Monday, June 2, 2008

Heavy Heart....

Dear god, if you hear me PLEASE give me strength, wisdom and the words to keep my children safe.
I know this first line is really sobering, but I am 'afraid' my son is being abused by the neighbor boy (who is only 8). If you are not looking for a 'downer' today, then stop reading.
If you continue to read, and could offer me a bit of advice, I could use it..........

My neighbors are weird, they have ALWAYS been weird - I think they are swingers and were feeling us out the first two years we lived there. But since 'we' gave no indication of wanting to talk about our sex life and did not prompt them to continue with half-ass drunk advances, they began to leave us alone. For the most part, Lance and chalked it all up as a couple that were a bit more open about their bedroom activities than we were. But keeping it in the back our minds. We don't hang out with them, we are polite and say hello if we see them, but nothing else.

They have two kids a 15 yr old boy and an 8 yr old boy. Both of these kids make my skin crawl. The 15 yr old boy saw me walking across my lawn last year, I was heading inside and he asked me 'are you going inside to have sex'. I stopped dead in my tracks and replied 'that is completely inappropriate'. He half ass apologized, and went on about his business. This year he has been expelled from school, although I don't know the particulars. He has level of deepness and darkness that i cannot put my finger on.

His younger brother also makes my skin crawl and he is only 8. He is always trying to get my daughter to take her clothes off, trying to get her to be naked around him. He wants to see her 'boobs'. Lance and I are very mind full when this child is around. When Rylan has nothing else to do, he doesn't mind playing with the 8 yr old neighbor boy. The neighbor boy 'makes up' games to play, and wants Rylan to play. They always play at our house, because I won't let Rylan go inside their home. Two months ago they boys were downstairs playing and I went to check on them. I walk down the steps and find the door shut (umm, we DON"T shut doors), I creep slowly and open the door and find the lights off as well. I walk up on my son sitting in a chair and the neighbor boy behind him very close to him with is hand placed on his upper thigh, very close to his genitals. I promptly ask the boys ' what are you doing?'
Rylan looks startled, and the neighbor boy looks half pleased and begins spitting out lies. I look Rylan right in the eyes, tell the neighbor boy to shut it and state, 'we don't shut doors, turn off lights and touch other people in our house.' Rylan half in tears says ' mom, the neighbor boy was showing me how to play a game.' I look at Rylan (trying to be soft) ' we don't play games where little boys touch each other.'

Rylan states 'we weren't mom....we weren't mom.' I don't want him to be frantic, so I tell them to get their butts outside and no more playing inside. I tell the neighbor boy ' in my house we don't play those games.' He shrugged his shoulders and left as if nothing happened. In my heart I know this boy is 'teaching' my son how to no longer be an innocent 7 yr old.

I go over to speak to his parents.....they seem unmoved by my conversation. Asking me 'did you really see anything? Our son has a BIG imagination, if he says he was playing a game, then perhaps you read more into the the situation.'

*umph. Note to self - these parents are not going to help control the situation. And for the most part they are right, I don't have any proof of anything wrong; BUT my intuition tells me something is WRONG.

Which leads me to this past Sunday. I need to go to the store, the neighbor boy is over and wants to watch a movie with Rylan on the plasma TV. I say 'okay' - thinking we have an understanding, and knowing that Pyper will be safe because she is with me. As i am headed out to the car I tell Lance ' be sure to check on those boys.' I get the -yeah, yeah nod.

I get home, put groceries away and creep down to check on the boys. The TV is so loud they cannot hear me coming. I cannot find them in front of the TV, rather I find them in Pyper's bed under the covers. The lights are off, my eyes have not adjusted to the light so I cannot tell what is going on. But in my heart I know that something was going on. I flip the light on, they shift out from under the covers and look startled. It takes all I have not to lose it.......
I ask ' what is going on??' 'What are you boys doing in Pyper's bed?' 'Rylan - YOU know better.'
Rylan ' he was showing me a game under the covers.'
the hair on my back stands up, and I glare at the boy. Who, by the way, was sitting on the bed indian style acting as cool as can be. He was smug, he was acting as if he knew there was nothing I could do about it.
I tell them to get out of the bed, pick up the pop-corn and turn the movie off. The neighbor boy gets up fast and heads home, before i can even turn around.

I look at Rylan, my heart is hurting and state ' You are not allowed in the beds, under the covers or to turn off lights. Plus, little boys do not touch little boys.'
His face falls, he does not protest - he just looks aways and nodds. I continue ' Little boys don't touch little boys and they don't touch little girls. The neighbor boy is not allowed to touch you or Pyper.' I continue ' Rylan the neighbor boy is not allow to touch you, nor is his older brother. It is not nice.' I ask 'has his brother touched you??'
I fear the answer. Rylan looks slightly shaken and he states 'no.' flatly.
By reading his little body language, I know I need to stop. I hug him, tell him I love him and ask him to please let me know if anyone EVER touches him. He nodds in agreement. It is overload for him, I can see it. I tell him to go play, and it lightens the mood.
I find Lance, because I am PISSED - I don't believe he checked on them.

*I bring Lance up to speed, and he is angry. I tell him he cannot address this with anger, and he does not need to bring it up - Rylan asked me not to tell him.
So, what does the idiot do???? Two hours later, I am in the kitchen making lunch and Lance is standing next to Rylan and I hear 'were you two boys touching each other?'
Rylan shoots a glare at me *I have broken our trust* - that is what the glare says to me.
Rylan begins to shake his head no. Lance continues ' boys don't get with boys. If they do, they are fags.'
I stand up and tell Lance to SHUT UP.
Rylan begins crying, and I ask what is wrong? He says ' my dad is calling me names.'
I glare at Lance, with the mama bear glance *that one that says, one more word and I will KILL you. I tell Rylan to go have his lunch. I hug him and tell him his dad SUCKS.

I bring Lance outside and tell him to keep is crap to himself. If he thinks making Rylan feel ashamed is helpful then he is wrong, and I won't confide in him if he is going to be a jackass. I continued to tell him that Rylan does not trust us and 'IF' the older brother or the neighbor boy continues with this behavior Rylan won't tell us. We cannot afford for Rylan NOT to tell us. We cannot make him feel ashamed, we cannot hurt his little heart.
Lance hangs his head low - he didn't think of that. I spout ' you cannot afford to be so dumb. So, keep your macho man bull-shit to yourself and try to protect your son.'

Deep inside of me, I want to chopp the neighbor boys hands off, I want to smack that smug grin right off his face. I am afraid what this may due to my 7 yr old son. No child should have 'sex' thoughts or be stimulated at this age. What am I suppose to do?? Loving my child is not enough to protect him from the world. *I cannot afford for him not to trust me, he has to have someone to tell. Not having someone he can trust could lead him with no-where to go.
I also cannot turn a blind-eye. I will face this 'thing' head on.
I spoke again yesterday with the neighbor boy and let him know that once again, these actions are NOT acceptable. And he will no longer be allowed downstairs and left alone with my children. I told this in front of Rylan. He will not get to walk around thinking that Rylan is the only one getting talked to. Plus, this kid needs to know that I will be watching him like a hawk. I am afraid Lance will hurt the child IF he ever sees him look cross-eyed at Pyper or Rylan.
So, I must tread lightly around my 7 yr olds emotions, and keep his age and mentality in mind as I speak with him. But, where do I go from here??????????????????


Raquita said...

ahh darling michelle - email me

raquita at gmail dot com

Michelle said...

I sent you an email...this morning.
Thanks for reaching out.

A Buns Life said...

I honestly wouldn't even let your children near either one of those boys ever again supervised or not.....and Lance seriously needs to get a grip. Go with your gut. Do you know anyone in the professionally realm that has any experience with this just to see if anything did happen? No matter what, this kid is not following your rules, and at my house, that means that they are not allowed to play anymore.

Farrell said...

Oh honey!! I'm so sorry. My advice is to:
1. trust your gut.
2. never, ever let that boy or the older one near your son again.
I'm so sorry.

Lisa said...

Am so sorry to hear about this, lady! We had something similar. My son is 5 and his ex best friend was 5. I caught them once in Oct. The parents of the boy talked to him and I talked to Seth. Then it happened around January again.(We don't let them close doors at our house either. This boy had closed AND locked the doors.) The child was banished from our house up until very recently. He knew why as did his parents. Course I found out after the second incident this had gone on at the other boy's house as well as ours several times. We had alot of talks with our son about how no one can touch his privates. And he won't get in trouble if he talks to us about this.

If you can't trust that neighbor boy, tell him he can't come over anymore.

Course this might mean someone's abusing the neigbhorboy or has in the past. You might want to call your pediatrician to find out what sort of play is "normal", how to talk with your son about this, and when to call DCFS.

Michelle said...

Thank you, so much to all of the ladies that responded.

*Raquita, we talked off line and I cannot thank you enough.
God Bless!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

There is no way in hell either of those boys would come NEAR my kids, ever again.


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