If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything.

So I have this notion that failure is alright, it is part of life. It is a part of life no one ever speaks about and no one tells you is 'okay'. Hey guess what ppl - we get fired, we lose jobs, we lose spouses, we lose loved ones, we don't get the dream job, we don't get the guy, hell there are times when I go to look and I don't get the damn ice cream! FAILURE is healthy. I know gasp! Healthy. Why did no one bother to tell me, why is it not written somewhere, in some parent handbook? Gosh this life lesson has been a hard one for me. But despite my failures I am all n' all okay! Who knew? There are days when everything falls apart and fail totally bad! And then there are days when I think i am a total rockstarr; but I am reminded pretty soon that I failed. I am learning to be okay in my own skin, with my own faults and I think I have tested every inch of my moral and personal being. Only to find out that each day, I still wake up and I still live - there

Okay, so let me just say how much I HATE, HATE my lawn mower! Soo, with this whole Lance debacal, as it has fallen out - I got the house. Now don't go acting like it was an act of goodness by Lance; heck no. I got the house, because I can afford it on one income. In return he go my truck and I go his 91 Ford that was on its last leg - which still sits in my driveway as if it is a freakn' lawn statute. Lucky for me my parent had mercy on me and gave me a car, I proudly drive a 2001 Chevy Impala - with pleasure at this point. Im still trying to figure all this out and there are times when it suxs! I have yet to decide if I can really swing a car-payment. It frightens the hell out of me... So as I keep the house, I keep everything with the house!! WTF! Where was the damn disclaimer? I hate this! A few years ago Lance bought a damn commercial lawn mower. Our lawn is not that big!! So now I can hardly mow my lawn, the mower is cumbersome, heavy and hard to use! The mow

Its interesting that the last two years I basically stopped writing. As if life suddenly stopped. Well it didn't stop, it just got messy. Which is why I should have probably kept writing. Perhaps I could have gotten some perspective, a few f' you's or a few it will be okay talks. Instead I do what I do best, I built a wall around my self and attempted to hide. Well that is like trying to hid in a mailbox while my ass hangs out. Just not possible. Over the past two years I have made mistakes and even become a person even i didn't recognize. I seperated from Lance after 11 years of marriage; had a boyfriend that was also married (no hate mail please! I get it!). Attempted to do everything possible to keep my kids safe and settled despite my current state of bobble head. Yes folks I was a total bobble head and at times continue to bobble my way through this debacl. There are things I do know, now that I didn't know then. I am much stronger than I ever t