It is sufficient to say that Lance and I are both stressed out, and we are taking it out on each other. Shouldn't we be bigger than that - well, perhaps, but the reality is we are not.
We are still 12 and 15 at heart.
So the other night I was asking him if he wanted to go to a conf with me in Seattle during June/July, and rather than having a pleasant conversation, we got into a fight. A big fight - which still baffles me.
*As a rule of thumb, we try not to fight in front of our kids, we also try not to curse in front of them. As a golden rule he is not allowed to be disrespectful to me in front of our children. I don't want Rylan to think he can treat women in a disrespectful manner, and I never want Pyper to think it is okay for a man (boyfriend/husband) to treat her with anything other than respect.
Needless to say, we broke all of the rules that night. And I was angry beyond belief.
For one, I don't think he was really angry about the conference, he is just angry these days. Actually, unhappy - with work.
Um...me too - join the damn club and grow up.
Bottom line we are still not talking much...and this morning I noticed a small circle spot on my back. I asked him to look at it and he responds, 'yeah, you have a circle thingy' there, it looks stress related.'
Whew, great, I was beginning to think my body hadn't noticed how 'off' things have been.
Just want I need another 'spot' to be worried about.
So, I guess between working 6 days a week, fighting with the hubby and caring for the kids, I should try to find time to see a damn doctor.
Lance is home today with the kids, and I thought about staying home with them all.
You know, I had visions of sledding, carebears and sunshine. But the reality of it, we would prob just all fight. So, I took a shower, slush thru the crap and came into work. Is that bad?
Maybe, but which is worse, trying to force it. I just don't have the energy to force it. We are not happy today, we will see what tomorrow brings. Until we both find some balance and figure things out with work, we will prob just keep some distance, it seems easier that way.
Having bad days and down times, in no way equals a lack of love. We are fine overall, just struggling. And we both do it so differently. I need to talk it out. Well, news flash - he hates to talk. And when he does, he basically sucks at it. In the meantime I just hope I don't get any more spots. If so, then he will need two black eyes to match my two spots, I think that is only fair. Because we all know he caused them......(see I am 15 at heart!).
*just venting and praying for better days.