Friday, November 7, 2008

Joke - NOT funny.

Here is glimpse into how dysfunctional we really are........

I have been feeling crappy since last Sunday. I mean really crappy - tired, cranky, sick to my stomach, feeling like I want to puke ALL the TIME. Any woman reading this knows these are clear signs are someone being pregnant. (OMG, I HATE that word).

After having Pyper I had an IUD put in, this thing is suppose to last for 5 yrs, and suppose to be 98% effective. I know, probably TMI, but come on, I don't want anymore kids. So this was my way of making sure I was 98% safe and sound. Because we all know dear ol' hubby won't do anything about it.....he was suppose to get snipped. Once again TMI.

Anyway, so my symptoms have not subsided. I looked at Lance last night and we talked it over and decided we should just take a damn test to be sure that I was not with child. *cringe*
The pit in the bottom of my stomach grows larger, just the possibility of it makes me break out in hives. However Lance, walks around with a boyish, sheepish grin - just thinking of the possibility. Two different schools of thought going on here.
Lance picks me up a test (actually a 2-pack) on his way home from Football. He is glowing with anticipation. I on the other hand still feel like puking!
I go to pee on the stick, with an audience. Mind you, I normally have Pyper in the bathroom anyway - but now I have Lance standing in the doorway peering in. I don't get stage fright, but give a girl some room to pee on the stick and half her hand in the process.

I pee and wait. Two lines show up, I feel faint. Only to grab the box and realize that it is suppose to have two lines, if one of the lines is a positive then I should faint.
I look at Lance and state - NEGATIVE. I am filled with glee.
He seems a bit deflated. I eyeball him from across the room, he states ' I was nervous and happy just with the thought of it all.'
Me - 'dear god, are you crazy.'
And so that was our night.
I left the pee stick on the counter - because I am classy. And went to bed.

I wake up this morning, in a haze, grabbing my coffee and see the pee stick still on the counter. I grab it to throw it away and take a quick glance at it. IT HAS CHANGED...the two lines now have one positive line in the window. I look at the box, I look at the stick - this morning it indicates that I AM PREG. OMG, OMG, OMG. NO, NO, NO!!!!!
I remember very clearly looking at the stick to make sure that there was not a faint positive. *my sister had a 'faint' positive line and got kid #4.*
There was NOT even a faint positive on the stick last night. So what happened.
I look a little closer at the stick and 'someone' filled in the lines with a sharpie. My husband actually took the stick and put a positive line on the window with a sharpie.
Are you kidding me. I called him, and he laughed.
Some joke.................not funny, and WAY to early to be messing with my mind.
He keeps it up and he will not be able to produce children. SO NOT FUNNY.

7 comments:

Terra said...

I hate to laugh, but I have too. I wouldn't be laughing if it was me though... although after getting the getting them snipped, with only having one ovary, and the fact that that I was not supposed to be able to have children at all after the first one (by the way we are talking 3 children later) well now I think I would just have to say I was the new age Mary if I got pregnant again...

Kori said...

Ok so I'll agree that it soo was not funny all the while I'm chuckling at his deviousness. lol

A Buns Life said...

Does he not already realize that he is walking on thin ice?

Michelle said...

Yeah it is hard not to laugh.
I mean REALLY....who would do such a thing?

Bun - I 'think' he really does not care.

Ranisa said...

I am fellow blogger friend of Terra's....I had to read this after seeing the title on her blog. I was rolling!!!! Your husband has quite the sence of humor, I even had to grab my husband and read to him laughing the whole time!

Farrell said...

Not funny. He's grounded. No sex for a week.

Jennifer said...

He is way too funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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