Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Drama = apology.

Well, my post from yesterday had the phones ringing off the hook.
Someone ran across my post, and was angry, saddened and put off my what I had to say.
And now that i look back i cannot blame them.

*However, I would like to state, as I tried to explain last night. This site is for 'me' - it holds a grain of truth, but the rest is just nonsense. It is a place for me to vent, grip, share stories and photo's - and if my friends, family and extended viewers take all of it to heart then you have missed the spirit of what I am trying to accomplish.

This site is not designed to spread rumors, give the family topics to discuss or hurt any ones feelings. It is laced with humor, loving remarks, and a few off base - not well thought out post.

I must apologize for broadly stating yesterday that about the manner in which Angie may or may not be grieving. I should have never, never, never went there - it was insensitive, shitty and down right wrong of me to go there and place that opinion on a post.

My father states 'opinions are like arse-holes; everyone has one and they all stink.'

My heart aches for her and her loss, I am not sure how she has the strenght to get up everyday and deal with the normal everyday stuff life has to throw at her. And I should have NEVER written anything that would have encouraged others to form an opinion about her. For all of the drama that surrounds the situation, it really is small in comparison to the reality she has to deal with. I don't want for anyone to ever think that she is not like, loved and embraced my 'our' family. And when you enter into a family like this you are subject to 'our' normal family nonsense. Which is at times hard to swallow, and difficult to manage. I did not meant to add to her already hectic life, nor did I mean for her to question my intent as far as she was concerned. I think she is a great mom, and should have said that, yesterday. I think she has been dealt a raw deal and she is dealing with it the best she knows how. I think she is lucky to have my sister and her husband as confidants. I hope she knows in her heart of hearts that I never meant to hurt her, or offend her. I hope she takes the time to read some of my other post in order to get a sense of what I 'do' here on this site. It is not about causing drama, bringing people down, or encouraging others to form opinions about people - positive or negative. It is just a place for me to share things. And yesterday, I should have kept my mouth shut. I know sorry is not enough, and the damage has been done. There will be an undertone of mis-trust, and misunderstanding.

The situation on Saturday is laced with exaggeration, frustration and moments of truth on my mothers part. Which for those of you that know her , is always the case.
Yes, they went to Florida - that is about the only spec of truth.
In speaking with my sister, she indicates that she did try to call my mother several times and was unsuccessful, she did have everything lined out and the trip was not STUPID - but necessary.

I hate to think that I would need to shut down this blog or curve the manner in which I write -because people are unable to separate the moments from the overall picture.
For example, just because I post one day about not liking Lance - does not mean we are getting divorced. Or when I post about being depressed and sad - it does not equal anything other than me having a bad day or a bad moment.

So, hopefully everyone can take it all in stride, when I speak about my sister, brother or friends - know that there are so many good qualities that I fail to mention. There are so many good moments and good thoughts that maybe clouded by the moments of insanity.

If you are unable to separate the moments needing to vent from the overall picture of truth, then I suggest you move on. Do not pick up the phone every time you read something. Or if you feel the need to pick up the phone then call the one person who can change or correct it - that would be me.

Once again I am sorry I offended, angered and stirred unnecessary emotions.
Each post should be alittle more thought out, and I fail at times to take into consideration my audience or lack there of. But once again, I am not looking for an audience, I am looking for an outlet. I am babbling and repeating. I know words hurt, and I am trying to be more aware - my learning curve is steep.
I did not sleep well last night, I hate to think that I contributed to another level of nonsense in someone else's life. Please keep Angie, her daughter and her family in your prayers - separate the nonsense from the truth and take it all with a grain of salt. I like her, I wish her the best, and I hope she finds her way out of this in tact. I pray she is not beat up by my family, and that my random thoughtless words do not tarnish any ones view of who she really is or the struggles she really encounters.
I pray that she will forgive me, and my family - for the rumor mill is rolling; and like everything the sh*t rolls down hill.

Judgement is not mine to cast, and I threw out a net with many holes that need to be filled. This is a small gesture in the scope of things.

I am a big girl, and can own up to being wrong and petty and off base.
*Sorry, just does not seem like enough, but it is all I have at the moment.


Farrell said...

I'm sorry you are having a rough day. The written word can sometimes be taken a different way than the author intended.
You could start a private blog and not use names - not to bash anyone, but because sometimes family stuff in the moment needs to get out so you can move on and get over it........just a suggestion.
Anyone who thinks that if you and Lance get in a tiff and then concludes you are on the way to divorce court is silly! Couples fight! People who live together get fed up with each other at times! It happens. That's life.

Raquita said...

Your post is the whole reason Ipause ebfore including my personal blog with my business one, but I'm an artist - even if it still makes me a bit nervous.
I admire and agree with your stance here though..


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