The office senior staff is swirling, our night meetings have turned into a circus and all 7 of our bosses are at odds. What does all of this mean, to break it all down - NOTHING is getting done. People are making decisions based on emotions rather than common sense.
Here is alittle known fact, I work for a local city, I am a dept head for this little city.
I am also 15 yrs younger than all other dept heads. Plus I am fairly attractive and have not been overcome by the flat bottom syndrome, and side bulge that seems to have taken over the bodies of the other female department heads. It is apparent that they have let themselves go, and they are not keen on the fact that I have not, nor do I plan too.
I have heard snide comments about alot of my out-fits.
Once I wore a tailored skirt, button up shirt and knee high boots - apparently they did not find the boots to be acceptable, and I was spoken too by the City Admin. The Mayor (who is OLD) also finds some of my attire a bit testy. I am not old and dead, I am also not pushing the limits of the dress code. I am an avid Gen Xer, I like clothes, and I wear my clothes well. Shoot me, but don't think for one moment that I am going to dress down or OLD because that is what you are use to seeing.
I have body shapers, I wear slips, I don't show my panties, my shirts don't provide a peek-a-boo. I wear heels with no hose, I wear boots with skirts and dresses. I luv my boots, I feel comfortable in my boots. They are not hooker boots up to my thighs, they are nice dress boots.
Anyhoo...I got off track......with the attire issue.
Being in leadership role, does not make you a leader. Sort of like having a kid does not automatially make you a good mom. Being a good leader is a learning curve, and somewhere among it all you must not lose yourself.
I was beginning to lose myself, and question my ultimate intentions.
Here is my motto ' I would rather lose my job than lose my integrity.'
But here is my struggle, sometimes the lines between my integrity and my personal opinion provide a grey area. I am an emotionally driven person, I wear my heart and expressions on my sleeve. I smile, frown, and gasp openly during City meetings. I am by no mean vanilla. I am trying to take my time and make good decisions rather than hasty, emotional decisions.
I treat my employees with respect, and value them. The other department heads frown upon this practice. They run their departments with fear. How 1950's. I am not sure where i am going with all of this. I just needed to get it off my chest. I have a lot of things weighing me down, and would love to enter an environment that is progressive and utilizing leadership tools of the 21st century.
*Are there really places like that out there? Or is it just a pipe-dream?
I refuse to believe that I cannot have it all......a good family, and a job I really like to go to.
Here is the kicker, I love my job. I love what it entails, I am good at it.....I totally dig the numbers, the statements, the problems, the investments, the audits and the ever changing rules. Would it be easier if I looked the role, and acted like a hard-ass - perhaps.
But, then I would be a sell-out, and non-too happy. So, the saga continues...................for another day, another dollar, and another fight.