Thursday, March 26, 2009

Appliance Hell part duex...or DUH

So the drama continues.....
Where was I when I last left off- well, we established that Lance has the mentality of Patrick the starfish from Spongebob and today he continued to confirm that.

Before I get ahead of myself..let's talk about yesterday.
I call him around 10am - he is working nights, so he was home.
Me' hey what are you doing?'
Him 'getting ready to pick up the fridge?'
Me 'good.'
I call back 2 hours later......tick-toc, tick-toc.
Me 'hey, what is up?'
Lance ' well, I just had to cut the counter top to get the fridge to fit.'
Me slamming down the phone. *dear god.
Lance 'I measured it wrong - I measured it from the top and the counter is down below and it sticks out further than I thought. So, I had to cut it.'
Me ' what? Why did you not just return the fridge?'
Lance 'why, I have it at home.'
I hang up.
I get home that night, he is gone and the old fridge is in the garage and the new one it hooked up and working in my kitchen. Counter is cut and a bit jagged.
Whatever!
I go outside and begin cleaning the fridge outside - it is empty; but needs a good wiping. I take out the shelves & drawers. I take them around the house to hose them off - when I head back to the garage to put them back in, I drop one of the shelves and it SHATTERS. I am PISSED...this is the angst of my existence. I sweep it up and leave the damn fridge alone. I officially hate it - new and old. All this time the electric stove sits nicely un-used in my garage. While the old broken gas stove stays in my kitchen - taken apart and unable to be used.
So for dinner I use my dialing finger and get take-out.
********************************************************************
Today.......
I call Lance again...around 11am. Thinking that the drama is over. I mean for real, what more can happen - the fridge affair is over.
Me 'hey, what is up?'
Lance 'just cleaning out the garage and making the fridge fit.'
Me 'how are you doing that?'
Lance 'Oh, just moving things around. Plus, I put the electric stove out on the corner with a FREE sign.'
Me 'What the hell? The stove that works? Get your a*ss back out there and bring it inside. Why don't you put the broken stove on the curb with a FREE sign?'
Lance 'Who would pick up a broken stove?'
Me ' BUT WE NEED THE STOVE THAT WORKS?' duh.
Lance' fine, I will go get it. but damn Michelle - what do you want me to do with it?'
I am thinking to myself - let me draw you a picture. I want you to take out the broken stove, place it on the curb and put the stove that works back in our kitchen. DUH.
I hold my breath, count to 10 - then just hang up. I don't have the energy to talk to him......
So tonight I will once again be in a kitchen with a new fridge and a broken stove.
I have dared some people at work to call my house and say that they were coming over with a truck because they saw the free stove.
Then I told the lady in my office, next week I suspect that Lance will just open my front door and put an 'open house' sign in my front lawn.
Perhaps, Patrick from spongebob is smarter than my husband - who is not smarter than a fifth grader.

1 comment:

Farrell said...

Wow. that's just about all I can say. Wow.

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