Thursday, February 2, 2012

2012 Onward and Upward

Okay folks so I've miss you!! Ohh my how i have missed, you. I drive around with thoughts in my head, wondering where to put them; what to do with them; and all along I should have just stayed here.

Soooo....the good news is I AM back. The bad news is, well it has been a roller coaster and well who care at this point? I am back.
The kids are good. Ry started the 5th grade this year, he has a striking reslemence to Gumby these days. Tall, lanky and skinny. I fear he may be taller than me within a year. He has a smile that will melt your heart and eyes that tell the story of his day or his emotions for the moment. Aside from the ortho and his retainer we are on a pretty steady low with him right now. Which is a good thing; nothing too new on the horizon with his cleft so we are just enjoying the break. Over the summer we dyed his hair with a few blond tips; he thought he was cool. Then a few weeks ago we got his ear pierced for good grades. He is growing up and as a happy as a ten year old could be. He is testy, moody and hysterical at times.
The midget is smushy, entertaining and loud at times. She is into everything!! Always. Awake or sleeping, part of her is always on. This child does not miss a beat. She is loud, loving and there are days when she is sweet as sugar and in a hot second she is a raging beast of emotions. She has lost her two front teeth and she looks so darn cute. She loves school and for the most part does pretty well. She has gotten a few bad days for not keeping her hands to herself. Her excuse? I just wanted a hugg, mom!!! See what I mean? Enough said.
Sooo...whats new with me? Hell at this point, the list is shorter if I tell you what is not new.
um. Lance and I separated over the summer. It was a long stressful summer, one filled with emotions and trials. My work is a freakn' debacle that has me out of my tree at times. People have been fired, there has been a suicide and change after change after change.
And on top of it all I freakn' gained close to 12lbs. Hello arse* not happy!!!!
I am trying to keep some degree on normalcy in this totally abnormal world of mine.
I am happy. I won't air my dirty laundry here, bottom line; Lance and I were not nice to each other. I don't see us getting back together - at this point I cannot make the leap. We live apart, we are polite to each other and we try to make sure the kids do not suffer. Over the summer we started to go to a counselor. One for Lance and I and then started to book sessions for Ry. I am smart enough to know that as much as Ry luvs us; he does not understand this. And one thing he cannot do is feel responsible for our mistakes. We are all learning alot and despite the fact that I thought it was going to be hoooky or a big crappy session ; it has turned out to be okay. So if i've done nothing else right, this feels right and we are gaining the tools to continue to be okay; whether together or apart.
And actually, just between you and I. I don't mind living alone (well with the kids); I have them full time. There are times when it is lonely, but then there are times when I come home and it does not matter that I don't do crap.
My sister moved in with my parents and back to the country. I miss her terribly, there is a huge void in my life with her gone. However, watching her grow has been heartwarming. She is stronger and better than she ever thought she would be. She is enrolled in EMS school and despite the pain, she has joy.
I am finding my joy. I have decided that I deserve to be happy. I work alot, I read, I pray and now I write. So glad to be back.
Just hold on to your arse the crap that happens in my day are stories either out of a lifetime movie or a freakn' horror story.
Here is the fast version:
A good friend of mine was to get married; called off her wedding. The guy went back to Afghanistan - now she is engaged to the luv of her life. Calling off the wedding was torture for her, but by far the best thing she ever did. The conflict and emotions leading up to that was the emotions that write a book. This is her story and she is due for a fair tail ending.
Another good friend of mine is on an emotional roller coaster. Her husband told her in April he was cheating. Wanted her and her two kids (one a NEW baby) to move out so he could move in his new girlfriend - which by the way was 20 yr younger than his wife. Now the husband he has had a change of heart - I think the gf left him; but what to i know. There has been physical abuse, verbal abuse, threats etc. From an outsider looking in watching this relationship makes my head spin. My friend is not going back, but daily we wait for something. I have called the cops - yeap, me; in order to do a wellness check on this douch bag because he was threatening to kill himself. Well he ended up in the psych ward for 48 hrs and the cop that took him told him that I called. So now I have some crazy psycho that not only cheats on his wife, is totally bi-polar; but now he is angry at me too. Imagine that!!!
So now I am back to share my stories, my crazy family, my crazy days and attempt to get through them.
I know now that are things I cannot share and then there are things I can.....It is those that I can that need a place to go home. So welcome home events of the day.
Today is the day I decided to let you back in blogger world, welcome to 2012 and the world of crazies. 2011 was nonsense, heartache and very few bright spots. 2012 has to be better.

1 comment:

Farrell said...

I'm sorry to hear that you and Lance separated, but I am glad to hear that you are happy and moving on.
*Hugs* If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me:)


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