Monday, August 17, 2009


Ever wonder why we keep on making the same mistake?
Like recently when I took Lance to a work function last week and once again he acted a fool.
Deep down I knew better than to ask him, let alone bring him.
So grab your best cup of joe, or your fav' beer and take a moment to thank god you are not me.
I get tickets from a work consultant to a luxury suite at a recent cardinal game.
*for the record I am not a game girl - I don't drink beer, I get bored, and the seats hurt my butt after too long. As a rule of thumb I just don't go. Lance and Rylan go to at least 3 games a year. Lance is a game freak, he prob goes closer to 5 or 6 times a year w/ friends. *
So I get the kids arrangements made, get home from work early and mind you I have to work the next day. The game is a Wed night game, and my butt has to be to work on Thurs for a 7 am staff meeting. I already want to gauge my eyeballs out, I HATE 7 am staff meetings - who does that shit?
So we go to the game, there are alot of older people in their sports jackets and dockers. um, not us - no Lance wears his hat, flip-flops and cardinals t-shirt. I wear some jeans and a t-shirt.
Fine, no big deal........It is a cardinals game.
Lance starts drinking the free beer, but does not eat the free food. He does not want to kill the mood. By 2nd ing he is whistling from the back row and yelling towards the field in the back of this old couples head. You can seem the physically flinch every time he stands up. I walk over and calmly tap his shoulder, and ask him to tone it down a notch. He listens for like a mil-second. He lets me know we are at the game and 'they' need to get over it.
Then I see him wander back to get a beer out of the fridge, then he never comes back. He is in the back talking w/ a group of guys. My radar goes off, I start eyeballing him and a lady waves me off. The lady, who knows I am worried about Lance lets me know the guys he is talking too are ' guys - guys' and I have nothing to worry about.
I half smile at her, but know in the back of my head this night is gonna suck.
I pull up a seat on the other side of the barr next to this big guy. He leans over to me and laughs and says ' this is too easy, Lance is just walking around w/ a target on his head. Watch this one.'
The guys says' hey Lance.'
'What 'Lance replies
What do you get when you cross a Mexican and an Asian worker?
Lance looks at the guys sideways, the big guys states ' a local 1 union worker' then he erupts in laughter.
Lance on the other hand erupted in a long string of foul words.
I hang my head low, shake it and hold up my hand in a motion for him to take it down a notch. cool off and perhaps stop drinking.
Just about this time a cute little 24 yr old girl hops around to Lance's side of the barr to get a beer too. *mind you she works for the company that invited us*
She bends down to get a beer and all guys immed look at her arse.
Lance acts as if he is going to slap it.
I shake my head and state 'don't you dare'.
The big guy next to me says ' i DARE you.'
Lance takes a moment then the big guys sees Lance hesitate then he states 'You are a big chicken, you don't have it in you.'
Right then Lance slapped this girl on the butt.
On top of slapping her on the butt he comments on what a nice butt she has and thinks maybe he should feel it again.
She immed. get her beer and gets the hell out of dodge.
The entire group of guys are laughing, I am humiliated and mortified.
I make Lance apologize and he does a half ass apology. You know the one, where you make them. He has some stupid sheepish grin on his face and attempts an i'm sorry.
I find the girl outside and apologize a few other times, feeling like a dumb ass.
I go back to get Lance stating how inappropriate it was to play grab ass at a work function, let alone to play grab-ass in general. He states, ' I had too, they dared me.'
*they are really all 12*
They DARED you, dear god, like I give a rats ass.
Then he goes on, 'besides the dare Michelle, she asked for it. I mean for real she bent over right in front of me, '
At this moment I walked away. Mortified, humiliated and trying to figure out how to save face tomorrow with the consultant. Anyone have a local husband or brother I can take to work functions, because Lance is officially NEVER allowed to attend another one.

1 comment:

Farrell said...

WOW. Never again!!


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