Wednesday, January 16, 2008


Okay so last night was IT, I lost it. I yelled and screamed until I thought I was going to cry, but alias no tears would come -instead I just got angry. Anger seems to my only mood lately, and that makes me angry (vicious cycle). I need something to give, something other than me.

I have been telling lance for weeks now that I have alot of my plate at the moment. As normal he acts as if he hears me, but then continues to ignore the situation. This is his MO - if I ignore the situation then it will go away.

I stay at work late last night, in lieu of the pending audit. I have to stop off to get diapers, wipes, shampoo, etc - all of those nice things that keep the household going around. You know the things no one else thinks about. If I did not buy the toilet paper, how would these people wipe their butts. And since I have kids, I don't hold them responsible. But Lance could do something other than cook. I get home late last night to find Rylan playing playstation, Pyper watching Shreik, Lance on the couch and nothing done. NOTHING done. No one had a shower, no homework, no dinner, no laundry, no dishes etc. NOTHING.

I scream downstairs at Rylan for him to turn off the playstation and get a shower. I glare at Lance. I begin to undress Pyper and find pj's, pull out homework, look for dinner, switch out laundry etc. Lance asks ' When are we going to the grocery store?'

Me ' We? You mean all of us? OMG.'

Lance 'yeah'.

Me ' The kids have not had showers, it is 7pm, nor have they had dinner or done homework. We all cannot go tonight'.
I am not proud of my actions, but I am stubborn. Angry words shot out of my mouth, only to be met by further angry words from Lance. Two people go to bed angry, not talking, not touching. The Depew house has hit rock bottom...the kids stood in shock trying to determine what was really going on. Rylan laid a soft hand on my thigh, to remind me he was in the room. I looked down and met his eyes only to be ashamed. Pyper stood in the center of the kitchen, forcing a smile looking at the both of us. Hoping that her presence would lighten the mood.
As adults we took the que. The 'save it for later' que. The ' not in front of the kids' que. So here we are one day later, not talking or acknowledging each others existence.

I am not sure how we got the title 'adults'?

I have asked Lance very clearly - 'I need you to talk to, and with me - not at me.'

He does not hear anything beyond 'talk'. He shuts down. If my voice raises, then it is met with his MAN voice. You know the one that is suppose to put me in my place. Then tempers begin flying.

So here I am...

What it is: Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.

Why you do it: You're wired for it. Also, the people around you are pretty damn irritating. (NOTE- I am wired for it, and people are irritating - they know me too well)

Your punishment in Hell will be: You'll be dismembered alive.
(note - can you take my head first....).

I am working late tonight, to get stuff done and half avoiding going home. I just don't want to be there just yet.

Waiting for my life to become Cheery again.


Farrell said...

I'm sorry to say I actually know what this feels like.
Except I couldn't "fix" it.
You need a WIFe, not a husband.
(Okay, well, husbands ARE helpful for certain things, but...)

Anonymous said...

I,m sorry you and your DH (dear husband) are fighting. Check out for lots of tips on getting your house in order and learning to not feel like a martyr.

Barb :)


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