Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Sinking....

Today i am TOTALLY overwhelmed.

Work sucks, I am so TIRED of adults acting like my 7 yr old son and his friends.
*but he said, she said.
*I am going to take my ball and go home.
* No, no wait I am going to piss on your tree. Not before I get to it first - now we have a pissing match. Grrrr...

It is Wednesday and I have not unpacked from NYC trip. The suite cases sits quietly on my guest bedroom floor half opened from where we have rummaged thru it for certain items. I dig thru it to get my make-up, socks, and presents to distribute. I have also taken out the dirty clothes, so I could wash them, only to discover that we don't have any detergent (grrr).

Did I mention that I arrived home and my vacuum is broken. *grrrr
Not that I am a domestic goddess - far from it. But I do need to vacuum a few times a week to pick up the food that Pyper tends to drop. The damn thing is not fixable so now I have go break down and purchase a new one. I hate appliances, just about as much as I hate shopping.

Aside from work, I am stressed out. I am leaving Sunday for an entire week - again! Next week is my week long conference in Madison, I got a scholarship for it, it is free and a great opportunity.

Pyper is still pissed off that I just left for a short trip to NYC. She tends to be clingy then she is angry. Typical cycles of a two year old who is angry that her mother left her for a few days.
Then I am going to pack up and leave her again. How do I get her to understand?
I cannot.
And that sucks.
***Do you think she will understand when I tell her 'but it is a great opportunity?' Prob, not.

Lance will be fine. I am not worried about him staying with the kids and getting it all done. He is their father, he can do it. Actually he likes to do it- bedtime may be a bit of struggle, but they will all survive. Emotionally I don't know that I will. Evenings are the worst for me when I am away from home. I have visions of her up crying and him not hearing her. Well, he will hear her when she makes her way to his bed and SCREAMS in his ear. But her heart will fall when she realizes that her mother is not there to make it all better. *sigh.

I have a ton of photo's to share, and hope to get to them later this evening.

I feel as if I am having an identity crisis. I hate the way I look, I hate my job currently and nothing seems to make me happy. I stopped taking my medicine a month ago - perhaps that was a bad idea. I have alot to do but feel as if I am not making any headway.

*Damn I hate that feeling.
**************************************************************
Lance just called, just for the hell of it.
* * I asked him what he really wanted.
He continues to say "nothing, just wanted to say hi"...
** I don't believe him. to be con't.

5 comments:

A Buns Life said...

Okey dokey artichokey.....why did you get off the meds??? I don't know if I will ever go off mine honestly. I can barely keep it together even on them. Hang in there, the kids will be fine. Piper won't even remember you being gone in a few weeks. You deserve this trip and you EARNED it.

Michelle said...

Really, I went off them because I 'thought' I could manage it all.
I am truthfully afraid of being on them and having to be on them forever.
Part of me feels that I should be stronger and better balance.
I may be wrong.

Farrell said...

Did we talk about the meds already? Privately, I mean? I've been there done that. I will have to be on them forever, and I am okay with that. Some people are not. but hun - you have a FT job, two kids and a husband; no matter how wonderful they are, that's a lot to balance...email me...
How did you get off the meds? Little by little or cold turkey? Because if it's cold turkey, no wonder. And if not, maybe you're just not ready? There is no shame in that.

Michelle said...

No - I tried slowly.
Just taking 1/2 of the pill then went to .25.

We have discussed it all (on-line) briefly. I am not really ashamed, just freaked out a bit.

i keep thinking i can do it or that I should be able to....*sigh.

Jennifer M. said...

Have fun in Madison, We just got back from there and other places in Wisconsin. It was awesome! Beautiful weather ;) Where is your conference? I found an awesome coffee shop. Hmmmm :)

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