Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Two of my favorite reasons to take some time off!
Well that was the plan, but it did not quite work out that least not today. I went to work at my NEW place for 7 hours - sort of training. I woke up this morning, took a deep breath and was actually relived that I did not have to return to my old job. I mean it felt like a big weight had been lifted, I even smiled. Which is big these days. Normally I would blame it all on PMS, which is haunting me - but not today. I did not realize what a drag my old job was, and how toxic the work place was until I didn't have to drag my happy ass there.
I am sure my new job will have its own hurdles, I will struggle in the beginning. But I am beginning to feel that the move is TOTALLY worth it.
On tuesday some of my co-workers threw me a happy hour - I did not show up. Tuesday was my last day on site, I did not want to see everyone after work. It felt pretty shitty...for like a milli second. Leaving my old job site was like breaking up with an abusive was hard to leave, my emotions were raw, and some of my co-workers were taunting me - with their half-ass good wishes, and smirks. I needed a break - not a happy hour.
Plus I could not be surrounded by the long faces and emotions that people were laying on me because I was leaving and they were staying. It was emotional over-load for them.
drinking in their company would have only made it worse.
So - i stayed home, kissed my kids, had a glass of wine, began to read a book and began to let go of my old job. Once again, I related it to breaking up w/ an abusive boyfriend. Part of me wanted to call today, stop by, make sure everyone was okay. As I drove by today (my new job is just pass my old work), I flipped the old building the bird and smiled on my way to a new beginning. I have stopped the cycle for myself - but had thoughts of getting sucked back in; abuse will do that to a person.
I am officially taking the rest of the week off.....
Tomorrow is field day for the 2nd grade class, I will be there in my shorts cheering on my son, with Pyper in tow.
By noon, I will have a drink - because I CAN.
I may even take a damn nap, and I may get some sun.
Friday I will take Pyper to the pool, and get some more sun.
I have decided that times are good, I deserve this and I am going to damn well enjoy it.
I will post more photos - I have alot of time to take some.
I don't start my new job (full time) until June 16th......I plan to go in next Mon/Tues for a few more hours of cross-training; but no 40 hours.
Hello summer, hello tan, hello wine ! Hello smile - it is good to have you back!
*Thank you to Farrell* She helped me with my resume, she was a total rock starrr and I owe you a drink (or several!); now that I am off, we can do happy hour.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Up and over the hillside

This one is going to cover a few days and a few topics -
I may seem manic at times - that is because I am, YES I am a bit manic these days.
um....where to start.

Back to the offer, then the counter offer, then the ACCEPTANCE of the job.
Yeap, I accepted the job and I plan to give two weeks notice and take an additional two weeks to hang out w/ my kids then start a new job. All very exciting and very nerve racking at the same time.

After the acceptance and a great sigh of relief, I submitted my resignation. My immediate boss read my brief resignation letter, and stated 'well, Michelle I am sure they will be a better fit for you.' um.

In the mean time everyone around me is freaked out. The lady in my office is crying, a few board members have called me crying. That is alot of emotion to handle for something that is suppose to be a positive in my life. I have gotten a ton of emails or employee visits - all wishing me the best of luck, and telling me how sad they are to see me go.

This is all fine and dandy, but it is taking an emotional toll on me. I should have quit and left, staying and listening to every one's emotions about this is a lot to take in. I greatly appreciate it, but please don't be so sad - if you too are unhappy, then take control and make the changes for yourself.

Last Friday, Lance and I had drinks with a few co-workers. The co-workers started crying about me leaving, he was baffled. And he said it best' what the hell is wrong with you guys. She is not that cool, and she is replaceable.'

That made me smile and cringe. He is so right, I am not that COOL......I took great strides in doing the right thing, and always sticking up for what was right - even when it sucked. But please don't make me out to be more than I am. I am human, and pretty much done with this place. Also pretty afraid about something new; but excited at the same time.

In the mean time my car had to go in the shop. Have you been keeping track of my nightmare with appliances and electronics? I am in electroinic hell.
Apparently my child, the 3 yr old, put a bunch of coins in my CD player and almost caught my entire car on fire. How does one know that.....well for the last week I have been telling lance that something is wrong w/ my car. He gets in it, drives it around the block - only to let me know that it is FINE. I roll my eyes and envision myself punching him in the face. It is not fine. I grew up around cars, I know a few things - like where to put the blinker fluid (ha!). radio has been randomly going out lately. Over the weekend, while in the country w/ Pyper my entire dash board lit - every emergency light lit up as I made a turn. That is code for HOLLY HELL! I pulled in a parking lot, turned the car off and lost all power - my locks and windows would not work. DAMN, DAMN, DAMN. I thought it was my altnator, just based on the sympthoms. My dad showed up to look at it for me and everything worked just fine. OF course, so I looked like a dumbass for calling him to town to HELP me and pyper.
*Lance was at the Cardinal game w/ Rylan, so he was no help*.
We get home on Sunday, 1/2 way home the radio goes out - again. Apparently, I was on the verge of a fire. So $200.00 later, and a few coins dug out of the radio and I have my car back.
So let's keep count - Fridge, Stove, TV and now Radio. What am I missing? I should take inventory, because I need to know what will break next.
Rylan has school until June 4th and on June 5th he will have a tooth pulled in prepartion for his surgery. *cring,e cringe* My new job was very understanding about his July 2nd surgery and understands that I am not flexible about my time off to care for my son - can it be true? We will see.
So next Tuesday is my last day, I plan to bring Pyper in with me - we are having cake and I prob won't stay all day. This Friday I am off to go w/ Rylan on his field trip, and next Friday I will get to attend his field day at school. Then I have two weeks off in june and the plan is to get some sun, luv on my kids, drink in the middle of day - because I can. Smile, see my family and thank god for the small things.
Here's the web-site to my job, in case you really wanted to know..........

Add'l if anyone is looking for a Dir of Fin job, my is open ;)

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Holding pattern...

okay, so the guy called me and asked me to come in Monday night for a 2nd interview.
I made some arrangements - this is code for - Lance stayed home, until I got there.
I showed up at 5:10 for a 5:20 interview and for some reason I was nervous- I am not normally nervous. Anyhoo...I interviewed with a panel of 5, plus two on lookers. 5 - a panel of 5 (OMG). The one guy had 7 questions - typical interview questions, only I did not brush up on the typical interview questions. But I must have done pretty well, none the less.
I got an offer.
Today, I counter offered.
Which means as of now I am in a holding pattern.
The HR guy sends me an email that the board is reviewing my request and/or counter offer.
So here is my questions - should one counter offer?
I always thought it was to be expected.
I only upped the ante a few bucks more, but nothing too much or too extreme.
So tell me, do employers normally low-ball in hopes of a counter offer?
What is a respectable counter offer?
I asked for $3,000 more than the intital offer. Once again not a lot, but I think the expected thing to do is counter offer.
Some one throw me a bone!!!
Plus IF I take this new job, which is really similar to my current job - I plan to give two weeks notice, but take 4 weeks total. I am going to take 2 weeks in june to just chill w/ the fam'.
Plus I told the interview panel about my son's surgery - I need 2 weeks to care for my son during and after surgery. This request is not flexible. The panel seemed really responsive to this request. *let me state, a panel member works in a local NICU* I think that helps.
The lady I am replacing actually had 3 of her 4 kids at this place *they may actually be family friendly. dare I say. does it exist?*
So kids, this is where I am at.

Ohhh, then this morning I took my kids to the doctor and they BOTH have strep throat. That folks requires a place that is family friendly.
At my current job *aka hell hole* I had to miss a night meeting tonight due to the fact that I am caring for sick kids and hubby is working 2nd shift. We are in the middle of a give & take situation. I asked him to go in late yesterday so I could go on a interview / tonight I must give up a worksession.
He is stressed that he may be laid off soon. Perhaps we will both be home for a week or two - I suggest we hit the road w/ our kids and see the states. head west, I say, head west!!! time will tell. Our paths are windy, tricky and full of surprises. We are lucky to have each other and our little family. Keeping fingers crossed either way.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Mothers day and more..

Welcome back, it has been quite a while - NOT.
What is god trying to do to me these days??? Make me crazy - well it is working.

Let me know just tell you that Lance thought that Mothers day was Saturday.
I mean really thought it was Saturday, which is better than most years. Most years he has told me, 'I dont' have to do anything for mothers day for you. You are not my mother.'
So we are upgrading, slowly but surly.
I get up Sat morning and he is gone - I figured he was out getting donuts. He showed up with flowers, card and balloon. I looked at him sideways, and asked him what this was for on a Sat he states 'Mother's day.'
I looked puzzled ' but it is tomorrow.'
Lance 'no it is today.'
Me ', tomorrow. but thanks (I think).'
Over the weekend Lance and I spoke about the fact that I stopped the process with a job that I pretty much had. He let me know he does not get me, and never will. He felt I should have just gone for it and then worked it all out. I don't work that way, and my head is not in the game, so I should just back out. We agreed in the end, that I really wanted to continue with the process, and that honesty was the best way to handle it - but he thinks I should have continued with the process. I backed out.
Until today.
That's right folks.
I got a call from the HR guy at the place, he never told the interview panel that I was not going to show up today, he did not tell them I dropped out of the process. He called me first thing this morning and requested that I re-consider. He said they would work with me, they all have kids and he felt I was the best candidate.
WHAT?, okay. I will see you at 5:20pm to continue the process.
I called Lance, I could feel him smirk thru the phone. Well, in order for me to continue w/ the process he needs to go into work late. He was fine with that. This will have to be a team effort in our household. More to come..........

Friday, May 8, 2009

Re-gain footing on friday

I am so glad it is FRIDAY.
This week has been pretty odd for me, I woke up this morning and thought it was Thursday.
Somewhere in the week I lost a day - which seems to be pretty typical these days.
I am not sure which day it is and whether I am coming or going.

So at 9am this morning I sent a thanks but no thanks letter to a controller position.
Damn that was hard! I WANT to continue with the process, I WANT out of here - this place is stealing my joy, and killing my spirit one emotion at a time.
But for the life of me, I just cannot leave - yet.

I need the 4 weeks that I have built up to care for my son & get paid during that time.
It sucks to have to stay here and feel this way, but I have to believe that god is good and that things are in the works that I cannot see. I must 'trust' the unknown. Which is a stretch for me, I hardly trust the reality of daily living.

I have to keep reminding myself that it is really okay, and that I can do this. I have to keep 'finding' my joy in the small things (a small hello, a smile from my kids, and a kiss from my husband). So far 2008 has been a humbling experience for me. I only hope is am paying enough attention to learn whatever lesson is begin presented before me........because right now, in the thick of it, it is all scrambled around in my head and all I see is gray, dark skies. The light at the end of the tunnel is not the light to guide me out of this hell hole, it feels like a semi-truck w/ its high beams on and I am the target.

A worker came to see me two days ago, he popped in to see how I was 'doing'. This man has been here 8 years and knew that I have been looking and was checking to see how things were panning out for me. Two days ago, things looked good - one foot out the door. I was on my way.
He basically asked me not to go, said 'people like having you around, and we need you.' I said to him 'I don't know that I can stay and keep fighting. It is taking its toll. I feel off kilter, and the mo-jo in my house is BAD.' He said to me, the age ol' line of b.s. 'patience is a virtue, and perhaps if you make a decision about not looking you will be back to normal.'
In the moment I laughed him off, chalked him up as a wise guy.
Because we all know the bad mo-jo is from Lance *wink*.

So in my search for an answer, I got several.
Some were among all this crap, I still need to stay; and deep down that sucks.
I just had another fight with my boss yesterday. I so want it to stop, and I was so close to being able to tell them that I was going to be gone. I WANT to tell him off, I want to flip him the bird - I want to punch him in the face and give him a weggie. PLEASE!!!

Then I scheduled surgery for my son, and my heart dropped.
A worker came to see me to ask me to stay. This is out of character for this guy, he is a maintenance worker, pretty unassuming, pretty happy go-lucky and really not involved with any work b.s. He just shows up, does his job and lets the rest of the world revolve around him.
His words kept ringing in my ears ' patience is a virtue.'
Okay, so WE all know that - but to practice it, and pay attention to the message.
I had to sit back and pay attention to the person who delivered the message, as well as the message itself. Okay, god - I will take a step back.
I will be upset that I need to, because I really don't want to. I will trust that I still have something to learn, give and gain from this experience with the City. Although at the moment it all seems tainted. Tainted, I tell you.

Writing the letter to the other job prospect, in the middle of a recession, declining the second interview was HARD. I did not want to do it, but knew I needed to.
So as I realign my life, I need to realign my emotions - because right now I am cranky and sad.

*I am sure by now everyone has heard that Joshua was found. The small town in MO is thrilled and holding a parade for him. Thank you to everyone who prayed. I know god is good - even when things look bad.*

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

um and then some.....

I feel all over the place these days.
Random thoughts, random words - nothing really connecting.
Yet, with all of the chaos - there is a strong sense of calm.
Weird - right?
At this moment, I think it is weird that I am asking the web - if, they find me weird.
How is that for taking it to a new level?

So, I am still convinced that we have some bad mo-jo going on. I am not sure if it is Lance or myself who is off kilter - but we continue to struggle with keeping our personal items working. But on the flip side, neither one of us are really bothered by it all - we have been just laughing it all off and moving on.

We have been joking about how 'bad' our luck truly is - and we weren't even drunk. It is nice to know that in the times of chaos, we can find humor. Although I must admit I am a bit done with the comic humor, here's to praying nothing else breaks in my house. *fingers crossed*

So yesterday, as I made phone calls, I held my breath. It is here, the time is here....the time I have been dreading since the kiddo was born. I scheduled Rylan's bone graph. *gasp*
I was tense on the phone, all night and just walking around in a haze. I don't really want to do this, damn it. So here is the schedule - he needs to have two teeth pulled; this will happen June 2. Once that has healed he will have a bone graph on July 2 - happy effing' fire-cracker day. It was either July 2 or June 24th. The doctors felt June 24th was not enough time to ensure that he healed completely, so we pushed it off one more week.
Which as a side note is strange to me, because why ensure that is healed - when they are going to open it all back up again. color me -perplexed.
Anyway, so here we go. I am submitted the paperwork to take two weeks off for his recovery. I don't really think I will need them, but just to be sure. The doctors indicate it is a 6 week, full recovery time. Which is code for kids summer shot to hell!
Perhaps I need to sign up for netflix - we will be watching ALOT of movies. :)

So in the mist of all of this I have two interviews. Actually, they are second interviews. I have been up front with each of them, letting them know my schedule - thinking they would say thanks, but no thanks. But they are going ahead with bringing continue the process. For one job, it is just me and one other person.

Here is the kicker - what if I get it?

Is it bad timing? Or am I just afraid of the move? *perhaps a bit of both*
However on the flip side, if I don't go for it -what might I be missing.
Or - should I just step back; because people it really is not about me at this moment.
But- what if they will work with my schedule and still want me (is god telling me to go for it?).
Ugh, I am tormented soul these days - yet happy and content.
Complex, how about that - just sign me up as complex.
*please keep us in your prayers in July......*

Lastly, the little boy missing from MO, is from my home town - we went to school w/ the mother & father. In the spirit of prayer - please pray for them and their lost son Joshua.

Monday, May 4, 2009

manic monday.

I wish I had good news or better karma - but not yet.
I spent 3 days at Lake of the Ozarks last week, at a conference. The conference was full of accounting 'type' people - yes, folks this equals boring. I am not your typical accountant, I know-gasp.
I find most of the people there to be stuck up, old and old acting.
I know plenty of old people, who do not act or look old. But this group fits the mold and stereotype to the tee. So how do I fit into the mix, well not very well.
However, god must have been shining down on me....i took the lady in my office and the new guy from another local gov't rode with us.
We found out the new guy, who is younger (28ish), is a gay accountant. He appears to be, not so much. I ended up having a great time w/ my little car load of people.

On the drive home Friday night, it took us 6 hours to get home. OMG.
The drive should have been pretty simple, except some of the roads / bridges were closed due to the weather. So we ended up lost - which is pretty typical for me, but made for a long damn day. The road trip was nice, we had great conversations and perhaps I was meant to be lost in a car for hours with these two people. Okay,not perhaps - I was meant to be lost for hours talking about religion, self and positive thinking. I am trying to get back my positive mo-jo and it is harder and harder each day.

During our stay 'we' (all 3 of us), got fake tattoos, hats, swimsuits and drank martini's well into the night. The other guest were not sure what to think of us, I didn't really care. We were a circus everywhere we went, and I laughed so hard I about fell over.

Sunday, we finally get home - from traveling to Ironton to see family, get kids and re-group.
We picked up our second stove on Sunday, only to discover this stove was also damaged. OMG. I thought Lance was going to lose his mind. However in our desperate need of actually needing a stove - after 6 weeks of not having one, we installed the 2nd damaged stove. The damage on this stove was in the back, so not very visible. But, for real folks, what gives?
fridge, tv and stove x's 2......
I am not sure we are out of appliance hell - my washer is on its last leg.

Today, I am trying to play catch up - which sucks.
We are staying home this coming weekend, and I cannot wait for it to get here - it is only Monday (ugh!). I have a meeting tonight as well - which sucks times 10.


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