I am a pathetic mess these days.
I know it has taken me ForEver to post, part of me just didn't want to, and part of just couldn't. It seems I have so much to say, but alot of it just seemed like nonsense.
Work is work, at the moment. I am taking my time and trying to get all of my ducks in a row. This is a process, and maybe a LONG process.
*Nothing like fighting for your job in the middle of a damn recession.
Anyway......here's what I know.
Over the weekend my best childhood friend came over for a night with her two girls. Her drama made mine seem like a cake walk. Her life and struggles are hard for a person to imagine. We sat around the table Sat night and joked, 'we could make our millions by writing your life story.' I sat there at my table feeling really blessed and thankful for my family, my husband and my life. Even with all of the work crap, in the scope of things I am okay.
My girlfriend called me and asked if she could come over with her kids, just to get away. She is beyond broke, I told her if she could make it to my house I would give her gas money to get back. By the end of the visit I am not sure who needed it more - her or I. It was so darn good to see her again. It was so darn good to visit with someone who 'knew' me.
We laughed about where we were 15 yrs ago, and how we never thought our lives would be as they are today. We laughed about being in grade school, and being dorky, and boys, and nights out - all of the good stuff, I think I forgot. The small trip down memory lane was nice.
It is funny, my memory lane includes this best girlfriend and my husband. We all pretty much grew up together and here we are years later staring at ourselves in our 30's with kids running around. Who knew?
She came over because she needed me in ways that I could deliver, so I did. We thru my closet, went thru the kids clothes, my sister gave her clothes, I fed them and gave her some money and a hug. She looked at me and said 'what is all of this for?' My response 'because I can.'
She looked up at me 'I cannot t' I cut her off right there......'I think the polite thing to say is thank you.' She smiled and enough was said. I did not do it all to be thanked, I don't want to pat on the back. I just wanted to see my friend. I just wanted to hang around the table for hours with a drink or two and talk. We sat in the guest bed the next morning and drank our coffee, we put mattresses on the floor for the kids. We had a great big slumber party, and in the process I was relived to not think and just be. I should be thanking her........
In the mean time I have caught a cold, I feel like hell. I have not begun to x-mas shop, I don't have lights up, nor have I put up a tree. We have big plans this weekend to get most of it done - we will see. So any day now, things could start to look up. Any day now......