This weekend was JAMMed packed and full of drama and fun.
Friday night we had a reception at the Bevo Mill to attend. It was dress-up night at our household.
I (in true girl) had two dresses picked out. I ordered one, and while I was picking up the gift that afternoon I grabbed the second one. Lance liked the one I ordered from (VS) and I liked the one I grabbed off the rack. Lance said the one off the rack looked like a pregnancy dress. It did flow a bit. I left the house in the flowly dress and went to pick up my mom. My mother, also in true girl form had 6 dresses in which to choose from. So when I arrived to pick her up - she changed and so did I. ha! Neurotic, I know. Morale of the story two new dresses I now have to return. I arrive outside to get in the car with Lance and he just shakes his head. He is use to dealing with me. ;)
The Bevo Mill was a 'fine' time. I wore terrible shoes, they looked good, but sucked. As most shoes do. I tried to drink myself into being comfortable. I figured that was a more reasonable goal. The reception was an open bar, that was serving 'prickly pear and/or mango margaritas' as the themed drink. The pear drink sounds gross, but was rather good. So 5 drinks later and a 'light' dinner we decided to pack up and head home. We live in Jeff Co., which is a good drive from downtown (approx 30 minutes). Well it took us more like 45, because at 1am we were in the taco hell drive thru - duh. I drop my mom off and decide to take the 'long' way home, because the short cut would be too curvy - and perhaps not sit well with my drinks and tacos. This was a good move until I was stopped for a sobriety check. YEAP. I got caught up in a sobriety check - if that does not sober you up, nothing will. Lance was in the passinger seat laughing. If cops were not around I would have killed him. I had to do the 'follow my finger test'. I had to do the test twice - OMG. Lance said my heart was beating so fast, you could see it in my chest. OMG. I would tell you how it all went, but I don't remember - I was in auto mode. Ultimately the cop hands me back my license and tells me to have a good evening and not to drink and drive. I roll up my window and just sit there - I am paralyzed with fear (still). Lance says ' Michelle, put the car in drive and begin moving slowly. Michelle. MICHELLE.'
I put the car in drive and take off going 20mph - Lance once again ' Michelle, do the speed limit, before the pull you over again- ha!!!!'. So what could have a been a nice night, ended up with a total buzz-kill.
Moving on to Sat night. I spend the day preparing for my sisters surprise party at Helen's and try to get out of the house by 6:30pm. Once again, in true form, as I am heading out the door, I decide to change my shirt. Why, because you could see my back-fat in the other one. What I failed to realize was how fat my arms looked in the shirt I decided to wear. Lance and I bicker all the way to the party - why? Because I like to pick fights when I am stressed out and he humors me. We arrive at the party and several people are already there.....
Around 7:15 I get a call that she is 10 minutes away. So I make my way up to the door, so I can spy on her in the pking lot and run back and turn the lights off. You know to give her the whole Surprise package. As I am waiting for her to arrive, I must have looked like a 'stalker', because finally a bouncer said 'what are doing'?
I informed him, 'I have rented the party room in the back to surprise my sister for her 30th. When she arrives can you card her / stall her so I can tell everyone to shut-up'. The bouncer shakes his head in agreement. Not long after I spot her in the lot. I point her out to the bouncer and once again give him instructions - 'stall her'. I scatter back to the room, shh everyone and turn down the lights and WAIT. Finally the door opens and we all say 'surprise' and she looks normal. As in NOT surprised! WHAT. So I ask, 'why don't you look surprised?'
Misty says ' the bouncer stopped and said Happy 30th'.
Me - what?
Misty - 'I informed him it is NOT my birthday, that is not until the end of the month'.
Me - I could KILL him.
Hey bouncer dude - you screwed it UP! We planned this party for close to two months and you let the cat out of the bag at the front door. Just my luck!! You SUCK.
Misty and I move on - hugg/ hugg / kiss /kiss.
Her husband is in the corner with a carrot top wig on. Let the party begin.
So my parents are late - because my mother is ALWAYS late. I don't think she really wanted to be there, but she showed up anyway. Nothing worse than someone not wanting to be somewhere and showing up anyway. She let everyone know that she talked to that her mind was elsewhere. My father would have stayed all night, had he not felt obligated to leave with my mom. Family and friends showed up - it was really nice! Our family is not happy unless we put ourselves in a situation to have some drama. So my grandma from Florida came into town and came to the party. My grandma who lives in town also arrived with her 'now' boyfriend. Why is this a big deal. The Florida grandma is married to the 'here' grandma's ex-husband - in other words Florida grandma is my mothers step-mom. We do not encourage putting them in the same room. Luckily they were all adults, I think. I tried to keep a drink in my hand and attempt to acknowledge the situation even existed. I pulled Misty aside and pointed it, she replied ' I KNOW, what were you thinking?' Then we both did a shot and giggled. OMG.
As the night wore on, we all proceed to eat and drink. Once it came time to do the cake, I realized we did not grab candles. So I bummed 3 cigarettes from the closest smoker and placed them on the cake - improvise! I made some girly speech and let Misty puff the smokes - she does not smoke, so I am sure they made her sick!
Out of the corner of my eye I see someone puking outside, and Misty's husband doing a shot of 141. oh. Then we all move out to the dance floor - we almost get kicked out. Of course!
We only had the room until 11 - so at 11: 15 I am kicking people out of the room and helping to settle up the bill. Misty's husband is dancing - mind you he NEVER dances. Not good!
I grab him by the collar and proceed to go out side. We start playing 'lets get passed Michelle so I can go inside and dance'. I feel as if I am dealing with a teenage drunk. Not enjoyable. Misty shows up to get her husband - I pack up and go home. Mission accomplished.