well he talks funny and his eyes are weird (once again eyes rolling around inside his head).
Me - Do YOU call Timmy weird to his face or make fun of him?
Rylan - he spits 'No.'
Me - Do your friends make fun of Timmy? Because you know it is not nice to be mean to people, because the look different. If it had not been for Dr. Kane you too would look really different. You know your cleft made you look and sound different. * see story ://www.cleftadvocate.org/FF0302Rylan.html
Rylan - No mom, I did not make fun of him.
Lance is in the background, giving me the *he is only 6 yrs old, don't give him the grow-up talk. So stop now.
I take a deep breath, run thru the conversation in my mind and decided to state on last thing.
Me - Rylan, you really should ask Timmy to play and encourage other kids to be 'nice' to him. You remember when the kids made fun of your hair (he has a mo-hawk), and how bad that made you feel. We don't want Timmy to feel bad when he goes home at night.
Rylan- (you can see him thinking it over). yeah, okay mom.
Oh.....nothing gets me more worked up than kids being mean. And I know that kids are mean in school. But as a parent I don't have to accept it, nor encourage it. My heartbreaks for my son when he comes home and tells stories of kids not playing with him on the playground. Or not picking him for their team. I let him know that sometimes we are not always first or the best, but we must try our best regardless and still play.
We thank god everyday for Rylan and his progress. He really has come a long way - thanks to our team of doctors. Had he been born 20 yrs ago, he would be weird Rylan. I refuse to have him treat people in a manner in which he would not want to be treated. Teaching manners, gentlemen behavior and sensitivity are part of my duties as a mom. I refuse to fail in this area.
A Pyper girl update. We are doing SO much better, now that we have been home and kept a normal schedule. It is nice to have her back!! She is a pistol, she has started singing - or wailing, however you categorize a 2 yr old finding her voice and liking the sound. ha!
This morning, she had her diaper off, and went to potty to pee. she missed the potty and peed on the floor and all over her legs, but gets an E for effort.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
So over the weekend, we were once again the country and I was at my mom's house, surrounded by Halloween decorations. It looked like someone threw up and all that came out were Halloween decorations. My mother had a couple of blow up, animated things in her front yard, things on her windows, crafts around her house etc. Mind you, my mother does not have any neighbors, nor does she get trick-or-treaters. So this is 'madness' is for her pleasure. On occasion her 6 grandchild do visit and enjoy the animation. But for the most part, the stuff is just for her, my father and my 12 yr old niece. Not much of an audience.
I did not get the 'holiday' gene. I think most of them suck, and require too much effort. So over the weekend, my mother was commenting on how she needed to remove her Halloween stuff and begin putting up her X-mas stuff. I scoffed at her ' are YOU kidding me'.
She looked at me, in her ever so typical motherly fashion and stated ' you never have been a big holiday child.' I glanced at her and smirked - then the thought occurred to me. um. I guess I never gave it much thought, but apparently I have always been this way. *Therefore having kids did not ruin it for me, it just re-enforced the fact that I really DO hate the madness that surrounds most holidays.
Perhaps I would enjoy it more if it was not being CRAMMED down my throat at every turn. The lights, the ornaments, the gifts, the wish list - all tend to begin in October. OMG.
Not to mention the list of people we need to buy for, suddenly gets longer each year.
For example, my sisters old neighbors use to buy us, and my kids a gift. Are you kidding me, I am NOT your neighbor. So hence, I felt obligated to return 'holiday' gesture. I hate feeling pressured. Holidays should be less stressful, require less money and more happiness. So why do we get so 'jazzed' about it all? My mom even wears a Ms. Claus costume she had made - every Christmas, she wears this red min-dress trimmed with white trim and trots around like Mrs. Claus. She really does adore the holidays. Me - not so much. Our holidays are filled with running around, travel, sleepless nights, and then travel back home with a car full of cranky kids and too much stuff. Perhaps if we got to stay home, and begin our own tradition i would enjoy it more.
Have you ever tried to pack x-mas presents, take them to the country in order for Santa to hand them out? Near impossible with a 6 year old....Then you have to make the decision - how many presents to bring? Because you have to leave some at home, so Santa knows where 'we' REALLY live. Yeap, that is right, we leave presents at home under the tree right before we leave. We get packed up, and then Lance runs back into the house (acts like he is going potty), and places all of the gifts under the tree for our return 3 days later. OMG.
A tree - that is another thing that just gets me. WHY do I have to put a tree up? We don't even stay home. We never get to enjoy the damn thing, so I put it up to take it down. It seems like a real waste of my time. I did it last year, and the only joy I found in the whole process was watching my son take the lead. I do it all for him and his sister. But I find little to no joy in the whole process. I try not to spend alot of money - why should Christmas make us broke. My kids do not do without all year, so Christmas does not need to be over the top. I refuse to charge stuff for the sake of making their holiday 'wish' come true. So there will not be a PSIII or WII under the tree this year, we will wait for it all to go on sale/clearance. duh.
Lance on the other hand, remembers holidays where he had MOUNTAINS of gifts; scof. He loves the holidays and attempts to make the outside of our home look like the griswals - I cringe just thinking about it. Here is the gist - keep your Christmas music until the week before. If you play it in Oct / Nov, I will shop on line. As far as shopping goes, 3 gifts per child, 2 for the husband a couple of gift cards and I will be done. I refuse to be NUTS this season. I would rather have quality time than a large quantity of crap gifts. So call me a Santa hater, but your rose colored glasses would be gray if you continued to try to keep up with the Jones.
Friday, November 9, 2007
I was able to get a few good photo's at my sisters party.
We are hoping for a nice slow weekend - keeping our fingers crossed.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Friday night we had a reception at the Bevo Mill to attend. It was dress-up night at our household.
I (in true girl) had two dresses picked out. I ordered one, and while I was picking up the gift that afternoon I grabbed the second one. Lance liked the one I ordered from (VS) and I liked the one I grabbed off the rack. Lance said the one off the rack looked like a pregnancy dress. It did flow a bit. I left the house in the flowly dress and went to pick up my mom. My mother, also in true girl form had 6 dresses in which to choose from. So when I arrived to pick her up - she changed and so did I. ha! Neurotic, I know. Morale of the story two new dresses I now have to return. I arrive outside to get in the car with Lance and he just shakes his head. He is use to dealing with me. ;)
The Bevo Mill was a 'fine' time. I wore terrible shoes, they looked good, but sucked. As most shoes do. I tried to drink myself into being comfortable. I figured that was a more reasonable goal. The reception was an open bar, that was serving 'prickly pear and/or mango margaritas' as the themed drink. The pear drink sounds gross, but was rather good. So 5 drinks later and a 'light' dinner we decided to pack up and head home. We live in Jeff Co., which is a good drive from downtown (approx 30 minutes). Well it took us more like 45, because at 1am we were in the taco hell drive thru - duh. I drop my mom off and decide to take the 'long' way home, because the short cut would be too curvy - and perhaps not sit well with my drinks and tacos. This was a good move until I was stopped for a sobriety check. YEAP. I got caught up in a sobriety check - if that does not sober you up, nothing will. Lance was in the passinger seat laughing. If cops were not around I would have killed him. I had to do the 'follow my finger test'. I had to do the test twice - OMG. Lance said my heart was beating so fast, you could see it in my chest. OMG. I would tell you how it all went, but I don't remember - I was in auto mode. Ultimately the cop hands me back my license and tells me to have a good evening and not to drink and drive. I roll up my window and just sit there - I am paralyzed with fear (still). Lance says ' Michelle, put the car in drive and begin moving slowly. Michelle. MICHELLE.'
I put the car in drive and take off going 20mph - Lance once again ' Michelle, do the speed limit, before the pull you over again- ha!!!!'. So what could have a been a nice night, ended up with a total buzz-kill.
Moving on to Sat night. I spend the day preparing for my sisters surprise party at Helen's and try to get out of the house by 6:30pm. Once again, in true form, as I am heading out the door, I decide to change my shirt. Why, because you could see my back-fat in the other one. What I failed to realize was how fat my arms looked in the shirt I decided to wear. Lance and I bicker all the way to the party - why? Because I like to pick fights when I am stressed out and he humors me. We arrive at the party and several people are already there.....
Around 7:15 I get a call that she is 10 minutes away. So I make my way up to the door, so I can spy on her in the pking lot and run back and turn the lights off. You know to give her the whole Surprise package. As I am waiting for her to arrive, I must have looked like a 'stalker', because finally a bouncer said 'what are doing'?
I informed him, 'I have rented the party room in the back to surprise my sister for her 30th. When she arrives can you card her / stall her so I can tell everyone to shut-up'. The bouncer shakes his head in agreement. Not long after I spot her in the lot. I point her out to the bouncer and once again give him instructions - 'stall her'. I scatter back to the room, shh everyone and turn down the lights and WAIT. Finally the door opens and we all say 'surprise' and she looks normal. As in NOT surprised! WHAT. So I ask, 'why don't you look surprised?'
Misty says ' the bouncer stopped and said Happy 30th'.
Me - what?
Misty - 'I informed him it is NOT my birthday, that is not until the end of the month'.
Me - I could KILL him.
Hey bouncer dude - you screwed it UP! We planned this party for close to two months and you let the cat out of the bag at the front door. Just my luck!! You SUCK.
Misty and I move on - hugg/ hugg / kiss /kiss.
Her husband is in the corner with a carrot top wig on. Let the party begin.
So my parents are late - because my mother is ALWAYS late. I don't think she really wanted to be there, but she showed up anyway. Nothing worse than someone not wanting to be somewhere and showing up anyway. She let everyone know that she talked to that her mind was elsewhere. My father would have stayed all night, had he not felt obligated to leave with my mom. Family and friends showed up - it was really nice! Our family is not happy unless we put ourselves in a situation to have some drama. So my grandma from Florida came into town and came to the party. My grandma who lives in town also arrived with her 'now' boyfriend. Why is this a big deal. The Florida grandma is married to the 'here' grandma's ex-husband - in other words Florida grandma is my mothers step-mom. We do not encourage putting them in the same room. Luckily they were all adults, I think. I tried to keep a drink in my hand and attempt to acknowledge the situation even existed. I pulled Misty aside and pointed it, she replied ' I KNOW, what were you thinking?' Then we both did a shot and giggled. OMG.
As the night wore on, we all proceed to eat and drink. Once it came time to do the cake, I realized we did not grab candles. So I bummed 3 cigarettes from the closest smoker and placed them on the cake - improvise! I made some girly speech and let Misty puff the smokes - she does not smoke, so I am sure they made her sick!
Out of the corner of my eye I see someone puking outside, and Misty's husband doing a shot of 141. oh. Then we all move out to the dance floor - we almost get kicked out. Of course!
We only had the room until 11 - so at 11: 15 I am kicking people out of the room and helping to settle up the bill. Misty's husband is dancing - mind you he NEVER dances. Not good!
I grab him by the collar and proceed to go out side. We start playing 'lets get passed Michelle so I can go inside and dance'. I feel as if I am dealing with a teenage drunk. Not enjoyable. Misty shows up to get her husband - I pack up and go home. Mission accomplished.
Friday, November 2, 2007
I called her today and began crying - at first I called because I was 'mad' about something, then by the end of the call I was reasoning with the fact that I just missed her. I was not mad at all.
Things I remember growing up with her....
We are 2 yrs apart.
Me and my older brother would put her in the dryer at the laundery mat while my mom did clothes.
We would steal her favorite blanket, just to watch her cry. (then we would get in trouble).
We had to share a room/ bed for 12 plus years. We would fight over the middle of the bed. We would grind elbows until they were bruised rallying for that small space on the other side.
We would have food, perfume fights.
We would play dress up.
In jr high we really did not get along, once I was in HS we became better friends.
I got an old BMW, and she drove an old Camero - we were totally cool.
She could not run the heater, lights and radio at the same time. We were COLD.
We both were lifeguards at the pool for several years - she met her husband there. She would sit on the opposite side making eyes at him. Who knew.
She would drive around late at night with the nerd in town. That nerd is now an attorney - good choice in friends.
Trips to taco bell just for the hell of it.
Cruising, when it use to be cool.
Bad hair color, cuts and style.
Prom - she may date my Senior year.
Kids - she is the best mom I know. (4 kids later).
Wife - she has been married 10 years and going strong.
Date - I have taken her to several events as my date, she is the best damn date a girl could ask for.
Twins- we are not twins, but are always asked. I answer that I am the young pretty one -ha!
Camping, our family would go camping when we were kids. It was boring, thank god we had each other.
Family trips, every year we would pack up and trek cross country. The trips were long and boring. We would make faces at the truck drivers, play hang man, etc. She is a great travel buddie.
Parents - ours are CRAZY. We really need each other just to survive.
I miss you. Love Michelle
I have to get a wedding present, birthday present and a baby shower gift. T's the season. I am REALLY excited about tonight, my girlfriend from college got married in Oct in Mexico, and now she is having a reception tonight in town - at the Bevo Mill. A historic site in STL. Plus it is a cocktail party, so I get to get dressed up. I bought a new dress, I need to find pantyhose and shoes today. In order for DH to join me, he has to wear a shirt and tie - he is more of a jeans and Tshirt kind of guy. But I 'think' he will break down and dress up a bit. Plus my mother and sister are suppose to join us. It will be so nice to be surrounded by my friends and family for a happy occasion.
Tomorrow night is a surprise party for my sister. She is turning 30 at the end of this month, hence the surprise. This effort has been supported by her best friend, her husband and myself- we rented a party room at Helen's for 4 hours; this room will have beer and food. Plus ALOT of friends and family once again. This party will be a bit more relaxed. The downside - my sister does not handle surprises very well. But who cares!
The other downside - I will need to leave my kids with a babysitter for both events. UGH. I am having my 17 yr old niece come up to stay with us. I am hoping that by keeping them in their own environment they will remain happy and comfortable. Keeping our fingers crossed.
Only 6.5 hours to go before I get to go shopping ...later.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Pyper has two to three melt downs a day...one in the morning and possibly two in the evening. ANYTHING can set her off. Something as simple as let's put your shoes on, will set her off. And the FIT can last anywhere from 15 min to 45min. 45 minutes of a screaming child. OMG. This child screams and yells to the point that snot and drool begin draining out of her mouth. Then she proceeds to get down on the floor an bang her head. I figure the head banging is a way to let me know she is frustrated. Guess what ME Too. The last few days I have placed her in her crib during her fit. This was to save her from hurting herself. She looks like a monkey gone mad in the crib. She is all over the crib, flinging and flailing around. She holds the rail and jumps so high, I think fear she may fall out. I don't leave her....I sit on the stool next to the bed and speak to her. I tell her things such as ' it is okay to be mad' ; 'mommy loves you'; etc. Every minute or so I try to approach her to comfort her and she throws herself into the bottom of the bed, in an effort to get away. The moment i sit on the stool, she is back at the rail begging me not to leave her, and jumping around like a monkey on crack. I silently pray for patience and grace.
Once she will finally let me approach her, I scoop her up and hold her tight. I hug her close and talk gently to her. The other part of me wants to spank her for acting a fool. I don't spank her - I understand she is frustrated. So I hug her tightly and PRAY out loud.
These ordeals really send my emotions in a whirlwind. I am at a loss and feeling rather badly. Even if I sit and hold her, she gets frustrated for staying still. If I move around she gets frustrated because she is moving. WHAT TO DO? I am trying to find a way to be consistent, but I am not sure what I emotion I am fighting with her. Punishment and time out are not needed, she is having a melt-down, not being bad. I keep holding and talking to her in an effort to continue to re-assure her that things are okay. But I am not so sure things are okay. Am I missing something?
She does NOT act this way with anyone other than me. She is PO'd at me..how do I make it right, and still keep my sanity?
My options really are limited....I guess I could break down and buy a book with some suggestions. Apparently 'winging' it is not working for this child.
On top of it I have a sassy six year old. He is ALWAYS pushing his limits, talking back and not listening. I hear 'I don't like you' on a regular basis. I can tell him to get a shower and he will respond ' NO'. Guess what bubba - you don't get to tell me 'no'. I can handle 'hold on, or 'just a minute'. So last night his father spanked him. It is not normal for us to spank our children, Rylan has gotten two spankn's in his who 6 yrs - yesterday made # 2. It hurts my heart as much as it hurts Rylan's feelings.
So I have two disgruntle children, and no major plan of action. The plan is to love them, put them in bed and have a glass of wine. :)