Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Courage or dumb? Cannot decide....

Last night I was restless, sleepless, and down right amped up over the series of events at work. I tried to sleep, I laid down, closed my eyes - but my mind would not shut off. I could not get the damn thing to calm down, shut down. I kept going over situations, scenarios and possible letters I was going to write.

I had it all planned out on my way into work. I was going to stand my ground, call a meeting with my boss and explain how in appropriate his actions were yesterday. God must have been shining down on me, because prior to making my way to his office, I glanced at my approved job duties and low and behold I don't need his approval or endorsement to issue the budget.
He was totally off base yesterday and I had it in writing.
Not to mention that the mayor put him in his place thru out the day yesterday. This only supported my cause, which is good for me. Not to mention it gave me another level of confidence.
My goal today was to stand up to this man AGAIN. So, I squared my shoulders, dug deep, marched into his office, requested a third party attend, and demanded a meeting. He glanced at me, agreed to the meeting and I began. * I summed all of the courage I thought possible. I seemed to be on auto drive.
I let him know I was well within my right of issuing the document in the manner in which I did. I informed him that my office does not take it lightly when any throws around the word 'fraudulent' information. As he implied yesterday that my office issued fraudulent information. He will need to choose his words more wisely. I am by no means going to continued to be subject to his emotional rants. I continued to let him know that I have spoken with the City Attorney, Pres of the Board and the Mayor.
His tone today changed. He was apologetic, semi defeated and deflated. I informed him that I was not looking for an apology. I will not be met at my car in the parking lot, and escorted to his office, as if I am begin led to the principal to be scolded. I don't mind being wrong, I do make mistakes, I own up to my mistakes - but yesterday was a result of his inability to control his emotions. Case and point, he told the Pres of the Board that he could not wait for me to arrive to work because he was going to 'rip into me'. So I called him on that statement as well.
I was prepared for a fight, instead I got a defeated man. My goal is not to defeat him, just to address his bulling tacts head on.
Was I scared, HELL YEAH. But now that it is over, I am encouraged that I did the right thing. I am feeling better and no longer amped up.
Stress is such a waste of my emotions. such a waste of my time.
I am not sure if it was the right thing to do, but I knew that I could let the situation go with out addressing it. It could be the dumbest thing I have ever done...to date.
I am sure others will follow.
* I am my mother's child, and I have alot of my father in me. Neither one of them would not have taken this abuse. That i can be sure of, I just am not sure if I acted more like my mother or my father. I am re-active like my mother - but I tried REALLY hard to take some time to think about my approach, and to not be too emotional. I 'think' that was more like my father.
****************************************************

Last night, I decided not to go to football practice. It was wet and raining. So, Pyper and I stayed home. We decided to take a bubble bath, together. In my state of mind yesterday, I thought it was a good idea, I needed a calgon moment. Why I thought getting in the bath w/ bubbles and two year old was a good idea - i can only contribute to lack of common sense.
We climbed in and she eyeballed me from the other side. You know the look, the one that says what in the hell are you doing??
I smiled at her, and attempted to let the water surround me. I NEEDED a calgon moment. Throw me a damn bone.
After we finished making eyes at each other, we moved on to body parts. Dear god, child. Okay, not such a good idea. If I had to say one more time, 'this is my body, and this is your body.' 'Yes, those are my boobs, we don't' touch.' one more time I thought I was going to scream.
She would poke and giggle - poke and giggle. Then she decided to splash. Dear god. So I got out, and she started swimming. Thrilled that she now had the tub to herself. As I got out I could hear her singing, 'boobs, boobs. mommy's boobs. these are mine, those are hers'.
*Great, how will I explain that one to the sitter?
Once she got out, we decided to make banana bread out of our rotten banana's. She was thrilled. She pulled her chair over the counter, and away we went. That was the moment I was looking for. Cooking -good idea, bath w/ two year old -BAD IDEA.
Next time I need a calgon moment, I will wait until everyone is asleep.

4 comments:

Farrell said...

I'm proud of you!

Anonymous said...

I ended up at your Blog while trying to find the author of "Those who stand for nothing, fall for anything". I ended up reading it, rather than clicking back - and I am glad I did. At this moment, I am being persecuted at work - my boss is a control freak. She is this way she is because she is insecure and fragile and this is the only way she can react and maintain control. At the same time I was reading (http://www.explorefaith.org/prayer_meditation/prayer/why_how_when_to_pray/the_lords_prayer/forgive_us_our_sins.php) - interesting combination of enlightenment this morning. I take from both the courage to stand up for myself and the understanding that she needs forgiveness as well. Many thanks for your timely post. Respectfully, D.A.

Terra said...

I am also proud of you, and I can't tell you how liberating it is to see someone that is willing to stand up and say "NO" when it is appropriate to do so. I am equally proud of the fact that you thought it through before you made a move. (If only we all did that when we could.)

As for the bath... Don't try it at 5,6,7, or onward either. Why they might act a little better about it, it just isn't that soothing moment you were looking for. (Just staring without comment can be unnerving as well.)

Would have loved some of that banana bread. :)

A Buns Life said...

Proud of you too!

Why on earth would you think that taking a bath with her would be relaxing? Have you NOT learned anything yet as a parent??? :)

Kids

Kids
Nieces & Nephews and Kids...