If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything.

These days I feel like everyone I know has lost their smile. Myself included. I know I struggle thru the winter, I always have..and this winter seems even more intense than others. New job, new struggles new crap - once you boil it all down. The difference this year is that Lance too seems to be in a 'funk'. Normally we are not both in a funk together, which is good because it makes it easier to get out of IF there is someone there to help. Lance and I have been struggling to reach a common ground for awhile now. We have never been really great communicators, so when that minimal communication breaks down everything else seems to get lost in translation. Which leads us to where we are today. Which frankly, I am not sure where that is; perhaps a hazy line between just going thru the motions and finding solutions. Several factors, I feel are contributing to our distance, and inability to communicate or communicate clearly. One - my sister has decided that she wants to be se...

In my own mind my family is its own version of 'rockstarrs'. We are dysfunction, but not disconnected. We are fierce in loving each other and in protecting our own. And lets face it, we do have good genes - our gene pool leaves us with some charactistricts that we all wear with pride. You don't have to know us to know that we are related, just look at us......any number of us, and it is immediately clear. Its in the eyes. I am speaking of my mothers side of the family, the Guertin side. I, like my siblings and cousins have been giving alot of thought and energy in trying to figure out how to celebrate our grandfather Jack. Perhaps, I should back up. I have been lucky enough to know all of my grandparents, and even my great-grandparents. Secondly, I have been lucky enough that my mother/father made it priority for us as children to spend time with them. I was in my teens when my great-grandmother died, and in my late teens or early 20's when my great-grandfather ...

Well, things have been tough, tense and well just down right out of sorts. Not sure where to start and frankly have gotten to the point where I just don't care.....frankly I don't mind being in this state of mind, which prob says something all in its self. Anyhooo! Lance and I got in a HUGE fight over my son requesting an earring for his 9th birthday. I mean HUGE, to the point of hanging up on each other and being um, not so nice. He says, no and I say it is prob okay. Not only does he say no, he says I am an irresponsible parent for even thinking that it is okay at the age of 9. See me fly off the handle. Sure I am a lot of things and perhaps irresponsible a time or two, but over this issue - for real? Lets be frank folks, I have let my son wear a mo-hawk since he was 5, per his fathers encouragement and support. So the fact that I semi- support an earring does not seem off base to me. Mind you I did not encourage the latest request, but I don't see any huge harm in...

So working for a fire district has been interesting 'if' nothing else. As I get to know the guys and they become more and more comfortable with me, this one thing imparticular stands out. They as a whole don't want to be seen as heros. This struck me as funny. Little kids look up to fire fighters, men and women are grateful to them for saving their luv'd ones and their homes (if possible). And yet they don't want to be placed in the hero box. My response to one of them was just this 'don't be a dream killer. suck it up and move on.' As we continued our talk, it became evident that some where along the lines of being a fire fighter they feel that they are placed on a pedestal that does not allow them to be human or make human mistakes. Yesterday two of our paramedics lost a guy. You could see it written all over their face, the grief; but at the same time this is their job and they must move on. In speaking with one of the guys he stated, 'you kn...

When I went to Europe and live in a flat with 12 other students I met a girl from Tulsa OK. Both being home grown and corn feed we migrated towards each other. I found her to be striking, she had bright blue eyes, naturally curly hair and cheeks that were naturally blushed. I luv'd that...on top of that she was easy to talk too, we had a lot in common, including our new found European adventure. During our stint in Europe we would take classes Mon-Wed and Wed afternoon hop on the train with our Euro-rail pass in hand and ride. Sometimes we would have destination in mind, other times not so much. The Euro-rail was like a ticket to travel heaven. So Wed - Sat or Sunday we would travel from country to country. Not knowing the language, not knowing how to read most of the signs and not knowing how to order off a menu - we were for all intensive purposes 'winging it.' We found ourselves in a hairy situation or two - and how we managed to survive and walk away with a good st...

OKay so I am firm believer in Karma.... I totally believe that what goes around comes around - maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow and definitely not as quickly as I would like at times. Being mindful of ones thoughts and actions is tough at times. Sometimes against all efforts and against all reasoning things happen. One day we wake up and things have changed. CHANGED. I used to be terrified of change, terrified of alot of things. Not so much anymore. I dont ' have all the answers, I ask alot of questions and still find myself swimming in a pool of self inflicted nonsense. Happens. So as I enter 2010 here are some things that I do know. It is okay fail, as long as u learn something I should have been 'nicer' to myself 10 yrs ago I don't have to have all the answers, but I am working on it - ha!! For every tear you shed you find a reason to smile In lou ' of all of the nonsense I have been truly blessed I am so glad to have siblings and a best friend fro...

Christmas eve I get up in a panick because I remembered that I did not set the phones on the Holiday Greeting. In my mind this was a big deal, because I work for a fire district and it is kind of important if people are trying to records n'stuff if we are not open. Okay, so maybe not SO important, but in my mind I was totally worked up. I look at my kids and Lance and tell them I have to go...I throw on some sweats, slippers and grab some coffee and head out the door. I get in the car, still beside my self, half in thought then as a habit I turn on the raido and it begins playing Dolly Parton's 'Hard Candy Christmas'. I stop mid-thought and I am taken back twenty years or so. I have a huge urge to phone my sister - as a rule whenever we hear this song we call each other. I realize it is 7 am and she prob won't be pleased, but at that moment I want to bottle the song up, put a ribbon on it and send it across the way to her home. Growing up we would stay at my aunt...