Monday, March 31, 2008

unlikely support:

This weekend is hopefully the end of my CRAZY weekends for a while.
Lance left Friday afternoon to go to the country to go on a 4-wheeler ride. He was gone Friday - Sunday. He arrived Sunday afternoon, just in time to attend Rylan's birthday party. He was there, but barely functional.
Saturday night I kept my sisters kids, and had the neighbor kid over to watch movies. So, I had 7 kids and no hubby. It turned out to be 'fine', but an extra set of hands does help at times.
They kids are all great, but they range in ages from 8 - 2. My sister's youngest, loves my son and husband - he could care less about me. We had a moment on the potty, but other than that we were fine.
Saturday night while winding down, I got a phone call from my brother (he lives in AR). Him and I were really close growing up. We have grown apart over the last couple of years. Between having families and finding ourselves, our lives have gone in different directions and we have not communicated well. That is beginning to change. We are finding ourselves bonding over our youngest sister. Our combined concern for her, now has us talking more frequently. The bottom line, it was nice to speak with someone else who really gets her, who not only finds her lastest actions surprising, but is willing not to place alot of judgment upon her. We are just left wondering 'what the hell is going on?'
My brother's wife said to me ' Michelle, not that you should take this the wrong way. But, I really expected this sort of action out of you or even your brother.' I had to laugh. I am not insulted, I take the comment in stride, because it is laced with truth. A year ago my sister was making crossed-eyes and shooting the you are evil glare at me- for wanting a night out, and wanting to be without my kids for a day or two.
I on the other hand, I have been labeled the 'wild child' for a number of years. I did not marry early in their eyes, I spent alot of time in the bar - mind you I was a waitress. I spent alot of time going out, watching bands, drinking, and seeing things. On top of it all I really enjoyed myself. My pre-kids life was made up of school, work and going out. My adjustment from being single to having kids was a bit hard on me. I liked my life, pre-kids. I have learned to actually love my life now. I am beginning to find out that it is okay (an necessary) for me to take that much needed me time, and not feel guilty about it.

Now that my sister has experienced 'a good time' for the first time in her life, she is beginning to take it to the extreme. She married young, at 18, and had her first kid at 21. By 27 she had 4 kids. Her life choices were not random. She wanted to get married at 18 and wanted kids desperately. She never really liked going out, never really understood what all the hub-bub was about. She was Suzie-homemaker, and damn good at it.
*Then she went to see a band just over a year-a-half ago and has not stopped since. While out she had drink or two and left caution in the wind. I suspect she likes the way she feels when she is drinking, I suspect she feels a sense of relief. I suspect she needs the time out. It has to be nice for those moments to not have to be a mom, sister and or wife. (I. Get. It.) But the flip side to this is that most of the time she cannot walk out of the bar, she cannot find her money, she is subject to random strangers and then still has to get home. This is a normal night for her....drinks, shots, random conversations and no wedding ring. Did I mention that she does wear her ring. (that really hits home with me). She does not want to surround herself with friends and/or family these days because she does not want to have to talk about it. Plus, she does not want to be subject to the judgement and critical bullsh*t that comes with our family. We tend to be intense at times.

My brother states that he cannot get her to return his phone call. Imagine that. He says that he too has heard about her nights out from our cousin and his sister-in-law. Him and i spent alot of time talking about her and how worried we are. Our biggest mistake will be placing judgement on her, and we know that. We recognize that him and I are the last people on earth that should be placing judgement. But we really wish she was reaching out to us.......
How do we reach out her without her shutting down? What will it take to open her eyes?

Last time i spoke to her, a few weeks ago.....I tried to broach the subject the best I could. She asked me ' how come, no one is saying anything to my husband. How come he gets to come and go as he pleases and no one is after him?' My response ' I think your husband is also out of control. I think he too needs someone to tell him to get his head of his arse*. But, you are my sister. And refuse to sit back and watch this train-wreck in the making. I will gladly have the same conversation with him too.'

I have a husband that has a rap sheet 2 pages long. Among that rap sheet are several drinking and driving incidents. He now drives his truck with a Breathalyzer thing in it. His license has been suspended for 10 years, he drives on a hard-ship. This contraception has saved his life and god knows who else. This contraception has saved our marriage and our kids. His 10 year service is up next year. He was young, dumb and stupid. Not some thing he is proud of, but a lesson learned. We are lucky he never hurt anyone.

I cannot safely say my sister will be so lucky................................

She weighs heavily on my mind, and I keep hoping that the weekend phone call is not from the police with a report regarding her.
I hope my brother comes home soon, so we can all get together. I think we really need each other right now.
I never thought I would be saying I hope my brother comes home soon; I figured we had really grown too far apart. Clearly, that is not the case - and for that I am greatful.

1 comment:

Farrell said...

Wow! It's clear WHY she is doing this, at least to some respect; she never got to go wild before. Except obviously, she has a lot more at risk now, with a husband and four kids.
I don't have any advice, but I'll be sending you and your brother strength.
It's good to see that these tough times have brought you two (you and bro) closer together, not farther apart.


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