Monday, November 26, 2007

Three F's -

Food, Football and Fun - the F* word that rhymes with Duck is a side-barr to the whole weekend.

So this one will be a long on, due to the 4 days that I need to catch up on.
Wed I leave work early and go to get my eyebrows waxed and go shopping. I walk out of the salon with little to no eyebrows, WTF? Mind you I had eyebrows when I arrived and now I look like those old ladies that must pencil them in. OMG. Thanks lady. Shopping was not successful, it was rather boring and I prob should have just stayed at work and not burned the hour of vacation time.
I get home and we decide we are not going to the country until Thur morning, then an hour later we decide to actually pack up and head down to the country. You would think we were bi-polar, who's leading who? So we pack up coolers with food, suitcases, coats, gloves, etc. We packed up 1/2 the house. The plan was to stay with his father for Wed night only, and then spend the rest of the weekend at my mothers house. We never left his fathers house. The gist, I never saw my family. *uck. (rhymes with Duck).
So Wed night I we get in around 7:30 and discover we HAVE to go to the grocery store, because we forgot stuff and grandpa did not have any milk or staples for us. Prior to leaving I started my cranberry sauce and upon starting it I realized I needed OJ. So I stopped and left the 1/2 prepared dish on the stove. During my absence Lance decided to take it upon himself to 'help' me by prepping the sauce. I arrived with OJ and started to complete my dish only to discover he had basically completed it for me. He made the comment you need oranges not OJ - I spat 'the directions clearly state 1/4 cup of OJ'. He raised his voice back 'they mean fresh squeezed OJ'. I twirl around ' If they wanted fresh OJ they would have said so'. He continued ' just like you to take short cuts'. This sent me into a rage. I called him a food Nazi (which he is), he accused me of not caring (which is true), end result - I took the whole pan of prepped sauce and threw it away. Cursing at him the whole time. Grandpa just sat at the table in the middle of us, half enjoying himself. I should have known then I it was going to be a LONG weekend. (*uck rhymes with duck).
Wed night more people end up showing up to stay the night at grandpas - a family of 5, actually. This means cramped bed space and tired kids. Pyper slept in the double bed with Lance and I, she dug her feet in to him while she tied knots in my hair. Damn kid, go to sleep. If Lance was not cursing her, I was. Then in true form she was up at 5am - OMG. And thus, thanksgiving began. There is not enough alochol in the world to cure this day.... Lance got up and began prepping his 20lb turkey and two ducks. He massages them with butter and herbs, in a manner that would make my grandmother squirm. Eww, i thought to myself. My thoughts were short lived as Pyper began squalling about something. I made cheesey green beans, and called it a morning. By 2pm, I had recruited my two nieces into helping me make an apple pie. The only I had to do was show up and read the directions - not bad! Lance had the turkey in one of grandpa's ovens and then tracked up to his brothers to put in the two ducks. Nothing like cooking in two places to make a man crazy. He left clear instructions on how often to check the turkey and what to do. He knew better than to tell me anything so he entrusted his step-brother. *wise move. Prior to his departure, I informed him ' you owe me an apology from you last night' . He smirked and closed the door. *uck (rhymes with duck).
We by 4:30 everyone had arrived and we all ate and attempted to be merry. The bottle of pre-mixed white Russian was my friend. Dunke.

Friday arrived bright and early as usual - Pyper was up and screaming for all to hear. What to do with this child of almost two. Lance and I had decided we would leave tomorrow and go home around 2pm - in enough time for him to get home for the Mizzou football game. Whatever, I decided I would go out with my sister and finally get to see some of MY family. Friday around 11pm I get dressed, grab my 18 yr old niece, my 2 yr old daughter and head out shopping. Why, because I was stirr crazy. We found a few good deals and made it home by 3pm. Callie decided she would keep our kids Fri night so Lance and i could go out. Around 4:30 I get out of the shower to find Rylan asleep on the couch - dead asleep. Pyper pooped out around 5pm. Lance called from his brothers and I told him to ask Callie to come down to keep the kids rather than me taking them up there - because they were alseep. She refused. Therefore I spent my Friday night watching SciFi with Grandpa and listening to Lance snore. Score for me - *uck ( Rhymes with Duck). I REALLY wanted to go out. As a side note Scifi is creepy.
Saturday - Ahh, this is the day I am 'suppose' to be leaving. I get up and transform into Cinderella. I cleaned Grandpa's house top to bottom - 2 full bathrooms, three bedrooms, a office, kitchen, living room etc. This includes changing bedsheets, pillow cases, cleaning the fridge etc. Clearly things 'men' do not think to do. Around noon I look at Lance and inquire as to when we might be leaving. He shifts his body weight from side to side - I really would like not to have to watch the game alone. This is code for can we stay ANOTHER night? His brother was within earshot and piped in 'Yeah, why don't you stay we an BBQ, drink and hang out'. The hopes of seeing my sister vanish as quickly as they arrived. *uck (rhymes with Duck) 'Fine', I spat 'but I am going out tonight, so the kids can watch the game with you'. I make a few calls and decided to meet up with my sister-in-law around 7:30 pm . (my brother did not make it in town he was in AK working). I begin getting ready around 6:30 and Lance starts in ' Aren't you going to put Pyper to sleep before you go?'
Me 'No.'
Lance 'Oh, what am I suppose to do?'
Me ' you are suppose to do the same damn thing I would do, when she is tired put her to bed.'
Lance 'Why are you leaving so early'?
Me 'because I need to get away'.
Lance ' Yeah, the house is a bit more calm when you are gone'.
Me ' Do ya think!. I have PMS, have dedicated my entire weekend to your family and a trying 2 yr old, and you have been a prick. Thanks for noticing.'
And by 7:20 I was out the door. Ready to be away. I stayed out until 1pm had a fairly good time, ran into people I had not seen in years and met people who knew me, but I did not know them. Apparently my dad, the school teacher keeps his class apprised of his kids and their shenanigans. Plus my mom does 'everyone's taxes, so I was either Mr. Bates daughter or the Tax lady's daughter. Not to mention that I drank Grey Goose and cranberry juice for the rate of a rail drink, apparently the bartender did not know that Grey Goose is a premium liquor. Ahh. I get back to my father-in-laws around 1am only to find a counter full of food and crap. These lazy men did not bother to pick up their mess. So, I wrap up the chicken, shells in cheese, chips, dip, beer etc and clean the counter. SLOBS. Then I grab a quick shower - I stink like smoke, and by 1:3o am I crawl into bed. Pyper stirrs as I slide her over.
I am glad thanksgiving is over. I have alot to be thankful for, I just wish I could remember what it was.
Bummer - I went to workout today and I gained 4lbs *uck!!!

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