Thursday, December 13, 2007

FHM and a 6 yr old.

Well as predicted, our ayre of confidence was diminished rather quickly. Damn, raising kids is HARD.

I had Christmas Party last night for an organization I belong to, and felt compelled to go - to network. It was a bunch of people 20+ yrs older than me, standing around telling stories about 1975 events. Clearly, I cannot contribute, I was born around then.

Needless to say, I surrounded by executives that look at me as the GenX(er) they read about in the magazines. I am sure they felt my clothes were a bit too loud and my appearance was not stifled by glasses and gray hair. A few asked me 'who's assistance are you?'

Me ' I work for XXXX and I am the Director of Finance'.

They respond with a flat 'oh....welcome.'.

I think to myself 'welcome' - duh dickhead, I have been attending these meetings for the last year and 1/2. Welcome to climbing up the invisible latter and feeling as if a gorilla is strapped to your back.

Anyway, I network some, because you NEVER know when you might need these people. I drink two glasses of wine and head home. I mean really, imagine a room full of 'typical' accountants. Two glasses of wine was not enough. Trust me.
I drive thru Clayton and thank god I don't have to drive these streets everyday. Once I am home, I get ready to settle into our routine. Bath, school work , dinner, reading, tv - bedtime. The kids have been bathed, school work has been completed - good job hubby. We have dinner, we read and Rylan wants to watch TV downstairs.

I rock the baby (she is a toddler) to sleep, and as I head down the stairs I hear Rylan shuffle around downstairs. As I approach he has that deer in the headlights look. I figure he was picking his nose or something. I place Pyper in her bed and tell Rylan to get into his bed and I will tuck him in. I bend down to pick something up, look over to my left and see two magazines under the bed. um. Rylan in the mean time has placed his head under his covers. I pull out the magazines and realize they are his fathers FHM magazines, the ones his dad keeps in his personal bathroom next to the man toilet. I curse silently under my breath.

Me ' Rylan did you put these here?'

Rylan ' No'.

Me ' If YOU LIE to me, you will be in BIG trouble'. *mind you had soap in his mouth last night.

Rylan ' Yes, I am looking at them.'

Me' What are you looking at?'

Note: One page is open


Rylan ' I am looking at the girls'.

So, one books is open and the other book has been marked a half naked girl. *UGH!!!

I tell him' you know these are adults books, for daddy only, and you have little boy books which you read.' *okay, I am grasping....welcome to winging it. I kiss him goodnight and move on.

I march up stairs, magazines in hand and drop them on Lance, who is laying on the couch. He gives me the 'what' look. I state ' YOUR son had these hid under his bed'.

Lance half smiles, almost proud. Lance 'did he say why?'

Me 'he said he was looking at the girls'.

Lance 'well, at least he was not looking at the boys.' ha. ha.

Me - 'you need to have a man to boy conversation with him. On an elementary level- nothing too detail. Plus you need to clean out your bathroom and throw these away.'

Lance crinkles his nose ' we will talk and I will clean the bathroom.' *For some reason I am not totally convinced that he will clean his bathroom. This child is 6 going on 7 - the interest in girls seems EARLY to me.

We do not watch adult TV at our house, our favorite channels are Disney, Nickelodeon and discovery. Dirty jobs, food network and dinosaurs. So is this typical or do I have a nympho on my hands? I called my mother and my sister today to inform them what happened. They seemed understanding and half giggled.

I called them because I have 6 nieces that range from 12 to 4. We see them on a regular basis (weekly) our kids bathe together, swim etc. I want them to know he is becoming 'interested', still innocent, so please don't take that away.

But he knows that boys and girls have different parts and now he wants to know more. UGH. It is not time for the sex conversation, but it is time to let the boys not necessary see the girls naked.

It was more of an awareness conversation. ugh.

So damn you FHM for stitting in our bathroom and peaking my son's interest. And damn society for shoving sex and interest down our throats.......

And damn me for being so naive that my son still had a few years. And damn my hubby for being proud that my son is not showing gay tendencies.

*Not that we thought he would, but it seems to have been my husbands worst fear, now he can rest easy.

Did I mention everyone in my home was up from 3:30 to 4:30 last night.

Will we ever get to sleep all night? Anyone wanna trade spots?



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