Somewhere between today and last week i found a few things:
my smile, my laughter, my spirit.
All wrapped up in one happy bundle stashed in a dark corner in the basement of my house. Okay, maybe not that dramatic.....
Last week Lance got a call for work out of town, and I swear that he tried everything possible not to go; which really struck a cord with me. I was ready to give him a flying elbow. For real. Listen folks, it was work, it was out of town - which is not ideal; but is better then the current alternative. And he had said he was not going to take the job and quote 'because of football and practice.' I almost feel over. It is pee-wee football folks, hell I wouldn't care if it was college or the NFL - it is not paying the bills or making ends meet.
But he was dead serious; and i was too. Get your butt on the road and get to work. Go get your man card back and turn in your Martha Stewart status.
Oh yeah and the job was helping to build a Wal-mart, which totally burned his arse as well. That part made me giggle a bit. We are SO anti-walmart at our home.
Well listen folks, when times are tough - and they are at my home Walmart helps us to get where we need to go. So as much as he hated it he did go.
He found out about the job on a Tuesday and by Wed morning at 1:30 am he was on the road.
Let me just tell you what a relief it was....
I am actually surprised at how much tension and anger has been wrapped up in me and my household regarding him not working. Sure flying solo with kids is a bit of a transition. Lets face it I now i really have to get up early, get the kids ready and have a plan of action - rather than flying by the seat of my pants. But guess what I've done this before and it is not that bad.
So, in the last week I have -
Sent my husband to work, out of state
Found a new sitter for my kids come August / Sept.
And got the best back adjustment yesterday I feel like a million bucks.
My house has new 'relaxed' atmosphere about it. I did not realize how much stress was surrounding us; or me for that matter. Lance is not totally happy and our phone conversations are short and at times strained. He hates being gone.
But, just between you and I - I luv being in the house by myself for a bit. I am getting Pyper transitioned into her own bed. I am staying up late watching trash tv, eating and exercising if the notion strikes me. I am waking up early to watch videos and drink coffee -ha!
Aside from the dog eating a few items, he too has been a champ. Because now that Lance is gone too work he has to be kenneled during the day.
All of the stress is not gone, but I am feeling better. And today I feel fan-damn-tastic. Which just helps me to gauge how removed I really was for a while. How we really were just going thru the motions and holding our breath. How thick the tension was in our house hold and how it really was effecting all of us. Lance sounds better since he has gotten back to work; like his man card has been placed in his back pocket. Mind you it is a bit tainted with being at walmart - but welcome to growing up and eating the situation when you have too.
My sister has moved out and has been working on getting settled with the kids. Even though hers is a little more solid, she too is flying solo. And as scary as it is for her, she seems to be doing well. So as continue to encounter our little bumps in the road the glimmer of hope is shining brighter these days.