Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Normal?

The DePew family is trying to remain as normal as possible - whatever that means.
I am getting up every morning and going thru the motions - hell I even shaved today.
Along with shaving I am pasting a smile on my face and trying to keep that lump in my throat down.
We saw the orthodontist and plastic surgeon yesterday. We all listen, we nodd in agreement -that we understand, then we all paste those damn smiles on our face and we move on.
Lance and I fight over the littlest things, then 30 seconds later find each other to apologize - we know what is really going on. Lance has taken some time the last two weeks to do things w/ just Rylan. I think it has comforted both of them. Yesterday, Lance took Rylan to the orthodontist in the morning then they went to swing-around-fun town. A good memory and distraction for both of them. I see Lance reaching out a bit more, and being more tolerant these days; and for that I am grateful.
Rylan is a bit more aggressive - towards me at least; this makes me angry as a mom. But then again I understand it - so at this moment we are tolerating his need to find an outlet. As adults we have spoken in front of him, with all of the doctors - not sure if that is a good idea or bad. Not sure if he 'gets it'. But what he does get, is that HE is having surgery and with each passing day he acts out a little bit more - who could blame him.
Yesterday we were sitting at children's hospital and I was asking him if he understood - he sits there sort of blank, with a scared undertone and he has two questions.
1) Mom, will I have stitches?
2) Mom, will my face be okay?
The lump is closer to the top than ever, the tears are in the corners. The smile MUST appear and I must do this.
I answer him honestly- that is all I have.
'Baby, yes you will have stitches. Both in your hip and in your mouth.' His eyes get huge, fear is beginning to take over. I continue ' but it will be okay, you will barely even notice.'
'As far as your face goes, it will looks just the same; once the swelling goes down.' Relief washes over him.
He asked 'are u sure?'
I glance at him, trying to read his mind. Trying to imagine being 8 yrs old. Then I ask, 'Are you afraid of looking weird? Like Frankenstein?'
He glances at me, sheepishly 'yes. I don't want to be weird, mom.'
My heart leaps, and I think *I don't want you to be weird either.* But I state out loud 'you will be just fine, just like now. You will be sore, you will have stitches in your hip and your gum line.' At his point I point into his gum line so he knows it will not be on the outside of his face.
He seems comforted at this point. With what little comfort you can find sitting at Childrens Hospital.
So today is one day closer.
Here is what I know - or what I remember from the conversation with the doctor.
1) He didn't know if they were going to graph both side of his mouth or just one.
- kind of an important point at this stage in the game.
2) They will retrieve the bone marrow from the right side. Mainly because that how the surgery room is set up. At this point they are planning on retrieving a thimble size amount of marrow. Unless of course they are going to do graph both sides, then they need more.
3) Surgery could take anywhere from 1.5 to 4 hours; depending on if we are graphing one or two sides.
4) At least an overnight stay. They expect us to be released on Friday. We will see.
5) Liquid diet for 4 to 5 days. Soft foods for a couple of weeks.
6) No more swimming - or rather don't allow him to blow water, or anything else out of his mouth. It might blow the graph.
We don't have a surgery time yet, but we are hoping for early on Thursday.
The earlier the better.
A brief thank-you to my mother, sister; who are helping us by caring for Pyper during this time. It is a relief to know that she is taken care of, and we can focus on Rylan. Thank you to my parents for coming with us to surgery - I prob won't remember to thank you then.
We will try to remain normal in the mean time - whatever in the hell that means.
God bless you baby, we will get thru this one moment at a time. My heart aches that you have to go thru this, and I don't understand it all, but I am faithful - scared by faithful.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Somewhere in between

I just realized that I forgot to post on father's day - which by the way I did not see my father. Yes, folks - for the record; I SUCK.

We spent all of Saturday on the river and by Sunday we were spent, no excuses -just reality.
So in an effort to not be a complete arse, I did call my dad.

Luckily enough for me, that is enough for my father. He is not a big Hallmark holiday kind of guy - as I have said before he will dazzle you with the little things so you had better be paying attention. Secondly, I am not sure that he is up to company - well company with kids. Or should I say company with kids for an extended period of time. He is still, much to his displeasure, recovering from being hit while riding his motorcycle. He luv's us and our small children, but in the same token, he does not mind luving us from afar.

Which by the way, I totally get, and for the record totally don't mind. My small twinge of guilt comes over not seeing Lance's dad for father's day. For gosh sake the man is going to 80 in July, we prob should have made more of an effort to drive our happy arses down to the country to see him. Luckily, he already had bbq plans - either that or he lied to us, so we didn't feel guilty for not coming down.

So in the mist of ditching our own fathers, we celebrated father's day at the DePew household in a mild manner. We all slept in, we all took naps, we lounged around had steak-n- crab legs, then I made a cake. For Lance, it was ideal. For my household, it was good for the soul. These days we are somewhere in between being run ragged and forcing ourselves to take some much needed down time.

I know you must be thinking, how in the hell can someone who has had three weeks off need some down time? Without going into too much I will say it is complicated. While our house hold is strong, others around us are falling apart ; plus emotionally I am a basket case. Aside from every appliance going out, my purse being stolen and the damn tree falling on our home - my nights are haunted by our pending surgery, and the struggles of my new job.

In a way I am grateful for the new job distraction - it keeps me from thinking too much about the surgery that is 9 days away. However on my way back from dropping Rylan off at day camp today, it hit me. There I was driving in the car and crying. like a freakn' baby, like someone who has raging hormones. I did this type of thing when I was prego - which by the way I am not. I am PMS'ing which might explan the ragining hormones. (maybe?). I am somewhere between being overwhelmed and grateful for the multiple distractions.

Rylan has day camp right up until his surgery date, which is next Thursday. And today Pyper took her first gymnastics class. I am running around like a damn chicken with its head cut off trying to work full time and be a mom who makes every thing - because I refuse to fail at either one. Somewhere along the line I am failing something - I mean for real, something has to give.

So I think it is my sleep. The brain does not shut off, the mind does not stop wondering about all of the what 'if's' ; it keeps haunting me with the surgery and the pending work stuff I have not gotten my head around. All of this has lead me to believe that perhaps I am an over-achiever or just glutten for punishment. I would prefer to view myself as a slacker - I like that much better, but my choices tend to lead to the other direction. Which in turn leads to my craziness.

I am greatful that Lance and I are strong, loving and healthy. At least on that front, I am not distracted - actually I am comforted. It is nice to be married to your best friend, it is nice to know that you can be yourself and it will all be okay. I am not sure if I could take the stress of us know doing well, and luckily I don't have to find out.

I am trying to get a lot done in a short amount of time, I find no comfort in that - I have to keep reminding myself that in the end it all does not matter. In the end I had better be a good wife and a mom; because nothing else matters. My children will not remember that I was the Controller, but they will remember if I didn't make it to gymnastics, and if I was not strong enough to keep it together for surgery. they will also remember how their father and I treated each other during these tense times, and lucky for us we just keep on truckn' and smiling.

Here we are last weekend at my mother's trying on wig's while everyone else is asleep.............it is Lance, me and Rachel. Thank god for spouses and best friends. These photos will make us smile for a life time. *if you ever find yourself somewhere in between, find that someone who makes it tolerable, then take a few photo's as a reminder of where you use to be. Document the journey, enjoy the ride.*

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Fun n' the Sun 2009











The DePew Family has been hooping it up at the river and lake lately, these are photos of some fam'damly time. The top two are from two weeks ago at Black River, and the bottom two are from this past Saturday when we spent 9 hours on the Meramac River. I know I cring when I write it - the Meramac is a dirty, trashy river - but we made the best of it by skiing, tubing, boating and hanging w/ good friends. I skiied my butt off, and luv'd every minute of it.
Rylan did the knee board and rocked the river like a champ.
It was his first time and you could see the hesitation, the fear and the anxiety starting to take over while he was in the water holding the line. I stood at the back of the boat yelling encouragements at him - yes I had to yell, so he could hear me over the boat. Then you could see it, the instant his made it - his knees were set and he was still alive and well. Then his face held the confidence every parent lives for. I cannot begin to find the words to capture the moment, but damn it was incredible. The terror was replaced with a sense of accomplishment, which was over time replaced with a sense of fun. Then he hit some choppy waves, rode them out, then he got cocky (he is his fathers son) and ended up falling off. This was his second test - yes son, you must do it again. And again he did - confidence builder #2 - he rocked the waves and I could not be more proud. After the knee board and several times of me skiing we moved on to the 3 man tube - a little more his speed. Enjoy the photos.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Handi-capped

Day duex at my new digs and I am feeling extremely handicap.
Sort of swimming around in the land of the lost at the moment, hoping that I get a freakn' grip.
From an outsider looking in it seems like this dept is run in the dark ages, and the that the lady I am replacing spent a LOT OF time spinning her wheels and FORCES items to work.
That in general makes me cringe, I mean it makes my skin crawl.
I am hoping that my initial thoughts are not the case, but everything I review and touch I want to change. Normal generic things have been turned into major projects - and I am not sure why. Perhaps it was her lack of understanding about the sources of the data, therefore she did not know how to process it without tearing it apart. *just a thought*.
But something as generic as getting a revenue deposit, seems to be a big deal. That I don't understand - at all.
I don't want to show up guns-a-blazn' and change alot of things, but then again I can get the same result w/ less steps and less time. Seems like a no brainier to me - maybe?
Anyhoooo..........I am here, and apparently so is she.
Which also has its own weirdness to me. People are also confused w/ having two Controllers.
Here is the deal, her official last day was May 20th. However she is staying on payroll to 'wrap-up' a few items, which as of today are still not done. One very important item is the 2008 audit, which is due to the state by the end of the month. And she is working on a very important form for the IRS as well. Both of these documents she has taken off site and taken over.
The IT department won't create me an account or set me up until they turn her off. Which is strange to me, in my mind she is basically a consultant, not a controller. *but who the hell asked me?*
So what does one do??? Well me, being-well, me. I called her (she is on vacation this week), and got her log-in info and pswds. I need the data, I have a budget to get out and get done by August and I have NOTHING. So much to her reluctance she gave it to me. Which about pissed me off, she is technically not working - just logging hours here and there. ahem.
So, I am being productive, still under her guise - but productive none the less.
Just between you and I, I am not so sure she is going stop logging hours any time soon. Which could be a problem......just a SMALL one.
Then there is the issue w/ the software, it is messed up. She didn't trust the software, to do it's job so she forces and manually makes alot of it work. *OMG*
This is NOT necessary, this is NOT rocket science. So today I put a call into the software company. The software does not have reports set up for generic things like - chart of accounts or a balance sheet. She does the balance sheet manually.
Which might be fine (no even in a small business it is not fine!), if we did not have 7 gazillion bank accounts and 9 funds along with trying to manage 25 millon $$$.
I am not looking for the easy way out, but for real - some of this is a no brainier.
I am taking baby-steps, but the big picture keeps me up at night. I did not sleep at all last night - kept thinking about all of this crap. I am tackling one thing at a time, and holding my breath about the items that I should be getting too, and trying to imagine what I am forgetting.
But all in all I am glad to be back at work, and even happier that it is not my old crappy job w/ the city down the road.
I have plenty to share from my last week at home, we went to the wineries, the river, saw family friends and hung out.
If I am lucky I will even get some darn photo's posted.
In the mean time I am still waiting on my freakn' phone to show up from At&T. The one I lost when my purse got stolen about 1 1/2 weeks ago. grrrr. The banks still has us messed up and my gas billed did not get paid because it went to the old account, which was closed. grrrrr.
I have left Lance to deal with the insurance guy about the tree on our house - which is prob a mistake; but I refuse to deal with it. He is a sucker and we will get screwed, because he refuses to ask questions and/or challenge them. But it is his ball game, not mine.
Praying that my sister works thru her stuff. I would luv to say more, but better not. I will ask that you keep her in your prayers as she works thru this rough patch. Growing up sucks and growing up too fast can be confusing, not getting lost is a challenge.
I saw my brother over the weekend and after a few pissy moments we called a truths.
The last thing him or I both need is more drama, so we decided to just stop the madness between the two of us. color me all grown up- for a milla' second. ;)

Sunday, June 7, 2009

For REAL folks...

As if things could not get worse..........someone stole my purse.
SWEAR!
Okay, so I am part to blame, I did leave it in my car overnight - unlocked. My bad, totally my bad. However our subdivision is not a bad one, I have done this several times before.
The purse was in the hatch of my trailblazer, not even in plain site. They took my purse and all of my loose change, but left the GPS, the video player for the kids and the beer.
My purse was behind the beer that was left over from us hanging out w/ some friends on Friday night. I mean for real. By process of elimination I 'think' it was a bunch of kids - otherwise they would have taken the other items; which are prob worth more at a pawn shop.
I had no money in my purse - zip, zero.
But what I did have was all of our social security cards *gasp, gasp*.
Why, you may ask? I had taken them out of the safe, so I could sign my kids up for my new insurance at my new job last week. They were going back in the safe this weekend. The fact that they are out there floating makes my skin crawl, and it down right pisses me off.
I am so mad!! *part angry at my self, I was the dumba*s that left it in my car*
So now, I have no license, no checks, no debit / credit, no cell phone - GRRRRR.
I filed a police report yesterday, and contacted my bank and cell phone company.
Bottom line, this sucks along with the other list of items that have gone wrong in the last two months.
Here is a run down of things:
Fridge
Stove
TV
Tree fell on house / deck
Purse stolen out of my car while in my driveway
Yeap, I have officially met my max, I am done. Please move on to making someone else's life a living hell. I am no longer finding humor in our stuff breaking, acts of god, and my moments of stupidity leading to my life being turned upside down.
On the petty side, I just bought a new wallet at a purse party last week (Coach) and that damn thing is gone too. Mind you, I only paid $8.00 for it - but damn man. Give me a break - perhaps I should clarify before I break a bone. Please remove whatever hex is on us.
We were going to go to the horse races Sat night, well that plan was shot to hell in light of my life being stolen. It is sad to imagine that my life or some major parts of it lie in a big white bag, which contained a coach wallet and all of my stuff. How small it really makes me feel.
So as we get ready today to go to church, I find myself raiding our piggy banks so we have change for the offering. It feels low and leads to anger. Gotta run, 11am is right around the corner.

Friday, June 5, 2009

One down, one to go....

Before I get into today, let me say a few bits about yesterday.
To sum it up - Yahoo!
Much to my hesitation we packed up and went to Six Flags (stl). As a sidebarr - I hate heights and rollercoasters. I am not the best person to take to Six Flags, and in my short sightedness, I thought my kids would hate it as well. Color me all wrong.
First yesterday, Pyper woke up with an ear ache - so at 8 am I am visiting the doc in the box (Walgreens) and trying to think up ways to get out of the whole trip. Lance would not hear of it, so at 10am, we packed up, grabbed two extra kids and went to the theme park. All the way I am grumbling under my breath 'why in the hell are we doing this. this sucks blah, blah'.
We drive to where the coasters are in site and Pyper forgot all about her ear and she was animated and ready to see the coasters. Needless the say we had the BEST TIME EVR'. We stayed until 7pm, we practically had to drag everyone out of there. Pyper was just tall enough to ride the log flume, thunder river and fell in luv w/ a horse on the carosole. I owe Lance an apology, which he will never get. Him and Rylan rocked every ride there at least twice and they are still smiling about the adventure even today.
*************************************************************
Which leads me into today, part of the reason we went yesterday was two fold. One Rylan got straight A's (again) and today he had part one of his prep for his bone graph. We went to the Center for Advanced Medicine and had a tooth pulled. Lance and I were going to gether - well that plann was shot all to hell when the adjustor called and said he would be at our home today between 10 and 11. Of course between 10 and 11 ; when Rylan's appt was at 10:30. So, Lance stayed home and I went to the doctor w/ Rylan.
My stomach was in knots all morning. Rylan was too busy glowing about yesterday to even give today two thoughts. That was until they stuck the damn IV in his arm. This is part about being a parent I hate the most. The part where you know that you have to subject your child to pain in order for them to strive and remain healthy / happy.
As the big tears stream down his face, and he squeezes my hand, I put on my mom face. You know the one...that one that wipes his tears, speakes softly in his ears and trys to convience him that it will all be okay. When inside, I am praying it will all be okay.

*At that moment I am cursing everyone I know for making me do this alone.*
The pressure from the band to make his blood vessel pop up is uncomfortable and he begins crying, the needle for the IV turns up his anxiety to overdrive. Once the medicine is put in the IV my child is calm and I am asked to leave the room. Every time the doctors ask me to leave the room, I have a moment of hesitation. I hesitate in an effort to take one last look and whisper one more i luv you. Then I go back to the waiting room and WAIT.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
By nature I am not a wait-er' ; I don't wait, and under circumstances where your child is in another room drugged up and having items extracted, I for real, don't wait well.
So I dig thru my purse, then start to pace. While pacing I say a few small prayers, and curse Lance for not coming with me.
Then the come to the door and summons me back - I want to run.
Rylan is drugged up and sleeping in the fetal position in the chair. My heart leaps, and I gulp back the tears. I sit next to him, while the doctor explains that all went well. He is not really waking up, he seems to want to sleep. Then I explain that we wore him out yesterday, so he is tired from Six Flags. They get us a wheel chair and I wheel him out to the car. He is drugged up. Ever tried to wheel a drugged up 8 yr old across campus to a parking garage. While in the wheel chair his teeth start to chatter and his arms start to shake. He gives the appearance of being on the verge of a seizure - this makes me sad and scared. The doctor said it is a side effect of the pain med.
I drive home in fear of my child having a seizure, and that sucks. I am on pins and needles. As the medicine wears off, I see the glimmer of my son coming back.
And now 2 hours after being home, I am glad to report that he is fine. So well, that we are now playing WWE smackdown on the Wii.
In 4 weeks we go for a bone graph, in the mean time I wear my heart on my sleeve.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Bumps in the road


See the broken tree above - well that happened yesterday. I got home from work to see that the brief storm had left us a present.
The nice storm left us a broken mature tree, which decided to land on our deck, roof and gutter.
The up side to this damn thing - now I don't have to stain my deck, which I had planned to do over the next two days. Now, I will spend my time calling the insurance company, and try to get a damn adjuster at my home to assess the damage.
Hang on, because I am fully of good news - you know the kind that makes you shake your head and wonder why in hell do you really visit my blog?
Last week my father was hit while on his motorcycle. Scared the living hell out of all of us. He was stopped, making a left hand turn in to his driveway when a lady who was TEXTING hit him from the back. He saw her, he had his blinker on, he even put out his arm in a effort to make sure she saw him. Well, if her nose wasn't stuck up her text message she would have seen him and not rammed into the back of his back. We are lucky he is alive, and she can live another day knowing that she did not kill someone. Thank god Missouri requires helmets - it along w/ his leather jacket saved him.. It is a complete mind job begin hit by car - he said he could see her tire and was afraid she was going to run him over. Apparently, after reconstructing the scene my family has been told that she NEVER hit her breaks. He is banged up, bruised - but no worse for the wear. We are lucky, he is even luckier.
In true form, my father cannot wait to get another cycle and get back on the road.
God luv him and bless him. The only thing that saved his life that day was quick thinking and god. *hands down*
On a brighter note, we are taking the kids to six flags tomorrow. Today was Rylan's last day of school - he got all A's. *I am so proud* Not sure what genetic make-up he has going on, but proud none the less. Friday he is having a tooth pulled in prep for his bone graph, which will occur on July 2nd. *I am breathless thinking about it all*
In the meantime I can be distracted by the tree that has destroyed our deck, part of fence, sits on our roof and gutters. As I tell my family my latest drama they laugh - like out loud. My sister could hardly control her self. What the hell can one do, but laugh. Did I mention that the houses around our home are fine....but ours well the bad-mo-jo continues. And we stand stunned, mouths gapped open and then laugh out loud. What the hell else can one do??
At least we have a home, and thank god we have insurance. It could be worse, we keep telling ourselves...and we are sticking to that motto. Although with each incident it is harder and harder to believe.



Tomorrow should be better, folks.
Stay positive - see this is the face of a positive person.

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