Slient Prayers...

We are planning on heading to the country this weekend, we will be going to grandpa's house, and Lance will stay the week with him.

The kids and I will travel back Sunday, leaving Lance to spend sometime with his 78 yr old father. On Tuesday, his father is scheduled to have heart surgery...it is suppose to be a simple surgery. But at 78 yrs old, nothing is simple. The doctors have said, he needs to have some additional stints placed around his heart. He has a leaky heart valve, and they are not unrealistic to the fact that once they get in there, they may find other issues. Bottom line, this issue maybe bigger than any of 'think'.

I have not had to deal with alot of death. Nor do I have to deal with elderly parents, my parents are in their mid 50's. So the thought of them dying of old age, is just not at the forefront.

But for Lance, he has never really known the life having young parents, therefore they have always been elderly in his eyes. Lance does not do well with emotions, hospitals, surgery ect.

Since the passing of Lance's step-mom last November, his father has lost his gusto, his zing, his spice for life. Sure he lives. He get ups every morning, brushes his hair, teeth- but nothing much beyond that. He is sad, lonely, and misses his life partner. Grandpa has Parkinson's which has made some of his old hobbies impossible. Therefore Grandpa can no longer paint or build items in his garage. His love for his computer and the table of geology has worn out its welcome and sits in a folder on his desk gathering dust. He does not reach out old family members or friends, he does not get out daily and tool around his property or tend his garden. Rather he sits lonely in his recliner watching Sci-Fi or the History Channel. He placed a photo of him and Nancy over the fire place so he has a perfect view of it at all times. Thoughts of her will bring a tear to his eyes, and cause him quiver with sadness.

Lance and I have been testy this past week. Stepping on each others toes, snapping at each other and letting the distance consume our household. For me it is probably PMS, for him I am sure he is stressed about his dad and the upcoming week. When I go to the hospital next Tuesday, after work to see my husband - he will hug and kiss me with the spirit of a thousand men. He will be glad to see me, and glad to have a moment to get away, and discuss the series of events with the one person who understands him the best. So for now, I let him be testy and short, because tomorrow he may be heartbroken.

I pray that everything goes well. I am not sure emotionally where the loss of his dad may put him.

It would be hard to imagin my family not being able to go to the home that Grandpa built with his own two hands. It will be hard to imagin our lives without this grumpy, slightly off color (at times) man who still gets a twinkle in his eye when he sees his youngest son (my husband) enter his home. Grandpa enjoyes the time we spend togther. Him and I spend countless hours around the coffee table or sitting on his porch. At times he will reach over and give my hand a tight squeeze as if to say 'thank you for being around.' At the end of the night I wish him well, kiss him lightly, and whisper in his ear to tell Grandma Nancy hi for me too.

* Grandpa tells me that he see's Grandma Nancy every night in their bedroom. She vists him, and tells him everything is okay. Grandpa knows this kind of talk is frowned upon by Lance and his siblings, so he appreciates that he can share that small sense of joy with me.

I pray that my family gets more time with grandpa, and that he knows how much he is loved before he goes into surgery. He may not want to come out of surgery, and that is something we don't know how to prepare for.