nine years ago today, I went thru my morning as if it was just another day.
I remember attending class, it was a Saturday class and I had a final.
Lance and I were living in an apt in Webster Groves, and by the time I had made it home he was gone.
Growing up, I never wanted to be a princess, or get married and have a big wedding w/ all that stuff. I never really thought about the white picket fence, or if I did - I imagined the fence on fire. (ha!). I just was not that girl. I never really pictured myself with children, actually the thought of having a child terrified me. I could barely wipe my own a*s, how was I going to really take care of anyone else?? So the thought of having an actual wedding day left me a bit perplexed. It left me not really sure what to do with myself.
I was determined to take a bath, relax and enjoy being alone. I was going to enjoy being Michelle Bates for one last moment. I didn't have any real second thoughts about becoming Mrs. DePew later that afternoon, but I wasn't sure I was completely done being Ms. Bates. I luv'd my life, luv'd my then job, and was living life like a rock starr. I made my own money, got to travel and had a boyfriend that I totally dug. Plus during that time he traveled too, so when we final got to see each other we were super happy to be together. He was gone alot, on the road so it felt like one big date night all the time. The screeching halt came when the prego stick had two lines, he jumped for joy and I hesitated. Whoa mama.
So we jumped in with both feet, not completely unaware of who we were or what each of us stood for, there were no real surprises.
I take that back, there have been a few surprises.
Having Rylan sent us into a whirlwind, we were both rallying to keep some resemblance of our 'old' life. We had to muck thru that for awhile. Then buying a house and a car, like real adults. Then the idea of having a second child. Well, it was always his idea, but it took alot of coaxing for me. We have had good times and bad in our last 9 years.
More good than bad, I think.......no, I am sure.
That day I remember not being nervous, I remember nothing being conventional about the whole ordeal. I gave everyone a 3 week notice and by the time I informed my family (aka my mom), I had already booked the church, hired the singer, picked the date and gotten rings.
No amount of crying or whining on my mothers part would change the dynamics of the soon to be wedding. Well, one topic I did give in on was getting my own dress. In the beginning I was determined to just wear my sisters. The reality of it was, I was just going thru w/ the church gig to keep my mother semi-pacified. But in hind site I am glad we did have a church wedding.
And now that my sister has 3 girls and I have 1 perhaps we both needed our own dress as well. (yes, that is my small way of telling my mother she was right *cring*).
As much as i hated it at the time, 9 years later I look back on that day and I smile.
My father got to walk me down the isle, my mother got to cry in public (ha!), my family surrounded us in support in luv and we have plenty of memories to share with my children.
Today we spent our evening talking about our day, cooking dinner and hanging out with our children. If you would have told me that 9 years ago, this would be life, I would have laughed. Prob. out loud and hard - big o'laugh. But today, it seems natural, it seems comforable, safe and secure. Being married to someone that you still dig and luv takes some work, but for the most part it comes together like a zipper, one notch at a time, but seamless and tight The zipper that holds together the memories of our life, the fabric of our being.
Nine year ago today I said 'I do' to becoming Mrs. DePew. It is one of the best choices I have ever made. So for you, it may have been just another day - but today was my Anniversary..
The day I gave up being Ms. Bates and became Mrs. DePew. If I had to give up my madien name and my old life, then I guess this gig is not too bad.........nope, not to shabby at all. It is a work in progress, we take it one day at a time. Praying for a life time of love and happiness. Praying that the good days get us through the bad.