Monday, July 27, 2009

When -

When does it stop?

-When do we stop thinking we are not enough?
-When do we stop thinking we cannot meet society standards?
- When do we stop trying so hard to be someone else?

-Why are we just not enough?
Not enough time, not enough money.

Not enough luv'?

This weekend a friend of ours (not really close) was found dead in his garage.
In an effort to maintain some level of compassion for this man, I will not spill the gory details - but the death was intentional. It is sad, it is tragic and surreal.

I feel like I am in the twilight zone. I feel like the neighborhood where this family lives is drinking toxic cool-aid from the same drinking well.

Is it a sign of the recession? Or just reality catching up with people? Is it a list of bad decisions catching up with an individual that they wake up disgusted by the person they see in the mirror?

The small block along the lane in this subdivision is falling apart at the seams, even before this tragic accident. The man and his wife were having issues, they were splitting up. With three kids involved it become very complicated. He did afew bad things, she had enough. I liked them both as people - enough said. I would have never pegged them for extreme choices.

Across the street is a home where approx a year ago, the young women in the house also lost her husband - in a tragic accident. My sister found this man dead at the bottom of a hill. And still deals with the pain and emotion that surrounds finding someone dead and losing a good friend.

In some strange god like way, these two women whom have lost their husbands end up in a 2 hr car ride together over the weekend. I say strange, because in the natural way of the world, they would never cross paths - let alone end up a car ride together. I pray the find comfort in each other and might be surprised by a friendship.

How strange it is that it takes something so tragic for you to find out who your good friends are. Or that you find friends you didn't even know you had.

My sister has been dedicated to keeping the women company, she has not left this ladies house for the last two days. My sister has been her rock in these tragic times. Last year my sister found her best friends husband dead, this tragic loss cannot be easier on her either. My heart aches for her at the moment. My sister has been the rock, for two women who have lost their husbands. My sister has been the source of comfort and support and has had to see things and do things that will haunt her forever. I pray she is strong enough to process it all. I am not sure I could be, but I guess in these situations you have to be. We are the women, and we are always finding strenght we never knew we had.

I am doing what I can from a distance. I have brought food, stayed 4 to 6 hours at the ladies house trying to keep them all company. Sometimes just having someone around is a good source of comfort. My mother is also helping from a distance, the best way a mother can. Yesterday she took my sisters kids and my kids to the country for afew days so we would have the flexibility to stay with this women and attempt to help her sort thru this mess and tragedy.

Yesterday, as I field phone calls from family, friends and the funeral home I find myself in auto mode. Trying to protect the lady who is sleeping for the first time since she arrived home. I find myself talking about cremation, about a guy, I expect to walk thru the door any moment.

We find ourselves going thru his packed van - he was leaving on Monday to start his new life. We find HIS stuff and I am almost afriad to touch it. The feeling of wanting to puke never leaves. The feeling of wanting to cry is never very far away.

I look around the room last night and this is the mental picture.
Me - wondering why am I here. Then I see my sister across the room, dead tired in the arm chair staying put to support her friend. I then see the women who just lost her husband and is left behind to pick up the pieces for herself and her 3 kids. I think 'god help her' and say a small prayer.
My second thought is I need to see my own husband because the thought of living a life without him saddens me beyond words. This drives home the fact that we never know what tomorrow might bring, so live today like it maybe your last.
Then I see one more person - my sisters other friend who a year ago lost her husband. Then I remember why this seems a bit familiar to me. I have been here before - about a year ago. Hanging on the outskirts of a neighborhood tragedy. These ladies will need each other and may be surprised to find how much they have in common. They may also be surprised at how much people really do care, and where their true friends are. There maybe some good things to come out of this, but they maybe blinded by tears at the moment too see it.
I feel helpless and at a loss.............

But I did go home last night determined to fight a little hard at keeping my marriage strong, and letting lance know that no matter what happens I don't ever want to this without him. Her tragedy pushes me a bit closer to loving my husband and for that I thank her.

It has also made me realize how strong my sister really is, and how much hurt her heart has seen and carried recently. Some of the tears I cry these days are for her, but in return I feel joy for the women she is becoming right before our eyes. As I told the ladies yesterday about my sister and I quote " She is RockStarr. We luv to hate her, and her attitude sucks - but she is good to the core, and the best friend anyone could have.' If you are luck enough to have seen a glimpse of her for real, you will be surprised, amazed and in luv with her. She does not let anyone 'in' - but when she does you are there for life.

Please keep all of these ladies in your prayers - they each have a heavy burden to carry. I hope they realize:
When to cry on the shoulder of a good friend
When to share a glass of wine and a good story with a good friend
When enough is really enough
When all of it really does not matter........keep the money, fortune and fame. Give me good friends and family.

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