Wednesday, October 3, 2007

working thru it all

We continue to receive 'sad' news regarding Nancy, she is failing. It will be rather timely, I fear. So today during lunch I went to get Rylan some funeral appropriate clothes. I walked around the store, during my lunch hour, in a daze. I don't want to shop for an occasion like this. I don't want to buy dress clothes for my 6 yr old son, so he can sit in a parlor surrounded by sadness. I am afraid he will not understand.

Plus, I feel G. ma Nancy would have rather enjoyed seeing Rylan all dressed up, he will be so handsome. It sure beats the last time she saw him (this past weekend), he was covered from head to two in DIRT. He spent ALL weekend playing in her front yard. He was so dirty, when you lifed his head you could see a ring a dirt on his neck, crusted between the wrinkles. Grandma Nancy, smiled when she saw the dirt. It ment he was enjoying himself at her home, and she loved that. She loved how everyone in her family would come by and stay awhile. She created an inviting home. She loved the laughter, gossip, and chatter that occured when she had a houseful. The girls would sit around the kitchen table, clucking like hens, while the men sat on the porch talking about man stuff. And kids would constantly run in and out keeping everyone informed on the dynamics going on outside. I clearly remember one of the kids telling us that they had found turtles and they were ' hugging ' each other. Grandma smiled and half giggled. Once the kids left the room she said ' those damn turtles are the horniest creatures I have ever seen. You can catch them doing it all times of the day. ' That sent the table of ladies roaring with laughter. Grandma continued to inform us that, Grandpa feeds the turtles, that is why they stick around. I could not get over grandma saying 'doing it' -ha!

She is witty, warm-hearted and lovely. We will miss her so much. I fear Grandpa will die of a broken-heart, his will to live dies more and more each day. I pray that they both find peace, and pass without pain. My little family will never be the same. Our family holidays will never be the same. As time ticks on our lives continue to change, and for that we are both thankful and saddended. I married Lance 7 yrs ago, and my life has never been the same. I had Rylan and then Pyper and my life has never been the same. All in perspective.....

I will hug my kids alittle longer today, and as I pass my husband in the hallway, I will stop and get a hug, perhaps share a soft kiss. I will take the time to be thankful and remember the lessons learned from Grandma Nancy.

Several lessons come to mind -

Work hard, live well and laugh often.

Love your family as if you might not see them again.

Don't forget the little things, sometimes they matter the most.

It is okay to cry.

It is okay to be mad, but cannot be 'ugly'.

Grandma, may you pass knowing your were loved by many. As your body gives out on you, your memory will live on. My family will always treasure the time we spent together. We pray that as you make your way to heaven, you look down on us and smile. Keep us safe and healthy.

I know you must go, but I am not ready to say good-bye. As I sit here with tears streaming down my face, I realize there is still so much I wanted to share with you. My kids will continue to grow, and I wanted you to see them as adults. Please don't blame me for being a bit-selfish.

When you get your wings I expect you to fly.

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