Monday, August 25, 2008

Note to hubby: Shut your pie hole!

Well, he did it again! We saw the Mayor over the weekend at a work function and my dear hubby made a fool out of me, and as usual he does not see anything wrong with what he said.
That is it, I am NOT going to take him with me to any more functions.
I am going to call my gay friend Jacob, I know he can behave like a normal human being. Well, maybe not too normal, but he can fake it for an hour or two.

My work had a family picnic this past Friday, we closed City Hall at 3pm and kept the pool area open until 10pm. We were encouraged to bring our families for the activities. I left work, went home packed a cooler, the kids and the hubby. We arrived around 5pm, and settled into one of picnic tables. My son gathered with the other children and began playing with the balloons, my daughter found a little tent they had set up, and my husband made small talk with the random people he knew.
While I chased Pyper around the pavilion, I see Lance speaking with the Mayor. They are in the center of the pavilion and seem pretty chummy. I thought about breaking them up, but then decided that after the Chinese chicken episode, Lance knew better than to act a fool. I continued to chase Pyper, we spent another 3 hours at the picnic - playing, swimming, eating etc.

On the way home, I look over at Lance and casually state:'I saw you and the mayor talking, you two looked pretty chummy.'
Lance 'yeah. did you know he was leaving for Florida?'
Me 'Yeah, he was leaving the picnic and heading to Kentucky tonight.'
Lance 'Yeah, I told him they had nice titty-bars in Florida.'
*my head is spinning, I feel faint. Did her REALLY just say titty-bars in a sentence?
Me ' YOU did not!'
Lance ' Yeah, he said was headed to his time-share. He was meeting other retirees from 3M. And that they would play golf and stuff while the wives went shopping.'
Me ' How did you get from golf and shopping to porn?'
Lance ' Michelle, it was just general conversation. No big deal. He agreed, that they had some nice ones.'
Me 'What did you expect him to do? Will you never learn? He probably thinks I am married to the biggest Hoosier. He probably thinks we are either swingers, porn stars or that you beat me. WhY would you....I mean really the word titty-bars. UGH.'
Lance 'get over it. You are making it a bigger deal than it really is.'
Me ' Just once, cannot you have a normal conversation. Like - how's your golf game, been enjoying the weather, or nice shirt. But NO! I get the husband that uses words like cocksucker and titty-bars. Classy. We are C.L.A.S.S.Y.'


A Buns Life said...

shaking my head.....I feel your pain sister. My husband yells "play some skynard" at all the wrong times....of course I'm not sure there is a right time....except at a Lynard Skynard concert. :)

Farrell said...

He might be embarassing but he sure is funny!


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