Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Pet(s)....for kids

Okay, so we broke down Sunday and went to the pet store. Actually, we went to two different pet stores looking for the 'right' pet(s) for the children. Pyper was pretty easy, we figured one Beta and she would be good.
She seemed enamored by the goldfish that once resided at my sisters house in a small glass bowl. By enamored, I mean she could not keep her fingers off of them and loved to look at the 'nemo's' swimming about. So in return we bought her a Dory, which she refers to as 'blue ishy'.
I am surprised her blue ishy made it thru the car ride home. She had that ishy all over the place - up, down, sideways and doing circles in the small take home container - just in an effort to catch a quick glance of him. She was thrilled.
* Can you tell she is excited??? Prob not. That girl shows NO emotion - ever. ha!

Rylan on the other hand was no SO easy to please...he was the reason we went to TWO pet stores. First we wanted a lizard - only until mom found out it ate LIVE crickets. um. YUCK. *listen, we all know that the crickets would be lose in my house w/in 24 hours. That is the last thing I needed.* So then we looked at the turtles, only the cheapest one we could find was $100.00 - um are you kidding me; they are FREE in the summer. I refuse to get a snake, they eat mice (either live or dead). Plus, I am not a snake kid-of-girl ; and with my luck Lance would get a job that makes him travel and I would have to deal with the snake. Which would not happen.
Then we found the cutest little water crabs - I mean for REAL cute. We bought 4 of them.
We get home and start putting the stuff together.
This whole process was pretty easy. I bought a 10 gallon tank 2 yr ago at a yard sale for $5.00 - now we have finally put it to use.
The DePew family is proud owners of one blue ishy and 4 water crabs. They all survived the first 24 hours - yippie!
*However I am saddened to say that one crab was dead this morning. Lance called around 9am to let me know. Which is strange because when 'we' told them all goodbye this morning everyone was alive.
I asked Lance 'how do you know he is dead?'
Lance 'he is upside down in the water.'
Me 'um pretty good indication.'
We will replace the little crab today before Rylan gets home - no need to break his little heart just yet. He is just so darn proud of his new pet(s), let's not burst his bubble just yet.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Update on work;

Okay kids,
So it is sink or swim time...I have mediation scheduled with the EEOC for early march, early in the morning. I have been informed by the mediator that the Mayor & Attorney for the City I work for will be against me and I will be the lone ROCK STARRR!

Time to grow some balls and get this done. I find it interesting that the one man I named in my complaint (my boss) will not show up.
um....very interesting.

Although I am stumped as to why the Mayor has decided to be there.....that is throwing me for a loop. When all of the complaints were filed, they were filed with the Mayor first, you would 'think' he would stay FAR away from this process. To date, I cannot get an attorney to return my call - very frustrating!! One is out of town, and one had me fill out a questionnaire about a week ago. Still now call back. The one who is out of town told me that once I get a 'right to sue' letter from the EEOC they would gladly represent me.
So here is the predicament........
I don't HAVE to have mediation ; the mediator is not there to advise me, protect me or help me thru the process. He has mentioned to me that at any time I can shut down the mediation and request that an investigation be preformed. The mediator stated most work sites do not want an investigation to take place, they are long and expensive.
So here is my biggest dilemma -what do I really want out of this???
um.....the million dollar question.
I guess today, I don't really know.
I really wanted my employer to do their job, treat all of us fairly - which clearly has not occurred.
What else do I want????
Is it too cheesy to ask for money? I figure I 'could' ask for compensation for all 9 of the other employees who also filed formal complaints against my boss. I mean for real, they submitted written documentation against this man - so why is my work not acting on it???
Clearly, I want to get my entire raise, which was not given to me - although I received a high evaluation. The only comment on my evaluation 'you dress nice'. (swear!).
*It should have stated you dress nice, when I am not looking at your boobs.*

Plus, to date, I have no idea where I failed, so I have no idea how to improve...weird! but true.
And here is the kicker - my boss had 8 or 9 written complaints filed against him in late Oct, and he got his ENTIRE raise. Plus he was 'talked' too, along with another male dept head who was 'talked' too off-site once a female employee complained about his vulgar lang during a senior staff meeting. These two men get a slap on the wrist and their full raise. But not me....and I still am not clear why. My boss has violated SEVERAL (like 10) sections of our personnel manual and is still allowed to show up everyday and manage others. They fired a female employee last April for less. What is wrong with this picture?

Time to put on my big girl pants and show up to the meeting.
Plan to drink heavily and perhaps cry afterwards......show no fear in the meeting.
I just don't want to 'show my hand' per say, during the meeting either....if I tell them what I am really after, then they can prepare for it or protect themselves prior to the investigation.


Even if I lose, which is a great possibility - I have to go thru with this. For myself and others.

God speed!

*promise to post later about our newest addition to our family -(NO BABIES - pets!). I have photos and everything.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

cheering from the side line.

Today I had to take Rylan to the ortho, and we expected it to be a pretty easy visit. Of course it was not an easy visit, the doctor decided to change course after looking in the kids mouth.
Rylan has braces and an appliance in the roof of his mouth - the goal is to widen his mouth, push out his gum-line and semi-straighten his teeth. Getting his teeth straight this time around is not the goal, the goal is to prepare his mouth for surgery in the summer.
We expected to have the appliance taken out, which we were excited about. Well, it did come out, but only to be replaced with more brackets and rings. So, here i am once again sitting on the sidelines watching some assistance with her hands on my son and tears streaming down his face. I am holding his hand and feeling each flinch of pain as he grabs me harder.

At this moment my heart breaks a little more. I picture him as my baby in the ENT office being held down by 5 nurses so they can clean / check his ears. He would scream so much that he would break blood vessels in his face - it was awful! I would sit at the top of his head rubbing his hair and speak softly to him in an effort to calm him down, nothing would work until they were done. It all appeared to be so painful, which leads me to believe that yes he was scared, but there was also some level of pain involved and that sucks.

So here we are years later, more doctors added to our list, and the tears are still coming. Only this time he is so big, and trying to be so strong. That made me proud and sad at the same time, he is such a trooper. Once the things were glued on he was distracted by getting to change his colors - we choose orange this time. However my heavy heart does not get distracted that fast, his painful eyes and tears are embedded in my memory for every. Right along with his smile and his soft hands that relax once the pain is over. After everything was said and done, he got out of the chair, swished his mouth out and came over and sat on my lap. Smack dab in the middle of my lap and just needed a hug. I breath a sigh of relief, and hold him a little tighter for that brief moment, just to love him alittle longer.

Next Thursday we are schedule to go to Children's Hospital for outpatient surgery, he is getting is 5th set of ear tubes. I know it is an every day occurrence, lots of kids have them. blah, blah, blah. For our cleft little guys/gals it is a bit of a different story; one for me that is similar to going to the ortho. His ears become more and more difficult to explore and place tubes in due to the fact that the scarr tissue builds up. We get the scarr tissue from having surgery, we cannot go without tubes so we must have the surgery. It is a terrible cycle.
When he wakes up from the surgery he will be in pain, disorientated and desperate to make heads or tails out of the situation. And at that moment I will wish I could trade places with him and take all of his pain away. I will step into the role of 'mom' when really I want to crawl under a rock and cry. My tears will be saved for a safe place out of his site, but they are real non the less. I will once again be his cheerleader from the sidelines. Holding his hand, wiping his tears and praying for the pain to end quickly.
After a few hours and/or days this pain will be a fleeting thought for him, but it will haunt me forever.
This must be what it feels like to love someone other than yourself........this is what it feels like to be a parent.

Thursday, February 12, 2009


I feel betrayed by my own body.
I look at it, and I am not sure it is mine...I mean really who owns these body parts?
flabby knees /saggy boobs / extra 10 plus lbs / wrinkles / gray hair / and back fat.

Dear god, who in the hell invented back fat? Prob the same man that invented the bra....damn that man. It is prob my bra that caused the back fat, I am sure it squished and squeezed my back to the point that it just would not go back in place. I plan to put some voo-doo on that man, I am sure google will give him up.

I want to blow up my scale. I keep getting on it hoping it will magically move.
Instead it speaks to me it says ' oh little grasshoppper, I will move - just in the wrong direction!!'

I am sure if I had a talking scale it would say things like
hey lady get the hell off me - you exceed the limit.
or hey lady would you mind moving your boob off my face so you can see the number
or hey lady, you know if you hold on to the sink - that is cheating'; let go and see the real number.
or my favorite one would be -ha,ha,ha! Why don't you go eat that cake and then come see me -we should talk.

You know that damn scale number gets stuck in my head, it haunts me day in and day out. I have begun to hate my scale. I liked my house much better when I lived without one. I will get on it with my clothes on and then immed shut the door, lock the door, double look the door - stripp naked, make sure I shaved (we all know leg hair weighs like a lb or two) and then try again.

And if one more person tells me that 'muscle weights more than fat' I am going to shove my fat finger in their eyeball. What a load of crap....but here is what really burns my ass.

I have been working out, to gunnar peterson dvd. Using my medicine ball and my weights. I have been walking and not eating alot - so what give? Why the added weight? Damn I could spit fire, it really pisses me off= grrrrr.

And to top it off, because I am not happy unless I torture myself, I ordered a swim suite. the diva voice inside of me is screaming 'oh no you didn't girl!!! not a suite in that white, body.'

So yes, my body has betrayed me...
I use to have nice C boobs, I mean for real they were nice. At one time they were perky. I should have luv'd them then, I should have taken the time to appreciate them.
But NO.....I was too busy. So now, two kids later I have just a small B or a big A -take your pick. I choose the B, and I fill the cup by rolling up my boob and shoving in the padding. Only after I inspect it because it has started sprouting little hairs which creep me out as well. As I stated earlier - whose body is this, because I don't recognize it. And on top of that I don't like it.....

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be a stick. That also grosses me out - I mean Ick.
I want to be healthy, but I also want to eat a cheeseburger with fries and not worry about if my butt will have one more crater on it. I have gotten to the point where food and drink are actually making its way to my mouth and insantly hitting my body. I think I could chew gum and gain weight. I could look at a table next to me and gain weight.
Has anything really worked for anybody out there....
aside from starving yourself?
having your colon cleansed (aka pooping all damn day) - no thanks, that creeps me out too
I mean something simple, easy - like the lazy mans version.

I want someone to email me and say oh yeah Michelle I have just the plan for you
it is the - chocolate, wine, and cheese plan. It is so easy to follow, just show up and eat!!!

You know you have wrinkles when you wake up and look in the mirror and skin under your chin is stuck to your cheek, that crease around your lips won't go away until after your shower - because the water made it plump. Someone tell me how early do you get gray hair?? I don't have alot - but I am seeing more and more. What gives.
I am sure it is god punishing me, because I have been making fun of Lance's gray sprouts. But for real god, that man deserves it - don't be a hater. show me the luv'
ahem. I am too upset to keep this up, I want to EAT and drink my thoughts away.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Naked in the morning...

I know the word Naked got your attention, and not it is not me.

Althought I totally don't mind being naked, I would prefer to sleep in the nude. Prob TMI (too much info). I don't because Pyper still sleeps with us, and she digs her toes into my butt, thighs, nose (depending on her position) - and it just grosses me out. On the weekends or nights when my children are gone, I am a happy (naked) camper - I sleep like a baby. However, you know my biggest fear is having to get out of our home in an emergency and I have to stand on my front lawn naked.....I have had a nightmare or two about that. I keep trying to think of a back-up plan, I figure the neighbor guy will loan me a pair of boxers.

Moving on, really, all of that was not the reason for this...but perhaps it explains alot.
My daughter would rather be naked. Which tends to pose a problem when a 3 yr old wants to be naked in public. Oh, did I mention she is also in the habit of smacking her own butt.

Any family member who has been around us, knows this first hand. Anyone at the sitters house also knows this, and anyone who might have dinner with us - has seen this first hand.
*sidebarr - the butt smacking is from Lance. It is a stupid boy thing, him and Rylan started, that Pyper picked up on. But for some reason everyone thinks I taught her how to do it, which is weird to me. I mean really, I may be out there, but I by no means get any enjoyment out of smacking my own butt - that is a dumb boy move.

Typical dinner at the DePew's:
We all sit around the table eating the dinner that Lance prepared. I ask about every one's day and half way through dinner Pyper gets up and walks in the hallway. Here she proceeds to remove all of her clothes then comes back into the kitchen, stands at the head of the table, where she decides she needs to do her cheers (from football). here goes one 'bang, bang choo-choo, train, wind me up and I'll shake my thing'
Hence the butt shaking begins.

It has gotten to the point where she gets up and we all look at each other and my son states 'oh, no mom - here she goes again.'

As parents we attempt to put her clothes back on. She thinks this is a game and wants us to chase her naked. um...not so much. Her father has tried to use his angry voice to get her to put her clothes on. um...yeah, not so much.

Well, now we have moved on from dinner to breakfast. She woke up this morning fully dressing in her pj's and by the time I was out of the shower, she was naked on the couch. She spent another 45 minutes being mad about god knows what, but she was naked and mad. Asking her to put her clothes only made her anger worse.

I know you read this and wonder, who is really running the DePew home? Easy answer - Pyper. Duh. She has us over a barrel, a laughing barrel - I find myself giggling or laughing at her; even her nakedness. That I have thrown discipline out the window with the dirty bath water.
But what to do when she wants to be naked in the K-mart cart? (dear god, the horror!). Ask her to atleast keep her socks on - the cars are gross?

Lance is convience that her nakedness and ability to hold time can only mean that she will dance naked. I remember telling him a long time ago, you know those girls on the east side, they are all someone's daughter. Not so funny when you have visions of it being your own daughter, not so funny at all.

Mind you I considered stripping in college, for the money. But it was a fleeting thought, I don't really think I could have done it. I decided to waitress instead. But I am by no means oppposed to it, a girl does have to make a living. A word to the wise : Pyper girl, once you get boobs - keep your money maker covered up.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Check It Out

From a co-worker.....I am not crafty, but think the site is worth passing along, so enjoy:

Co-w0rker email:
I apologize about the mass e-mail, but I am excited about our new little business and wanted to get the word out. My sister-in-law, Lori and I have started to make a variety of bows, binky clips, headbands, hats, bow boards, etc. We are calling our business SILly Bowtique (SIL for sister-in-law). We both have always enjoyed being crafty and are pretty excited about joining forces and seeing what happens!

Our site is: http://sillybowtique.blogspot.com/ If you know of anyone else who may be interested, please pass along our information.


So last Friday, I go my sister to keep my kids and told Lance we needed to go out.
That is exactly what we did....and boy did we need it.
First we went to the Chocolate Barr - which is one of our fav' places.
We had a martini, and began to talk. See the flood gates opening, and us walking right thru them hand-n-hand.
Damn we have been under alot of stress and pressure. We needed this, both of us. We needed to take a moment, talk, be honest and re-group.
We are better for it - at least for today.
After the Chocolate Barr, we headed to the Gaust House for a German Dinner. Not my top choice, but it was right up his alley. His good mood began to lighten mine. From the Gaust house we went to McGurks for some wine and flourless chocolate cake (to die for!).
Re-group and reconnected. And perhaps a little better understanding where we are both at.....
Things I discovered:
Who knew that he would rather me put in a few extra hours in the evening, instead of going in the office on a Sunday. I had no idea.
Who also knew that he really hated his new boss...I kinda figured, but there it was - he said it, and I could sense the relief.

He seems so haunted by the recession, and the thought of NOT having work. He is terrified, not that I am not, but I have never seen him carry such a heavy emotion as worry.

We spent Saturday at the park with the kids and my sister. Other than my allergies it was a great day. I needed a good weekend, I needed some time to re-group and re-connect. He begins working nights today, so I prob won't see him again until Sat. figures.
For those of you in the lou' this Sat is the dog parade in Soulard - very family friendly. If you are looking for something to do. Oh yeah, and I hear Sat is valentines day......

Friday, February 6, 2009

ahem...and then some.

Two days ago, I had an employee come to my office with an issue.
He was requesting to leave work, he needed to go to the hospital.
This is the second time in two weeks he needed to go to the hospital, he was not feeling meantally well.
He is young - 19 or so. This is his first REAL job, he makes crap for money, lives with is girlfriend, and they have a baby. The baby is just over 1, and has been having seizures. The baby was diagnosed with epilepsy. See the cloud of the stress forming around this poor young man. I am sure he has more of a history than he cares to share with me...I determine that his home life was prob not the best either.
He sits across from me two days ago, and I want to hug him, I want to scoop him up and take him and his family home with me. I want to make it all okay.
But instead, we chat and I provide him with FMLA papers, to protect him. To protect his JOB, which he needs. Then I ask him, who is taking you to the hospital (mental health division?).
His response - 'no one, I am going to drive myself.'
I have visions of him never making it.
I respond - 'I will gladly take you, just ride with me.'
He seems surprised by my offer, and comforted all at the same time.
He responds 'naw, I don't want to be stranded at the hospital, I want my car there.'
I nodd in agreement, that makes sense to me. I am still looking at this 'kid' (he is a kid to me), and his eyes are distant, he is sweet, but withdrawn, and his heart is heavy. He won't say why, and I don't dare ask.
I then ask 'okay, how about I follow you.'
He smiles, and states 'you'd do that?'
Me - 'yeah, why not. Of course I would do that, just to make sure all is well.'
He responds ' naw, it is your lunch hour and I don't want you to waste it following me.'
But somewhere in there, you can sense that he really does want some company.
So, I push further 'it is no bother, my pleasure - plus, I can do this and eat lunch when I get back.'
Off we go, outside. We continue to chat lightly, about kids, work etc. I get to my car, open my door, I have one foot inside and then I get out, slam the door and walk over to his car. He seems stunned, I am sure he is thinking what in the hell is this lady doing?
I go over his passenger seat, and tell him I will just ride with him and have someone pick me up. He seems stunned, but really at this point, what can he do - I am climbing in his front seat.
I keep it light, simple and don't push.
He seems comforted to have some company.
We get in the parking lot, I ask if his parents are here - he tells me they are not coming. I offer to sit in the doctors office with him, he seems uncomfortable, so I don't push.
I left him at the hospital around noon two days ago.
I have been checking with his supervisor since then and NO one has heard from him.
I track down his emergency contact sheet (believe it or not they really are useful documents).
He has been admitted to a hospital in Springfield......ahem.
Praying that all is well.
I am comforted that he is not a threat to himself or anyone else.
He was not aggressive, just not feeling well. He has been on my mind, and will continue to be.
Growing up can suck, and it must be even worse when you have no one to turn too, or if you feel like you are out of your head.
So mr.man, where ever you are - take care of yourself, and know I am praying for you.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Another day.

Okay, so if you haven't noticed by now, I am not one to beat around the bush.
I just don't have it in me.
My filter does not work well, actually there are times when it does not work at all.
This has gotten me in trouble on more than one occasion. However, I 'think' most of the time I am just staying what everyone is thinking.

Well, last night, as I am sitting thru another boring meeting...I find myself listening to an old man, rambling. Believe it or not, I am listening intently - why. Because somewhere among the garbled words, he is making sense. Then it happens, he stops, looks around the empty chambers, looks at his note pad and states ' well, I guess that is it. I forgot what I was talking about, and I cannot read my own writing.' This made me giggle. Actually, this made me laugh out loud. How damn cute was that...just matter of fact, and moved on. The old man shuffles back to his seat, he is two steps away from his seat, then it hits him. He comes back up to the podium, and completes his thought. I smiled the entire night at this man.

I am actually an acquaintance with this man. Earlier that day I spent a 1/2 hour talking to him, and he told me the same story he always tells me, and then asked a few questions about the agenda, and on his way out he states 'You know Michelle, I have been in City Gov't for a long time...if you ever need anything just call me.'
This made me smile...can you see me calling a resident at home to ask for advice. It is unheard of, but his offer was genuine and sincere. I miss having people like that in my life. There was once a generate of men and women that called a spade a spade, shook hands and meant what they said. I see glimmers of that conduct every now and then, and I am hopeful.
I am hopeful that they raise their children with the same parameters, same notions. As my faith in the work world fails, it is inspired by people like him.
A small offer of help, that I would never follow up on, got me thru the day.
I should pay attention to the small things a bit more often.


Nieces & Nephews and Kids...