Friday, March 7, 2008

Pyper Eva DePew turns 2 this weekend

Well, Happy Birthday baby....I struggle with where to begin on this one. When your brother was turning 5 we decided to 'try' again for another child, much to my hesitation. To say that I was terrified about having another child would be putting it lightly. As side from the fact that we ran a 50/50 chance of you being cleft, I just wasn't sure we could handle a 'baby' again.

I had several moments which triggered me into motherhood once again,

- one your brother - he deserved the chance to grow up with someone else, someone to lean on in tough times, someone to discuss how 'crazy' his parents are, and someone to share his childhood with. I personally love my siblings and could not imagine life without them. We grew up really close, and share memories and emotions that only we understand.

Lance too, he is one of 6 children - he could not fathom the idea of an only child. Actually the idea of Rylan being an only child broke his heart.

-A Significant incident that threw me over the edge - my best friend (since childhood) was an only child and lost her mom. She sat in the front row at the funeral home all alone. Sure, she had aunts, uncles, cousins - but no one else to help her make the final decision, no one to grieve with openly. I never wanted Rylan to sit in the front pew all alone.
I imagined myself being there grieving the loss of one of my parents and clinging tightly to my siblings. The comfort I would find in just hug or a slight glance from someone who understood that level of loss.

Lance and I made a deal while lying in bed one evening. If the child we were having was not 'cleft' then we would not find out the sex of the child. We would be surprised. I spent 20 weeks holding my breath. We go in for the ultrasound - me, Lance, Rylan and my mother. Emotions ran high and there you were on the monitor; doing somersaults. (I should have known then you would be a high energy child. Perhaps I should have laid off the coffee, too.) We could see your hair floating above you, as your arms and legs moved freely inside my tummy. I lay on the table and cried - tears of excitement, fear, and love. I silently thanked god that you had two arms, two legs and a beating heart. It was determined that you were not cleft effected. We were overwhelmed with emotions - you were perfectly healthy.

The office practically had to kick your Nana out of the room, because she would not leave the technician alone about finding out the sex of the child. Nana even went as far as to practialy 'bribe' the technician. The deal was, no one would find out - and we were sticking to it.

We were scheduled to be induced with you, because I am impatient and could not wait any longer. We went in on a Wed night. Your Nana and Pa drove up from the country and so our night began....we checked in at 8pm and by 11am the next morning you were here. Once we got close, your Pa excused himself, as your Nana and daddy each grabbed one of my legs.
Preparing to push, I hear everyone exclaim - wow, look at all the hair (they were talking about you - of course). *I must say, that is not something a 'girl' wants to hear in that position with her mother and husband having a full shot of my unmentionable. Your birth was 'easy' and pleasant. You arrived and everyone shouted 'It's a girl' (just like in the movies). Your dad and Nana were crying as I lay in the bed exhausted from the birth and roller coaster of emotions. A girl, 'goodness' I thought. What am I going to do with a girl?

We tried breastfeeding - we could not breastfeed Rylan due to his cleft (near impossible). You were like a shark, you latched on and so the feeding began. Until I realized that you latch on wrong, and within 48 hours I thought I was going to die every time you got hungry. I cringed to think that your little mouth would even get close to me. I lasted a mere 4 weeks, every time you came near me I didn't see a little girl, I saw a piranha coming towards me ready to inflict pain. It was best for both of us that we introduced the bottle.
You are a ray of sunshine in our house. Your smile can light up the room in an instant. Your personality is one of a kind, you demand every ones undivided attention. You have a fierce love for your brother, that even I am surprised by. The 5 year age difference doesn't seem to extreme when you two are chasing each other around the house giggling with pure joy. I catch myself holding my breath at time trying to capture the small moments when I can see straight to your soul. Your outgoing personality keeps me on my toes. I pray that I don't try to stifle you, as you grow up. I pray that I let you find your self at your own pace and don't try to shove my personal opinions down your throat. You will be my learning curve, as you grow older. Even at two I find myself struggling to embrace your outgoing personality - for fear that your ability to capture everyone's attention could turn horribly wrong in an instant. I hope I never wear you down to where you lose your ability to express yourself. Your eyes hold the key to your emotions, you will never be able to deny what you are feeling. I love that about you.

I am beginning to wrap my head around having a 'little girl'...and getting excited about what the future might hold for the two of us. I hope you remember the times we played, colored, went for walks, laugh so hard we practically peed, watch movies and snuggled on the cough.

I hope your childhood is not tainted with timeout, yelling, strict rules, and a mom that cannot control her own emotions. I hope I can guide you in the 'right' direction without stifling you and your dreams. As we enter into year number two, I look forward to you finding new words - ( I am ready for something other than why / what.) , exploring the world around you and finding joy in the little things. Last night we made pizza and you loved just spreading the sauce, playing in the cheese and eating the bacon. You are teaching me to let go of the daily stress and find joy in the little things. And helping me to keep finding that 'kid' inside of me one smile at a time.

Thank you to the people who find joy in being around our family. To our caregiver who doesn't just watch my kids, she loves them as if they were her own. Pyper is smart, loving and entertaining because you help us guide her, and for that we thank you. We could never pay you enough for the impact you have on our lives. My heart is at ease when I drop her off, because she loves to go. Pyper loves to show up because she knows she gets to be herself and everyone loves her for it.

Happy Birthday little girl..........may all your dreams come true.


Farrell said...

SUPER SWEET! I loved every moment!
You only left one thing out: How'd you come up with her name??!?

Michelle said...

Her name came from her Dad.
I wanted to name her 'Scout' - he was against it. So the deal is, if you can come up with something better we can talk. Lance watched Charmed (for the girls), and commented on the name Piper, we changed it up to Pyper. And there it was, it was perfect.
Eva is his mother's middle name, she is sort of her name-sake.
*Lance also came home with Rylan's name, I wanted 'Tate'.


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