Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Getting older.....

Lance is the youngest of 6 children, his next sibling is 11 years older than him - his oldest sibling is 25 years older than him. He is the youngest by far, his childhood memories are completely different than those of his siblings. They grew up with young struggling parents, where as he was born when his mother was 40. By the time he entered their live they had outgrown some of the everyday struggles, and were able to shower him with gifts, love and affection. His siblings do not have such happy memories.

His siblings have enjoyed watching Lance grow up, he is treated more like one of their children than their brother. They were so happy when he graduated high school, got his first real job and then once he got married. All of his sisters had to come and visit us once Lance 'got his first home'.

I found this strange, our home is not big and/or special, it is a home within our means and it is kid friendly. But his sisters arrived and they just 'gushed' about it. My siblings on the other hand, gave me any their left over furniture so we could attempt to fill the house.

Don't get me wrong, Lance's siblings are great, and they have welcomed me with open arms. They enjoy my kids and stay in constant contact with us...I am lucky to have such great in-laws.

But to watch them gush over him, makes me want to puke - ha! His mother practically does cart-wheels when he comes to visit, and his father is filled with joy just to see us pull up in the parking lot. He has been the privileged child, and a potential brat (at times).

How he ever married me (the middle child), is still a mystery. There are times when I find his wants / needs ridiculous. There are times when I have to put my foot down and tell him that we cannot spend this money, because we are saving for something else. This is prob a result of growing up differently. He never had to share his food, toys and or attention. I on the other had have never known what it was like not to share. So when the kids eat off my plate or want to sit in my lap while we watch tv or share my bed - it seems natural. My sister and I shared a room until I was 12, and I grew up in a house with privacy was minimal.

Lance and I struggle at times to work thru certain situations as a result of our childhood.

However, him having sisters and older parents helped him develop a sense of softness. He has a much better listening skills than I ever have. Plus, he has the ability to be self entertained, I on the other hand find myself at a loss if I am alone for too long.

I think part of his attraction to me was my sense of family (among other things). There is not one holiday when we don't get together, not one birthday we don't celebrate..and if there is a lag in reasons to celebrate, then my family makes one up and have a bbq just to get everyone together.

Lance's parents got divorced when he was 11 or 12, and he was devastated. His siblings were gone and he was left in a home not understanding what was going on. At the age of 15 he moved to my home town to live with his dad. He traveled all the way from El Paso Texas to live in small farm town MO.

In his first day of school he sat in the principals' office waiting to be signed in and I was in the 6th grade heading out to recess. I walked past the glass window and saw this 'new' kid sitting there. He was the cutes kids I have ever seen, plus he was a bit edgy and older. He had spiked hair (which no one had), he was tan, he was tall, he worn clothes that were not from around town and I thought he looked totally cool. Even from far away you can get a sense of softness from him, and a sense of easy-going, that just added to my 6th grade affection.

I looked at my best friend and said 'I am going to marry that man'. Of course it was 6th grade 'love' and nonsense....but something inside of told me that he was it. He was my first for alot of things, love, sex, heart-break and stability. I feel as if we truly have come full circle. He is my best friend and like friends we fight, and don't always get along. We truly enjoy each other company, and grow closer to each other as we get older. I think we are both surprise at how much we truly enjoy our current life. I personally am surprised at how well things have turned out...we really did have potential to live on welfare, in a trailer with 8 kids. We had potential to struggle with meth habits and bad friends and bad teeth. We had potential to go no-where together.

But somehow we managed to grow-up find ourselves and contribute to society. Who knew?

We dated all thru high-school, we were sweethearts..I remember when he got his drivers license, when we went to prom. And now he turns I look at him and see hits of gray hair and wrinkles. Where did the time go? I see him light up with joy when our children enter the room, I catch his glance from across the room and I am filled with a sense of love, I see him loving his life with no regrets. Happy 35th Birthday from you wife with love.....I am looking forward to another 35 years.


Farrell said...

OH MY GOD! You guys have been together since SIXTH grade?!?!?! that is amazing.

A Buns Life said...

So sweet. I can't imagine being with ANY of the boys I dated in high school. :)

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