If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything.

Christmas eve I get up in a panick because I remembered that I did not set the phones on the Holiday Greeting. In my mind this was a big deal, because I work for a fire district and it is kind of important if people are trying to records n'stuff if we are not open. Okay, so maybe not SO important, but in my mind I was totally worked up. I look at my kids and Lance and tell them I have to go...I throw on some sweats, slippers and grab some coffee and head out the door. I get in the car, still beside my self, half in thought then as a habit I turn on the raido and it begins playing Dolly Parton's 'Hard Candy Christmas'. I stop mid-thought and I am taken back twenty years or so. I have a huge urge to phone my sister - as a rule whenever we hear this song we call each other. I realize it is 7 am and she prob won't be pleased, but at that moment I want to bottle the song up, put a ribbon on it and send it across the way to her home. Growing up we would stay at my aunt...

Okay folks so we are in the home stretch and the HOLIDAYs are fast upon us. Normally I am a big bah-hum-bug kinda' girl. Nothing has been normal about this year, including my feelings towards x-mas. I got my tree up a week ago, Lance strung lights on my house and I am feeling pretty grounded. It could either be my little blue pill, or the fact that we actually have a handle on x-mas this year. With Lance still not work I have sent him x-mas shopping. I made a list of names and he has spent the last two days tracking around the stores and mall. And for that I am thank-ful - I HATE to shop, I esp. hate to shop around the holidays when all of the crack heads are out, the lines are long and the prices are jacked. Lance on the other hand does not seem to mind it, although he did state last night that he really needed a drink - ha!! I was a bit hesitant sending Lance out with little to no guidelines, I was afraid everyone would end up with Busch beer and beef-jerky. To my surpri...

We are sprinting to the finish line for 2009 and I cannot wait for it to be over. It has had its bright spots but for the most part I am ready to ring in the new year and hopefully a few new happier moments. 2009 seemed to be a year of loss for us, which seems weird - it seems like every other phone call or knock at the door was another dose of bad news. I asked Lance the other day, when I found out that my second cousin had died in a vehicle accident in Texas, if death had always surrounded us and we never knew it or has it really been a bad year? He agreed, it has really been a bad year. The individuals that we lost this year were not old, actually not a one of them died of old age - nor were they expected. The series of events have kept us humble and perhaps given us some much needed perspective during this holiday time. To say that this holiday season will be tough will be an understatement. We are living pay-check to paycheck and sometimes not even making it then. Lance has...

Okay so as I bitch and moan thru 2009 I dug deep to find a little good....good that I thought I would share. Work - thinks are getting better. I am getting my arms around it more and more each day, and starting to feel like someone who deserves to her paycheck, rather than feeling like a complete moron. That folks is a good feeling, as each day passes I dive deeper and deeper into the 'ins' and out's ' of this place. And although it has its dark moments it is by far a better place than my last job. The people are just as nice, the politics still suck, but by far a better place. I am getting grounded and starting to feel like I get it and I belong. Whew - just shy of 6 mths in the making. I am thankful to have a job in this market and the recession. I know alot of Finance people are struggling to get work or keep their jobs, I feel pretty secure that my job will be available regardless of the market. The pay is not top notch but the benefits are great, the fl...

I keep trying to remind myself to count my blessings this year, to take it all in and remember the good. This year has been a REALLY, REALLY tough one, and it seems like it gets worse with each phone call or knock at the door. Last week we had to attend the funeral for our 20 year old football coach. This event rocked us to the core. My son is sad beyond words and my husband even put a suit on. We had only know Kyle and his family for a brief time, but it felt like a lifetime. We spent a lot of time together over the past few months. The loss of Kyle has left us with a lot of sorrow. Lance and I continue to remain close to his father, step-mom and brother - all a constant reminder of what a great guy Kyle was. We spent last week getting food together, going to the viewing, going to the funeral ect. All of these events came with their own level of emotions, and helped to place some items in prospective. Last night we get the news that our babysitters brother was in a car accide...

2009 Halloween was a success at our home. Rylan decided to be a football player for the 2nd year in a row. Pyper decided to be princess with football player make up. Because once she saw her brother with the make-up out she HAD to have some too. Pyper had been telling us and everyone she met that she was going to be Snow White, which was fine - we have two dress up Snow White outfits. As you can tell, she did not end up being Snow White, she decided to be her version of 'Bell' (from Beauty & The Beast). Well, more like Bell the football player. This was the first year that Pyper really 'got it'. She carved her own pumpkin, she dug out all the goo and luv'd the finished product. At the same token, Rylan seemed rather bored with the process. Half way thru his arm got tired, his eyes hurt - blah, blah, blah. This was the first year, we did not stay home in our subdivision. The kids got more crap and candy than they will ever eat, none the less.

So as we were sharing stories about our kids this morning at work, over coffee one of the ladies said 'have any of you ever heard of a bu-thigh (buh-thigh)?' We all looked at each other, our brains churning trying to recall if the doctors ever mentioned an issue with a bu-thigh or trying to determine if it was some new crazy virus. In our morning haze, we all came up blank.....blank, and still blank. Well, apparently it is alot like cankles - you know the cross between your calf and ankles. I know I had them twice, one with each kid. No one could tell where my calf stopped and my ankle began. And today I learned that I have a bu-thigh as well. This is where your butt meets your thigh and no one call tell where one ends and one begins. ahem.....sigh......ahem. As side from being a little depressed about the conversation, and not feeling like this is a term I ever really wanted to learn I gave a little thought to my back-side. Which folks is in sad shape - no need to go ahead ...

So by now everyone has heard that Disney is going to refund anyone who bought a baby Einstein video between 2000 and 2005; which by the way would be a ton of people I know - Including myself. Of course we bought the video's, we watched them - hello bold colors, random movements and silly sounds. My household rather enjoyed them, my son found them to be interesting and they did keep him occupied for a good 10 to 20 minutes - which is mommy world, equals relief. Hell, I would pop in Porky's if I thought it would give me 10 to 20 minutes of relief during the baby, toddler stage. As a consumer, as a parent and as a semi-level headed adult, I never imagined that the videos would actually make my child smarter or create the next Einstein. I found them to be a better option then the Ed, Edd and Eddy cartoon their father insisted on watching. I found that 8 years ago I could tolerate the videos better than Barney the big purple turd. Because during those day, no I did luv barney...

I swear I am married to a morphed form of Martha Stewart and Ed Bundy. I refer to Tuesday as our hell days, these are the days when Pyper has gymnastics and Rylan has football - we run around like idiots. Well this past Tuesday, we were also at the hospital with Lance's dad. So I decided to put on my mom pants and be the one who would run the kids around, normally I am at work and Lance gets it all done. I left the hospital in enough time to go home and catch a quick half hour nap prior to picking up the kids from the sitters. I managed to convince myself that since Rylan wasn't off the bus yet, I could go home and make nice with my couch, open my windows, say a few prayers and attempt to unwind. That lasted like a milla-second. I get the kids, get home and start the Tuesday scramble......start Rylan's homework, find the uniform, find the football crap, feed the kids, pack snacks, pack chairs, pack a cooler, pack Pypers mystery bag of stuff to do for 2 hrs of football p...

Just in case you were wondering I am ready for 2009 to be OVER. It has seemed like the year from hell. Yes, folks...H.E.L.L Lets run thru the short laundry list -recession, has kicked our arse, and drained our savings. -Rylan's surgery, need I say more. *he is a total rock starr, and we are glad it is over. -family, friends, pressure, work ect.; my way of being generic. Here are some most recent events that continue to support my thought that 2009 has sucked. A week ago we got a call that Lance's mom was in the ICU - in Texas. Can we say hello emotional overdrive. We did not hope on a plan and make our way to Texas, we waded thru phone calls and updates. Well actually he took them all, and only dispensed the information after hours of prying and begging. After a week or so it has been determined that she will need oxygen on a full time basis and over all is pretty healthy. Whew! In the back of my mind my thoughts were as follows ' this was the only year, in 8 years th...

Okay, as much as I hate to accept it, we are in sleep hell. Pyper STILL does not sleep all night. She does not go to bed on her own, she falls asleep on the couch with me, then I carry her to her bed. Before I get a bunch of emails about it all, let me just state, that I know I am an enabler. I honestly have not worked on trying to get her to go to bed in her own bed - I just let her lay next to me on the couch until she is snoring. She is such a touchy child, she will feel and twist my hair until her it is wound up tight and knotted up to my scalp. Once she even got her fat little sausage fingers wrapped up in my hair the tip of her finger turned blue. If she hurts me, and I ask her to keep her fingers out of my hair then she will move on to her own. Wrapping and twisting until her little eyes are closed. Prior to bed time I am too wrapped up in wanting to lay in the couch and veg out in front of the TV that I honestly have not made putting her in her own bed a priority. I can ow...

Okay folks flu season is upon us...and the damn H1N1 is all over the place. The flu basically sucks anyway, without this nonsense. My work and my doctor are pushing the vaccine - I am dead set against getting it. I have never gotten the flu shot, nor have my kids. But on the flip side, it could kick our arse or kill my babies. We just got a note from our football team that a kid has been diagnosed w/ the swine flu - a kid that was sickly looking during Sat's game. So in essence we have all been exposed to it and I am bit freaked out. But not freaked out enough to shoot the crap in their arm or up their nose. But honestly I am damn scared! Someone throw me a bone - what are you doing in your household? Is anyone else torn? I met a mom during football who said her son just got over the swine flu last week - his fever was 105. OMG! 105, I almost puked right there. She said it was scary, her son lost 7 lbs - but stayed home and she managed it. I am finding it difficult to imagine P...

men...grrr. men. or at least my husband. The double standard that floats around my house makes me crazy, bonkers - crazy. So this weekend I am going on a 'girls' only trip. I will be leaving Sat morning coming back Sunday. Hello, like 24 hours - no big deal. The entire week he has been making snide comments about how much I get to get out, ect. Sure he is half ass jealous - but for REAL dude; keep it. Last night he started with the whole 'you know you are going to miss the football game.' I knodded in agreement. then he stated 'well, what about Pyper? What am I suppose to do with her?' My reply ' the same damn thing I would do with her at the game - watch her!'. I have yet to tell him that I work happy hour planned for next Wed, I am not ready to catch hell for that one. I need to get thru this Sat first. But for real, if one of his friends calls and wants him to go - he goes. No worries, no what about the kids ect. Plus in Nov he is going to leave for a...

I have been absent lately, and not from lack of things to say, just a lack of how to say it all - and it not come back to either bite me in the arse, or regret how I decided to communicate it all. I am waiting for all of the muck to work its way out of my head, waiting for a little relief, waiting for the full moon that seems to have driven everyone out of their 'effing mind to get back to half cocked rather than full. It seems like the tides, currents and moon have all aliened to throw me curve ball, after curve ball and it has frankly sucked. I feel like a i am walking around with a damn target on my head, and both of my middle fingers are in the up-right position. Because these days I frankly don't care. Folks, that is bad place to be...... I am not one that 'waits' well. I am normally a fixer, normally gett-er done kind of person. But some of the issues are not mine to fix, others came out of the blue because people are CRAZY. (reminds me of that song 'god is gr...

nine years ago today, I went thru my morning as if it was just another day. I remember attending class, it was a Saturday class and I had a final. Lance and I were living in an apt in Webster Groves, and by the time I had made it home he was gone. Growing up, I never wanted to be a princess, or get married and have a big wedding w/ all that stuff. I never really thought about the white picket fence, or if I did - I imagined the fence on fire. (ha!). I just was not that girl. I never really pictured myself with children, actually the thought of having a child terrified me. I could barely wipe my own a*s, how was I going to really take care of anyone else?? So the thought of having an actual wedding day left me a bit perplexed. It left me not really sure what to do with myself. I was determined to take a bath, relax and enjoy being alone. I was going to enjoy being Michelle Bates for one last moment. I didn't have any real second thoughts about becoming Mrs. DePew later ...

My 8 yr old has an email account... My 8 yr old has decided he wants long hair (like Jeff Hardy - the wrestler). This has me wondering who is really running things - apparently not me :). I review his email, see who and what is going on. You like a concerned, engaged parent should do. But I must admit - I find it odd. He was even IM'ing the other night w/ the neighbor girl. So as he sits in his boxers typing with his little 8 yr old fingers, I envision him being 15. Not wanting me to look over his shoulder, not wanting to share his emails with me. I am a bit horrified, so I soak up these moments when he thinks I am okay to see HIS stuff. BTW - he keeps asking for a damn phone. Why? Who in the hell is he going to call. I am adamant about not getting him a phone. Well, that was until Lance took him to the Savis center last month and left Rylan and another kid in their seats while he went to smoke. While Lance was gone some drunk guy sat next to him and started eating hi...

So folks do me a favor, and don't read this blog if you find it to be full of drama, exaggerations or anything in between. If you find it not be to YOUR specifications than I recommend the following: 1) start your own - you may find it therapeutic 2) get a life, and realize I use this avenue for ME - I believe I have said that a time or two. 3) don't come by - don't swing by, don't read the nonsense 4) or comment when something really does not sit well *unless of course it is easier to grip about it but not let me know.* I am very tired these days, in case you haven't noticed. I am tried of the nonsense, tired of the crap. If you have something to say to me, then do me a favor and let me know. Write me, call me or come by. If you think I am crap, say so. If you were mad a month ago, then let me know a month ago - not today. I have used this avenue to vent, but it has been so much more than that for me. I have written to my kids, put my fears out there, and even made...

Sometimes being a sister is tough. Sometimes it is hard to stand on the sidelines and keep ones mouth shut. Sometimes you want to be so hopeful. Sometimes you break and say harsh things. Sometimes you place a wedge between each other you dont ' know how to remove. Sometimes you don't recognize the person you are looking at. Sometimes your heart breaks. Sometimes you cry. Sometimes you miss the person standing right next to you. Sometimes you just have to wait for time to heal. Sometimes you pray a little harder Sometimes I just don't understand. Sometimes I fail at not being judgemental Sometimes I fail....... Sometime loving a person is not enough. Sometimes there are just no words.

The things kids say: So the other night, Rylan was asking for money to buy a DSI . I looked at him and said 'you got any money?' He looked shocked and replied ' no.' I replied 'well, it looks like you will have to wait until you get a job. You still owe us for the DS we just bought from A. Misty last month.' * mind you in order to pay off the DS , he agreed to empty the bathroom trash can, put his clothes away, and take the big trash out to the can. He is 8 - so these chores are appropriate in my mind*. With a total serious face he looked at me and said ' you mean I have to wait until I am 27 before I can buy anything.' I laughed out loud ' you mean you are not going to get a job until you are 27?' Him ' well, yeah.' Me 'um, you have another thing coming. You had better have a job and move out by 27. ' Rylan ' well, 27 is when I am suppose to be really grown up.' Me : laughing out loud. Thinking to myself - this kid...

Okay, did anyone esle get this----? Hi Michelle – I just wanted to follow up re: this Buy Local St. Louis initiative I sent you an email about last week. As I mentioned, shopping locally can have an enduring economic impact, which is why Contribute 2009 challenges individuals to spend $50 at a local small business on or around Oct. 12. I’m hoping you’ll be able to share the message of Contribute with your “Working Mother of Two” readers, perhaps by suggesting they spend $50 at a locally owned St. Louis business. For more info about Contribute, check out this CNBC story and contact me at 216.298.4676 or via email, mkoski@edwardhoward.com . To take the pledge to spend $50 locally, visit www.scentsycontribute.org . Thanks- Melissa MELISSA KOSKI mkoski@edwardhoward.com OFFICE 216.781.2400DIRECT 216.298.4676

I received this today - so I thought I would pass it on. As a side-barr - we always try to shop locally. We luv the local (Soulard) farmer mkt, our fav pharmacy is the local mom and pop shop at the top of our hill. Both of my parents own a business, I understand and respect the purpose and drive to shop and use local services. Good luck and enjoy. * I will try to post tomorrow- so much to say, so little time in the day* Hi Michelle – I just wanted to follow up re: this Buy Local St. Louis initiative I sent you an email about last week. As I mentioned, shopping locally can have an enduring economic impact, which is why Contribute 2009 challenges individuals to spend $50 at a local small business on or around Oct. 12. I’m hoping you’ll be able to share the message of Contribute with your “Working Mother of Two” readers, perhaps by suggesting they spend $50 at a locally owned St. Louis business. For more info about Contribute, check out this CNBC story and contact me at 216.298.4676 or...

This past weekend, we attended a lovely football gathering held by our football coaches. In an effort to get to know everyone, they took a photo of each family and posted on their website. Here is our family in all of our glory. Yes, Pyper is wearing swim goggles - because just like her mother, she listens to the beat of her OWN drum. It was a nice picnic at Arnold park, and we finally felt like part of team. The coaches are doing a really good job at building moral, involving the family and dealing with the boys. There are 21 boys on the team, and after this day, we all felt a little closer to the cause and a little more involved. To say that it was nice would be an understatement. The picnic was from 3 to 5 - we were there from 2 to 8:30pm. Perhaps we are a football family..............I feel my heart swaying. Time will tell.

Dear world, Today I present to you a smiling, humble, shy and sometimes sassy 8 year old. Each year he becomes more and more confident, and comfortable in his own skin. It is hard for me to imagine that together Lance and I have done this good, so far. As we begin to step foot into the 3rd grade, I take time to reflect on the last year. Rylan has had a few trials over the summer and he has rocked them out like a true rock starr. He continues to grow in leaps in bounds, bounce back from surgery, and take his family dysfunction in stride. His dad becomes his shining light and center for direction more and more each day. *which is a scary thought at times*. As Rylan looks more to his dad, he relies less and less on me. Sure he may need the occasional hug or two, but not alot. He walks around with half my heart as he continues to enter the big world. Him and his dad are bonding over sports, tv, fishing and general boy stuff - like farting. Gone are the days of bottles, baby baths, ...

Ever wonder why we keep on making the same mistake? Like recently when I took Lance to a work function last week and once again he acted a fool. Deep down I knew better than to ask him, let alone bring him. So grab your best cup of joe , or your fav ' beer and take a moment to thank god you are not me. I get tickets from a work consultant to a luxury suite at a recent cardinal game. *for the record I am not a game girl - I don't drink beer, I get bored, and the seats hurt my butt after too long. As a rule of thumb I just don't go. Lance and Rylan go to at least 3 games a year. Lance is a game freak, he prob goes closer to 5 or 6 times a year w/ friends. * So I get the kids arrangements made, get home from work early and mind you I have to work the next day. The game is a Wed night game, and my butt has to be to work on Thurs for a 7 am staff meeting. I already want to gauge my eyeballs out, I HATE 7 am staff meetings - who does that shit? So we go to the game, there ar...

reminding myself to breath and not miss the moments- they are growing up so darn fast!!

Thank you to bun and Farrell for the response............ Farrell for the record I would luv lunch or happy hour. I know we keep talking about it we just never seem to get there - I 'think' I am really close to your work these days. We should plan on it in the near future. Bun - I may need an apt. ; I don't have the link - if you send it that might be good. The weekend was good. I kept my sisters kids Sat into Sunday early afternoon. I took them to the pool for a few hours. I swear I looked like I was running a darn day-care. It was fun non the less. We got milk-shakes afterwards, ordered pizza then settled in to watch Icarly. My soul needed some down time with the 'small fries.' Sunday my sister took all the kids home w/ her for a few hours, and Lance left to go brew beer w/ a friend. Bottom line, I was home alone for part of the day. I spent most of it being rather productive....I cleaned out Rylan's closet, got him ready for school. That my friends ...

I have been avoiding this blog thing for awhile now - maybe a week or so. I have alot to say, but have learned over the last year or two that it is not always ideal to place ALL of my thoughts on this site. I would like to think that I use this site as my own personal 'bitch session' but the reality of it is - I have avoided the 'bitch session' aspect of it completely. For several reasons - 1) Afraid that once I put my emotions out there (here), I will never be able to take them back. And, well hell, that is not good. I am the type of person that needs to vent, be ugly, think I am right and then sleep on it. The problem with posting my emotions --well, by the time I have worked them and changed direction. I have already done some damage that I didn't really mean to do. *this folks has been a hard lesson to learn.* I have put things out here before that I stand by for the moment they were put out there, but hurt people in the process. And suddenly I am sorry bey...

Football season has started again, and I already HATE it. Okay folks here's the deal - lance lied. Bottom line - big fat lire actually he is a big fat lire that grins from ear to ear about it. Yeap, that makes me want to jump up and punch him in the face - color me a grown up (ha!). So here's the skinny - Rylan has one more week until he is officially off doctors orders, until he has hit his 6 week full recovery period. Which 'should' mean NO tackling in football. Actually this is what WE agreed upon. No tackeling until after 6 weeks. IF - Rylan decided he wanted to play football again this year, then he could run and work-out with the kids; BUT no hitting until the end of 6 weeks. *all pretty reasonable if you ask me.* Well, last night is draft night and equipment night. Lance tells me I don't really need to show-up; him and Rylan will go. I think to myself - 'how nice of him.' *now I know better*. Secondly, I didn't really want to go -because I we...