Friday, November 21, 2008

All I ever wanted... VACATION

In my mind I keep replaying the go-go's song 'Vacation'
You know it, sing along 'vacation all I ever wanted, vacation HAVE to get away.'

We are leaving tomorrow for El Paso Texas, where it is 70 and sunny. We will be spending 6 nights and 7 days in Texas, visiting family. Hopefully we break away for a bit and actually just spend time, with our kids by ourselves.

We are planning a day or two in New Mexico as well, with a hotel and a pool. My kids should have a blast, and hopefully have fond memories of getting away. My son loves to visit Texas, we go every year to El Paso, and he has a great love for his Aunts and Uncles there. Pyper on the other hand, has been too little to remember any part of her trips to El Paso. She still maybe too little, but they will be amazed at how much she has grown since last year.

While brushing his teeth this morning, Rylan beams at me 'mom, aren't you just SO excited about going to Texas?'
Me ' sure buddy, by this time tomorrow we will be headed to the airport to get on our plane.'
Rylan 'wow, that sure is early.'
Me with a small laugh ' yeah, the earlier we leave STL, the earlier we get to Texas.'
That answer seems to satify him, and we move on about our morning.

We will need to be at the airport by 8(ish). We are taking Lance's dad with us on this trip. This will be our first trip with Lance's dad, and Pyper who will need her own seat. Lance's dad will need a wheelchair to get around, and Pyper may not sit still, or be quite for the trip. We will take it all in stride - a few drugs may help as well.

Work has been brutal this week. Too much going on to really go into right now. To say that I am frustrated would be an understatement. To say that this place is starting to effect me, would be an understatement. I almost welcome a pink slip, it has gotten so bad. I am puking after each meal from the stress, I am not sleeping from the stress. I will take this next week to re-group, work on my resume and network. Either he goes, or I go............
I had a phone interview this past Thursday, and a lunch meeting yesterday. Wheels are in motion for movement, but what a BAD time to start looking for a job. UGH.

I am getting off track, no more talk about work, stress or this damn place.
I am going on VACATION, my family deserves my undivided attention. I deserve the chance to get away, enjoy the sun and let go of it all of a bit.
I will be gone for a week, and prob will not post while I am gone. I will take lot's of photos and I am sure I will have alot of stories upon my return.

I guess if I was thinking ahead of time, I would have asked a few people to guest write for me.......maybe next time. This time I suck.

Have a great thanksgiving and hopefully you will get to spend it with your family and friends.

*I will not get to see my family, which is weird for me. Actually, it makes me sad. We are always together for the holidays. I know it is Lance's family, which is fine, but I will miss the comfortable atmosphere going home gives me. Tonight I am going to see my sister, and spend a little time before we depart for our week long trip. I am not even gone, and I already miss sitting around my parents table eating turkey.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Cadaver Bones??

Cadaver Bones?

Okay, so ever since Rylan has gotten his braces, I have known that a BIG surgery is looming. We are prepping him for a bone graph. The doctors are suppose to harvest bone from his hip and place it in his jaw line / palate in order to address his bi-lateral clefting. I have known this day was coming.

Lance and I fear that harvesting bone from his hip will halt our son's ability to play sports. Other than swimming (maybe). Not that I think my son will be a professional sports player, but I cannot imagine taking away his excitement of playing sports so early in life.
For gods sake he will only be 8 in March. If we harvest bone from his hip, football will be out of the questions, baseball, soccer etc. We have met several young teenage boys who are cleft and have had the bone graph, they indicate the stopped playing sports, and further they indicate that even the whether change seems bothersome at times. Cold damp nights, rain - all make them sore, and achy.
These stories make my heart race with fear, make my mind travel 1000 times faster than it should. I have visions of running away in the middle of the night with my son, so we don't have to show up for our scheduled surgery.

We will have our BIG surgery this coming summer. Yeap, that soon. I could puke just thinking about it. I have been praying for some other alternative, something else. I do know that technology has advances, and some doctors are trying a protein injection, rather than a bone graph. But our doctor is hesitant due to the fact that there is not enough research to really know the outcome of such an approach. I value our doctors opinion, and trust his judgement, so that is off the table, even as appealing as it may sound.

Lance and I look at each other while laying in bed, fretting over the fact that we may have to kill our son's dreams of being on an athletic team so early in life. It is heart wrenching, takes my breath away, and makes me tremble with fear. I have been praying for a sign, some other answer...

I got it the other day. I keep in touch with a wonderful lady, who's son is also cleft. She is military wife, her husband is a special opt's Marine. Our children are the same age, and she too has been looking for other options. She emailed me that she has meet a one young person who used a cadaver bone.

Praise god, that is it...that is my answer.

Is it that easy....perhaps not. I do know that we can be 100% sure that my son's own bone will make it a successful surgery, and that a cadaver bone may not. Is it worth the risk?

um. Crossroads #2.

What if the cadaver bone does not take, then he will be subject to another major surgery. In his young life he has had 3 major surgeries and 3 out-patient surgeries. God love him for being such a trooper, for not understanding it all fully, but trusting us 100%. Trusting his doctors, and knowing that even though he wakes up in pain and disoriented, it all seems to be worth it in the end.

Is a cadaver bone worth the risk.

Today my answer is yes.
This will not be the end of his surgeries, it continues to be just the tip of the iceberg.

Taking this journey with my son has been interesting, I have learned so much.
It has been terrifying, he is so young to have so much happen. And it has been inspirational - he truly is my hero.
Keep us in your prayers - it may not be until summer, but it already has us on pins and needles.
I keep this photo up in our home, along with his other photo's. His clefting was extreme at birth, as noted in the photo. He has overcome the odds, keeps breaking the doctor's notions of what he can and cannot do........looking at him today, you would never know how far he has come.
*There are days when I feel as if I am not strong enough to do be his mother, to be a vision of strength and support, when inside I am dying with fear. Behind closed doors, and in the dark, tears of fear stream down my face, along with the prays and hope that it will all be okay.
I am child of god, but I am only human. I trust that he will keep us safe, and watch over us. As I attend church this weekend, I was looking for support on another issue this was the theme ' keep faith in god. your trails and tribulations will make your faith stronger. Patients and perseverance - with our limited view. God has a plan, even if we don't get it.' My faith does not waiver, but it is hard to trust in the unknown. I am trying....and perhaps failing. My heart is heavy these days.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Pee-Wee Football (Superbowl Winners)

Getting T.O.U.G.H before the game. Rylan and I riding in back, getting tough. He has his game face on.
The game was a tough one, as a Superbowl should be......we played in St. Genevieve, and they had home field advantage.
We won the game 6 to 0, no one scored for the first 3 qtrs, it came down to the last quarter. We knew whomever would score first would win.
Lance as usual was a nervous ninny - he smoked close to two packs of cigarettes during the game. All the while me and his father sat in the bleachers cheering for our team. Grandpa would knock his cane on the metal bleachers when the team did well.
As we scored, and the time ran out a tear strolled down Grandpa's cheek and he stated 'Nancy would have lov'd this.'
*He is so right, Nancy luv'd football and baseball. Even on her healthiest day, you could find her in front of the TV catching her beloved Cardinals, watching Ice Skating or Mizzou Football. She would have been one of Rylan's greatest fans.
And she would have had one up on me, she prob would have understood all of the flags and calls.
I did good to know that Rylan played Offense. Other than that, I don't know much more about the game.
I am more proud than words can express. Not only because they won. That was a nice touch to the whole environment.
This season was such an esteem builder for my son. It was a character builder for my child who at birth was labeled 'failure to thrive', who doctors characterized as weak, abnormal, and special needs.
With each passing year, I let go of their labels and embrace the thriving child in front of my eyes. They set me up to believe that my child was doomed to fail from the start, luckily we never held on to notions they set in front of us. The labels are always in the back of my mind, never in the forefront - perhaps that is why we have proven them wrong. I am sure it has something to do with this child's drive, passion and disposition.
*His success is his to carry and wear like a badge of honor, I have been lucky enough to have been chosen to be his mother. He has taught me so much about life, kindness and labels.

However, I must admit - I prepared him that it was okay to lose. There can only be one winner. It is Good to be the Winner.
**Congrats to the Jefferson County Steelers****
The Superbowl Champions

Friday, November 7, 2008

Joke - NOT funny.

Here is glimpse into how dysfunctional we really are........

I have been feeling crappy since last Sunday. I mean really crappy - tired, cranky, sick to my stomach, feeling like I want to puke ALL the TIME. Any woman reading this knows these are clear signs are someone being pregnant. (OMG, I HATE that word).

After having Pyper I had an IUD put in, this thing is suppose to last for 5 yrs, and suppose to be 98% effective. I know, probably TMI, but come on, I don't want anymore kids. So this was my way of making sure I was 98% safe and sound. Because we all know dear ol' hubby won't do anything about it.....he was suppose to get snipped. Once again TMI.

Anyway, so my symptoms have not subsided. I looked at Lance last night and we talked it over and decided we should just take a damn test to be sure that I was not with child. *cringe*
The pit in the bottom of my stomach grows larger, just the possibility of it makes me break out in hives. However Lance, walks around with a boyish, sheepish grin - just thinking of the possibility. Two different schools of thought going on here.
Lance picks me up a test (actually a 2-pack) on his way home from Football. He is glowing with anticipation. I on the other hand still feel like puking!
I go to pee on the stick, with an audience. Mind you, I normally have Pyper in the bathroom anyway - but now I have Lance standing in the doorway peering in. I don't get stage fright, but give a girl some room to pee on the stick and half her hand in the process.

I pee and wait. Two lines show up, I feel faint. Only to grab the box and realize that it is suppose to have two lines, if one of the lines is a positive then I should faint.
I look at Lance and state - NEGATIVE. I am filled with glee.
He seems a bit deflated. I eyeball him from across the room, he states ' I was nervous and happy just with the thought of it all.'
Me - 'dear god, are you crazy.'
And so that was our night.
I left the pee stick on the counter - because I am classy. And went to bed.

I wake up this morning, in a haze, grabbing my coffee and see the pee stick still on the counter. I grab it to throw it away and take a quick glance at it. IT HAS CHANGED...the two lines now have one positive line in the window. I look at the box, I look at the stick - this morning it indicates that I AM PREG. OMG, OMG, OMG. NO, NO, NO!!!!!
I remember very clearly looking at the stick to make sure that there was not a faint positive. *my sister had a 'faint' positive line and got kid #4.*
There was NOT even a faint positive on the stick last night. So what happened.
I look a little closer at the stick and 'someone' filled in the lines with a sharpie. My husband actually took the stick and put a positive line on the window with a sharpie.
Are you kidding me. I called him, and he laughed.
Some joke.................not funny, and WAY to early to be messing with my mind.
He keeps it up and he will not be able to produce children. SO NOT FUNNY.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Halloween Re-Cap

Halloween 2009, was a success at the DePew household.

Rylan was a football player with blue hair, Pyper was a Princess that changed twice.

The photo's here are of her first dress, I did not get photo's of the second dress (it was too dark). Prior to actually walking the neighborhood, she decided that 'I dun't lik'y ths dress.'' Therefore she took it off in the front yard. She refused to wear custom until she saw the other kids running around dressed up. I was afraid she was going to be the kid that did not dress up, but I was wrong. Once we got in the swing of things she was a true champ.

I don't normally dress up on Halloween night. I wear jeans & a sweater in order to walk my kids around. comfy is the attire. My biggest accessory are eyelashes, as seen below. I wore these to work, and to Rylan's school party.
The weekend before Halloween I had all of the kids over the for the night, here they are gathered around the kitchen table, we are getting ready to decorate cup-cakes. I fear they all may have eat'n too much icing.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

VOTE Today

Okay, for the most part I have kept my political opinion to myself.
I will attempt to continue to toe that line, not because I am ashamed, not because I am not political - I just find it better.
I will let you know this much, my household was a split household.

However, my husband was so passionate about his stance that he actually voted today. LISTEN this is a big deal. He registered to vote this summer, and actually found it important to vote for the first time in his life. The man will be 35 next year - he has had plenty of time and plenty of issues to vote on; so why now? I don't really care, I am just really proud of him for getting done.

Not only did he get it done, he did it first thing this morning. He was at the polls at 5:30am. Mind you, I was still sleeping. He felt this was important, he felt that his vote 'might' actually count. Someone and/or something got thru to him - it was not me. I don't care how it happened, but the fact is that it happened. My husband is growing-up right before my eyes, setting good examples for my children - who knew.
*mind you he still gives out his social # and credit card over the phone, we never said growing up was easy. We are still cleaning up that mess.

I will post photos tomorrow of the weekend & Halloween.

I will walk around proudly today with my 'I voted' sticker. I will watch the results tonight after football practice and banter back and forth with Lance over who will REALLY win.
For now I am going outside to walk. It is beautiful - get outside, enjoy the weather before old man winter takes it away. It is a lovely day to go and VOTE in STL MO.
Veterans Day is soon, remember to say thank-you. They are a huge part of the reason we actually get to vote today.


Nieces & Nephews and Kids...